Ultimate Contest Post 6! (Blog 508)

It’s been 15 months since I published the last rankings and scores of my Facebook Unsubscribe Tribe comedy contests on Wiedemann Comedy! No surprise Matt Jones is absolutely dominating everything again, as he is the only person who has entered them in a very long time. (Excluding a mysterious person/entity that I call ‘Mr. Nobody’ who you could argue doesn’t really exist, who won contest 90). Matt has actually won every single competition since contest 59, i.e. every monthly contest for the last 2 and a half years! (Again, unless you consider rival Mr. Nobody. I wouldn’t worry too much about him/her/it though as his entry was absolutely atrocious). As I only usually list the following scores and comments on Facebook, few if anyone would have read the proceeding, so there you go, this blog IS worthwhile. I’m just pointing that out as there are some who think my contests are a joke.

Simon: As this blog features both comments I wrote a good few months ago and comments I just wrote now, I will be writing ‘Simon:’ to make it clear it’s me talking recently! No Simon? Then it’s an old comment. Simple, effective. Though of course, maybe a contest with just one person is TOO simple?

Simon: So, how did Matt do, way back in Contest 76??

1st

Simon: He came first! Of course he did! And what are my comments that went along with the ranking?

Here goes!: Matt tells of his pain dealing with OCD. However, if he didn’t have OCD would his videos be so flawless and epic? Who knows?? :O

Originality: 3.75

Acting (or rather presenting): 4.25

Funniness: 3.75

Production: 3.75

Effort: 3.75

Overall: 3.85/5

Simon: If I was offered a treatment for OCD, would I take it? Probably not, I like being thorough! Let’s be real, if I was on the medication it would only be a matter of time before I forget to lock my house and car. Yeah, try a few days.

Contest 77

1st

Matt Jones

Matt shares his love for tapping on himself to combat anxiety and I love it too! Extra points for presenting AND I guess effort!

Originality: 3.75

Acting (or rather presenting): 4.5

Funniness: 3.75

Production: 3.75

Effort: 4

Overall: 3.95/5

Simon: A technique I still use to this day! Well sometimes, anyway. Hardly ever. But still at times! Because of that, really I should have boosted his score, he was damn close to the highly sought after 4/5.

Contest 78

1st

Matt Jones

Not just Matt being funny, but Matt sharing funny anecdotes about others! That doesn’t matter in this crazy website though, I give him all the credit!

Originality: 3.75

Acting (or rather presenting): 4.5

Funniness: 4

Production: 3.75

Effort: 4

Overall: 4/5

Simon: Ah, anecdotes about others. And let’s keep them about others, there are too many about me.

Contest 79

1st

Matt Jones

Matt very wisely points out how failure makes you grow as a person. Couldn’t agree more. However, I have a theory Matt didn’t touch upon: Trees are so tall because they keep failing at life. I mean all they do is stand for years and years. They’re lazy.

Originality: 3.75

Acting (or rather presenting): 4.5

Funniness: 4

Production: 3.75

Effort: 4

Overall: 4/5

Simon: Oh, I see what I was trying to say there. Failure makes you grow, trees are tall showing they keep failing and they fail by being lazy and just standing. Yeah! Not bad, not bad.

Contest 80

1st

Matt Jones

The second most ridiculous behaviour I’ve seen this week! (Intrigued? Read the month’s contest blog!)

Originality: 4

Acting: 4

Funniness: 3.75

Production: 3.75

Effort: 4

Overall: 3.9/5

Simon: I can’t remember what I meant by that comment. Am I intrigued by my writing, though? Do I have the need to read the comedy contest 80 blog? Not really. I guess my advertising skills need work, then. How about this for an advert: ‘Read Simon’s blog… AAAARGGGHHHH!! (Then I scream swear words for half a minute or so. It’s actually an idea I’ve had for many years now, but I’ve never figured out how to make such an advert legal).

Contest 81

1st

Matt Jones

Don’t worry Matt, I think you’re a great driver. You didn’t get shouted at, enviable stuff! :)

Originality: 4

Acting: 4

Funniness: 3.75

Production: 3.75

Effort: 3.75

Overall: 3.85/5

Simon: Oh my old driving instructor REALLY shouted at me. Bellend.

Contest 82

1st

Matt Jones

Matt is offered a blue pill or a red pill? I take yellow pills (Clozapine) and I swear by them. No more hearing voices for me! ;)

Originality: 3.75

Acting: 4

Funniness: 3.75

Production: 3.75

Effort: 4

Overall: 3.85/5

Simon: I should have added that yellow pills make you see reality, much like red pills. In fact, I think The Matrix should have had no red pill, just blue and yellow. Don’t know what red or blue pills actually mean? Then watch the film just mentioned! THAT’S a good advert. Or rather, watch the film just mentioned. AAAAARGGGHHH!!! (expletive, expletive, expletive).

