Tricked Again! (Blog 461)

As long term readers will know, I gave up drinking alcohol because it stopped making me feel good, and even though I’ve never been a heavy drinker, I also thought it would be for the best for my health if I stopped. That was until the last London Comedy Writers meeting On Tuesday, where I saw a dozen or so adverts on beer mats promoting Guinness. Why was I looking at so many mats and not just the one? You’d think the one would suffice, right? No, because I used the mats to build a house of cards! :) I also designed a few other buildings, some three storeys tall! I needed both imagination and an extremely steady hand, so before you judge, just remember I was making the very most of my situation, AND preparing myself for any forced steady hand games. Google tells me there’s no such thing as a forced steady hand game. Ok fine, but who knows what the future will bring? It’s like people being forced to scan codes on their mobile, did anybody see that coming? I’m just bringing that up, because that makes my hand very unsteady. (Because it makes me so scared). I don’t really even know what the codes do, tbh. That does make sense though, as I’ve never used one once in my life. (And that’s why I’m so scared). I’m sure I will in the future, but for now? Screw it. I also needed power of will during the card building, as a lesser person would let the funny looks get to him.

Anyway, with ad wordings such as ‘super, ultra malty’, ‘so, so hoppy’, ‘fruity’ and ‘chocolatey’, I was genuinely impressed and after a few minutes of contemplation, I eventually gave into the power of advertising and bought a half pint of Guinness in the pub below. Was it a life changing experience as suggested? Nope, it was just alright. I’ve been tricked again. Last time I bought a punk album I knew I didn’t like because of very positive promotions, now I’ve paid money to make my mental and physical health just that little bit worse. What really gets to me is the fact I know what Guinness tastes like anyway, as I’ve had it before! Although in my defence, there is a Youtuber who travels the world drinking pretty much only Guinness, suggesting the drink has a huge amount of variety. If not, someone should tell the guy as he is wasting his life even more than me. It would be like a fan of gravity (‘fan of gravity? where are you going with this?’ - don’t worry, I’ll explain) jumping up and down all over the Earth and then finding out actually, gravity is the same everywhere on the planet. Super annoying. I’m just bringing up the force, because on the train home, I lifted my leg up as the train was stopped and as it started to drive away from the station. In theory my leg should be heavier during the acceleration. Did I notice a difference? Nope. I guess I wasn’t pulling away fast enough. Either that, or I wasn’t a fan of gravity enough and didn’t fully know what I was talking (or rather thinking) about.

So yeah, my prior writing was a bit weird and confusing maybe, I thought the last sentence meant something at the time, but not anymore. That’s schizotypal personality disorder for you, it makes me weird, it really is debilitating. However… good blog material, right?? You know what mental condition wouldn’t result in good blogs? The one where people believe they’re dead. It’s creepy, isn’t it? Oh now that I think of it, maybe I did actually feel the effect of gravity on my leg. I said it didn’t get heavier, BUT as time went on my leg ached more. I assumed that was because my muscles got tired, but what if it was because of the speed? I’m lifting my leg up now and it’s aching more and more. Is THAT because of tiredness or is it getting heavier? That’s significant because we’re all on a spinning globe, and my leg aching more and more could suggest the Earth is spinning faster and faster all the time. What if it never stops accelerating?? That’s an emergency. Maybe not now, but in a few years, things could end up absolutely MENTAL! Is there a point where everyone just fly of the world? There must be. As I’ve described the train home, maybe I could describe the train TO London? I’m so sorry for being all over the place. So, for the first time in about 15 years someone on the train asked me for my ticket, but pretty much everyone on the carriage (two people) got let off because their tickets were on their phone or whatever and their phones ‘weren’t working’. Yep, even then I didn’t need my ticket, how about that? And on that ridiculous note… bye!