Tube Strike and Birthdays! (Blog 537)

As there is tube strike in London coming up that means it looks like I’m going to have to cancel my trip to the London Comedy Writers meeting on Tuesday. I suppose I could get a bus, but it’s too complicated. I’ll probably treat myself to a long countryside walk instead, but it should be noted that judging by prior strikes, train drivers are very indecisive people who plan protests one day and call them off the next, so I don’t really know what I’m going to be doing. If teachers, doctors, nurses etc. can make solid plans, tube drivers should be able to as well. It’s actually a skill people learn once they get ready for school. Five year olds, I mean. Therefore do such drivers really deserve a raise? Furthermore, most people would say it’s inappropriate paying toddlers. Wow, that was offensive wasn’t it? Maybe one day I’ll write about how sorry I am, but a cynical person would say my apology would just be for views. I didn’t mean what I just said, honestly, I just said it because I thought it was funny. I DO know it’s my nephew’s AND sister in law’s birthday at the time of writing, but will I be involved in the celebrations in the following couple of days or so? I don’t know. If I will be, my brother won’t be celebrating quite as much as he is ill. In fact, he may be contagious in the extreme. I’m just saying that because I woke up feeling really ill too, but strangely it only lasted about 5 minutes, then I was basically fine. My brother couldn’t have infected me from 5 miles away or so could he? If so, I think that’s a record!

Even if I won’t be seeing him, I bought the mini person a very funky looking cap with Super Mario on it, riding a go kart! The kid loves cars and with my gift he can think about them some more, even when he’s away from them! Oh my mistake, I’ve just checked and actually Mario is riding a rocket, not driving a kart, I didn’t know he could do that. But I think rockets are more impressive than cars, so it’s an even better gift. Annoyingly, the vaping shop of all places seemed to be the only establishment in my town that sold toys, I accidentally found that out after passing by and looking through the window. I did some Googling the day before and asked if a nearby supermarket sold toys, and A.I. said ‘yes’ after one search and ‘no’ in another. No surprise there. Talking of buying things, remember when I said I needed new eye drops for the dry eyes I very occasionally get, as if you use the meds just the one time, bacteria builds up in the bottle over three months or so, making the drops dangerous for your peepers? Well, I requested more of the same after showing the stuff to a member of staff, but after purchasing the item again, I couldn’t tell for sure which bottle was the old one and which was the new! I mean I THINK I threw the old one away, but I’m certainly not sure. Rubbing salt in the wounds, someone saw me leave the shop with my bottle and also saw me throw it away in a bin. It looked like I didn’t need the eye drops at all and I was looking for attention! Luckily when I pulled the other bottle from my trouser pocket I could prove I needed it. Unless it looked like I bought two bottles and then threw one of them away. Oh never mind.

Now what to say? Ah yes, I’m getting my hair cut tomorrow! Annoyingly I forgot to withdraw money for the barber from the cash machine whilst shopping, I guess I’ll have to do it later. Oh no big deal? Yes, it is a big deal because I may forget tomorrow as well. What kind of person would I be if I refuse to pay for services, I have no change to tip the pizza delivery guy of all people (the salt of the earth) AND I call train drivers toddlers! In just two days? Oh yes, and I implied there is a chance my brother could be responsible for an upcoming super pandemic. He’s probably fine but at the same time, it’s probably best if I warn him. Again, I was only ill for five minutes or so, so he shouldn’t cause CHAOS or anything, but people will be annoyed. Possibly. And possibly people from as far away as me. Wow, I’ve just Googled how many people are within a five mile radius of my brother’s town and well… it’s over one hundred thousand… At that rate of growth, ten billion would be infected almost instantly and that’s more than the population of Earth! That’s an awkward thing to bring up, isn’t it? And I was thinking how bad it would be to forget giving the pizza guy an extra pound coin! Luckily for my brother, if you only make someone unwell for five minutes, it’s more a form of trolling than anything massively serious, I think anyway. And that’s all from me! Will I man up and work out how to use buses? Probably not. Bye!