Contest 83

1st

Matt Jones

Some of the topics discussed were a little odd, but you know what? Didn’t bother me at all!

Originality: 4

Presenting: 4

Funniness: 3.5

Production: 3.5

Effort: 3.5

Overall: 3.7

Simon: Well… no surprise there, is there? It would be VERY odd if strange people bothered me. It could happen technically speaking, I’d just be a bit of a hypocrite.

Contest 84

1st

Matt Jones

Matt Jones working as a super dodgy home salesman. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to find work? Do you know what that means? I’m even worse than him! On the plus side that is kinda funny, isn’t it? What else would I write about?

Originality: 3.75

Acting: 3.75

Funniness: 3.75

Production: 3.75

Effort: 3.75

Overall: 3.75/5

Simon: Actually I write a lot more than just how hard it is finding work. 508 blogs about not finding employment and hundreds of monologues, sketches, reviews, stories and jokes about that? Sounds too far.

Contest 85

1st

Matt Jones

Gluten is murder? I guess it is, for bread I mean. Insightful stuff!

Originality: 4

Acting: 4

Funniness: 4

Production: 3.25

Effort: 3.5

Overall: 3.75/5

Simon: I guess it would be bad if bread could sense things and you had to murder it before eating it, but come on you have to eat SOMETHING. Of course I’d love it if people could photosynthesise, but we can’t!

Contest 86

1st

Matt Jones

Matt says everyone wants to be someone else? What about Wayne from Wayne’s World? A fun guy who has it all!

Originality: 3.75

Acting: 4.25

Funniness: 3.75

Production: 3.75

Effort: 3.75

Overall: 3.85/5

Simon: Still keeping my fingers crossed for Wayne’s World 3. The only thing that I noticed in the film that didn’t make sense was when Wayne got in trouble for playing the ‘first few notes’ of overplayed classic ‘Stairway to Heaven’ in a guitar shop. Actually it sounded nothing like the song mentioned, causing me years of confusion and pain.

Contest 87

1st

Matt Jones

I would have shared a video of Matt and co. in a proper sketch, but I was having trouble finding one that wasn’t X-rated. Between you and me, check out his ‘Grinch Theme Song Auditions’. It’s surprisingly violent. But Matt’s bloopers are good, too!

Originality: 3.75

Acting: 3.75

Funniness: 3.5

Production: 3.5

Effort: 3.5

Overall: 3.6/5

Simon: Kind soul Matt making a violent video? Watch it now! (More excellent advertising from me. P.S. AAAARGGGHHHH!!!!!! expletive, expletive).

Contest 88

1st

Matt Jones

I was thinking I should have another criteria saying ‘length’ as Matt’s podcast lasts a good hour, then I realised I could give him a high effort score. Duh. I can’t give him TOO high an originality score as he’s basically just casually talking about teaching, but dammit he does it well.

Originality: 3

Presenting: 4.5

Funniness: 3.5

Production: 3

Effort: 4.5

Overall: 3.7/5

Simon: Ah Matt’s podcasts. Nothing like mine, which is surely for the best.

Contest 89

1st

Matt Jones

More stories about teaching children but different stories, which is impressive as Matt’s podcast lasts a whole hour! If you read my blog that goes along with this contest, you’ll know I kept talking about going crazy, who saw that one coming? In fact things were so bad, I considered deleting it and starting again. Oh if only I was Matt.

Originality: 3

Presenting: 4.5

Funniness: 3.5

Production: 3

Effort: 4.5

Overall: 3.7/5

Simon: If only I was Matt or Wayne Campbell! Well, I guess I’d rather be Matt than Wayne, I don’t want to be fictitious.

Contest 90

1st

Matt Jones/Mr. Nobody

No points as no one entered the contest. This could be the last ever contest I do. If so? Well… what a way to end… :S

Originality: 0

Presenting: 0

Funniness: 0

Production: 0

Effort: 0

Overall: 0

Simon: Yes, not only may I be ending my contests with a competitor who doesn’t exist, as I gave my special thumbs up to Matt I have confused myself by making me wonder if it was Matt who in fact starred in the final competition or the ghost. I should know!!

Anyway, here come the rankings! Matt did very well!

15th: 90: MJ/Mr.N, 0

14th: 87: MJ, 3.6

11th: 83: MJ, 3.7

11th: 88: MJ, 3.7

11th: 89: MJ, 3.7

9th: 84: MJ, 3.75

9th: 85: MJ, 3.75

5th: 76: MJ, 3.85

5th: 81: MJ, 3.85

5th: 82: MJ, 3.85

5th: 86: MJ, 3.85

4th: 80: MJ, 3.9

3rd: 77: MJ, 3.95

1st: 78: MJ, 4

1st: 79: MJ, 4

So there you have it, Matt Jones has won ANOTHER 15 contests. Or at very least, 14 with the Matt Jones/Mr. Nobody confusion. And for perhaps the last time in these contest blogs…. Bye!