Comedy Contest Part 10! (Blog 84)

Another four weeks have gone since the last Unsubscribe Tribe comedy contest I ran, on Facebook. During that time, I have seen all sorts of crazy stand up routines, as I judged them for competition No. 10. Some comic stories were real and thank God, some were just made up. (If the Grand Theft Auto rampage anecdote was based on true life events, it would have been my duty to notify the authorities ASAP, after popping my horrified eyes back into their sockets. But it WAS just a story. It was actually pretty funny in a deranged kind of way, and the person behind it came a glorious 2nd according to my special rating system. Says a lot about me, right?) Anyway… Who was numero uno???

Well….

This month’s winner is an Australian comic, previously from England. In her routine, she notes that British people are also known as ‘poms’ in her new country. (Because we look like pomegranates, according to the internet). Yeah, well we call you ‘Ozzies’. Yes, to us you’re a massive group of crazy people who act like Ozzy Osbourne. Sure he’s a fun guy, (at times) but how much time would you really want to spend with him? Probably not a lot with his poo smearing antics, but imagine living with MILLIONS of people like the person, and never getting away from them. The comedienne may have put up with abuse such as ‘get out of the country you ****ing pom’ (or rather ‘you ****ing pomegranate’), but Australians visiting England would hear ‘get out of the country, you demented, live bat eating freak’. What’s worse? (Only joking that wouldn’t happen, really. Or would it? Na. It wouldn’t).

The performer says that ‘she quit teaching English’, but I’m sceptical. I think she was sacked, as she swears quite a lot in her routine. How many people can act like two completely different women whilst working and socialising as effectively as she needed? She probably swore her head off during her lessons, too. E.g. ‘this is a ****ing vowel, this is a ****ing noun’. Or ‘Shakespeare was ****ing great’. Hardly appropriate, right? One wonders how she made it past the interview stages… ‘Why do want this job?’ ‘I just ****ing love English.’ ‘****, me too.’ Maybe she couldn’t help herself, but that’s not the point. It sounds like I’m taking the mick, doesn’t it? I really shouldn’t be as the set was very entertaining, watch it here… https://www.facebook.com/schoolofhardknockknocks/videos/2029196513789580/ Good, isn’t it? Now let’s go back to taking the piss. No, joking again.

So, she wants to be an actress, now? I hate to say this, but she could well end up being disillusioned with the television industry, too. Have you seen an episode of Neighbours, lately? You don’t exactly need to be a skilled writer to write for that program, or indeed most soaps. You just need to spy on a couple of families to get the stories, but feature someone getting shot by someone no one would ever expect. Sure, plots like that can be surprising, but they are also really DUMB most of the time. Well to be fair, I haven’t watched an episode of the program for years, but I’d be surprised if it’s been improved. I kind of lost interest after the super nice Harold went around stabbing people. Alright, that’s another month over. Who will win NEXT month?? Byeeee…. Oh where are my manners? Let’s end this blog with a joke… ‘Why is Ozzy Osbourne a cannibal? Because at Christmas, he eats fruitcake. Ok, bye. E!