Back in London! (Blog 254)

Today, I’ll be visiting the Canal Cafe Theatre in London to watch a play called ‘Peter Pandemic’. Dunno what to write in the meantime. Hm. I guess I bought my train ticket in advance, and that went pretty well. No confusion whatsoever from the buyer or the seller. Screw it, I’m going to write about something else. Maybe a sketch. Bye for now!

Ok, the above wasn’t exactly fascinating, but I think it’s the shortest blog paragraph I’ve ever written, (excluding short summaries or whatever) so let’s keep it. It’s the ‘You Suffer’ (by Napalm Death) of blogging and even though the song is a bit of a joke, it IS memorable. As it’s only a second long, even goldfish could remember it, and hopefully, they’d enjoy it. Anyway, a day has passed, so how did the trip go? First up, I left my home fully prepared with an old map I drew, meaning I SHOULDN’T get lost; a train ticket so I SHOULDN’T get arrested (unless someone unzipped my pocket from behind to do an absolutely first rate pick pocketing job); ear plugs so my ears shouldn’t get damaged by the train noises (is my deafness all in my mind or not? Who knows); a key so I could get home; and a pen to make notes. Yep, THAT’S preparation. Almost made feel like a full blown adventurer. If that sounded silly to you, read on.

On the train, I noticed there were some new buildings in London. They made me wonder what else was new. Would my map now be invalid? Surely no one rearranged all the paths and stuff? What would be the point of that? Then again, isn’t there a Chinese thing where people arrange furniture in the best possible way to fight off evil spirits? Maybe it’s like that. Also on the train, I noticed the electronic display saying the carriage I was in was number 5, 6 AND 10, at different times. Impressive teleportation on my part or an everyday error? Who knows? Amazingly I navigated my way through the THREE (:O) train stations without effort (at risk of sounding arrogant), and was ready to start the walk. Turns out my map WAS still relevant. Phew. Still got lost though, just not that much.

Soon enough I entered the restaurant area of the theatre. (Actually I’m not sure if it’s in the same building technically speaking, but does that matter? If was wrong, I’m not sure how my mistake would be OFFENSIVE, though. I mean come on, that’s real political correctness gone mad, not Dennis the Menace not being allowed to use bombs anymore. Sure it’s a cartoon, but people can still die. Is cartoon PTSD funny? I would say no). I ordered a delicious cheeseburger with chips, a toffee pudding, and a cocktail. Crucially, it had no caffeine in. My drink was gone in seconds, but at least it wasn’t poisonous. Apparently my chips were seasoned. Is that just a posh word for salted? That stuff might have impressed the Romans, but times have changed. On another note, all occupants had to wear masks at all times. Unless eating, drinking, and apparently, talking out of the bartender’s view or using a mobile phone. (Also out of view). I’ve never heard of that rule before, but that’s what happened.

Other than the above, I didn’t really have many ideas for a while, but I did look thoughtful at very least. Or maybe pretentious. Probably the latter, but I’ll rise above that. Again, the food was good, and normal people would say that’s more important than the wise chin rubbing and such. It’s not that it makes me look intelligent actually, it just helps me think. The downside of making notes in a crowded building is that people can read unfunny thoughts on my face. I just have expressive eyes, I guess. Such unfunny thoughts included me feeling like an army soldier with my nice and full pockets. That was dumb. Do soldiers have full pockets? I don’t know. But they do have lots of equipment, and that’s what I was alluding too.

Anyway, soon enough it was time to go into the theatre part of the theatre. I wasn’t made to sit at the very back of the room (like an undercover spy as I did last time), but I did sit on the balcony which would do. Would it be rude to count how many people were there, and work out how much money was made? Well that’s what I did. That would normally be fine, but again, I have an expressive face, so I’m sure people noticed, as I nodded my head at everyone individually. Eek. Also in the theatre, I saw a note saying ‘order at your table’. However, I read that as ‘order at your own risk’ which puzzled me for a moment. I don’t know why I read it that way. I wasn’t particularly close.

So, the play! Someone at the dreaded front of the stage was given a bell to press at certain moments. Thank God it wasn’t given to me, as I wasn’t too sure what its purpose was. I was listening to 90% of the play, just not that bit. All I know is it had something to do with the characters. If the bell was given to me, I would take the story into a completely new direction. Maybe that would be interesting, maybe I’d get sent out. As the play was called Peter Pandemic, you can kind of get an idea what it was about. (Peter Pan in a pandemic!) It was entertaining, but I’m assuming it was written pretty quickly. Rather than the play writing itself, really it was ALREADY written. Sure there were lots of alterations, but if I published it I’d feel uncomfortable. But it got a solid four stars, so maybe I’m not one to judge. Would YOU trust someone who doesn’t understand the concept of a bell? Well there you go.

Perhaps the best luck of the day was when I decided I should buy another drink from the restaurant, after the performance. When entering the place, I was told I ate my meal without paying for it. Whoops. The police could have been called, in the worse case scenario. (Well that’s the vibe I got, anyway :S). When I left, I got lost again, but for a different reason, so that’s fine. Really that was the day, so I’ll end things here. Another short paragraph but sadly not a record breaker. :( Bye!