Blog 400 meGa SupEr dUpEr ultrA MEga blOg! (Blog 400!!!!)

Simon: Hello, listeners, welcome to this ultra incredible podcast celebrating Simon’s 400th blog!

Dominant Egg: Thanks for having me…

Simon: No problem! And of course, let’s welcome the rest of the egg family! Here we have Mrs. Egg, AKA the Bossy Egg, we have Dominant’s son, the Commanding Egg, and lastly we have Dominant’s daughter, the Overbearing Egg.

Bossy Egg: Howdy.

Commanding Egg: Great to be here.

Overbearing Egg: Likewise!

Simon: Great stuff. Not only that, we have James Ziegler who has told me not to use his full name, a request that I respect.

James: Thanks, man.

Dan: I’m going to say his name, it’s James Ian Zack Ziegler.

James: Wow, Dan has broken the rules again. Next thing you know, he’ll steal and crash my car.

Dan: That was genuinely the most extreme and poorly thought out projection I’ve ever heard…

James: What’s that mean?

Ben: It means you’re so stupid.

James: Oh. Dan’s stupid, too.

Simon: Now let’s open the window so the Burning Bee can join the show…

(A window is heard opening and there are buzzing sounds. The window closes).

Dominant Egg: The Burning Bee? Why’s he here?

Bossy Egg: Simon, the Burning Bee is Dominant’s main rival. Please open the window again to let him out.

Burning Bee: I’m not going anywhere, even if you do open the window.

Dominant Egg: Is that a fact? So you won’t mind if I open it again?

Burning Bee: No, please!

Simon: Why do bees have such a poor sense of direction, anyway?

Burning Bee: Coming from YOU?

Simon: Fair point. No actually, never in my life have I got confused and lost when someone opened a nearby window…

Burning Bee: Bee hater.

Simon: I’m not a bee hater, I’m just trying to understand what’s going on with you.

Dominant Egg: I am. I’m a bee hater.

Burning Bee: If you’re so stressed, why not have a drink like you always do?

Bossy Bee: No! He gets very angry when he’s drunk!

Burning Bee: I know.

(Pouring sounds are heard)

Simon: Wow, I’ve never seen an egg pour anything before… Would you like to explain to our listeners how you’re doing it?

Dominant Egg: No.

Simon: Oh.

Bossy Egg: He’s not being rude, honestly. It’s just that the pressures of fame have been getting to him…

Simon: I hear he’s starring in a new film?

Commanding Egg: Yes, it’s about a tough talking egg that fights terrorism, it’s very cool!

Simon: What’s it called?

Overbearing Egg: Power and Fury, Egg Rage Extreme!

Simon: Wow. Even the title is exciting…

Dominant Egg: Yes it is exciting. Now give me a lighter…

James: I’m starting to like this guy.

Dominant Egg: No, not to burn Dan’s hair, so I can light up a cigarette!

James: How did you know that’s what I was thinking?

Dominant Egg: Because you’re staring hard at his hair right now, and you’re smiling. Really crazily.

James: Oh. Can I have a mirror please, Simon? It will prevent future confusions.

Dan: If a SINGLE hair gets even touched, I’m walking out of here and I’m dragging you with me!

James: Simon needs me here, so…

Simon: No not true, this blog is somewhat of an extravaganza, I have more than enough guests, I’ve been told more will be coming, but I don’t know who!

James: Oh. I like you, Simon. Dan too.

Simon: Right, now everyone has been introduced, let’s begin the quiz!

Burning Bee: Ohh, very exciting.

Simon: Question one! How many cars has James stolen and crashed?

Dan: Wow. That’s a tough one…

Bossy Egg: Ten?

James: Oh no, no, no. Higher. Much higher.

Simon: Would you like to answer the question, James?

James: Hm… Weeeell…

Simon: If you’re struggling, I’m going to have to pass the question to someone else…

James: Five thousand?

Simon: The correct answer is no one knows, not even James. Which has just been proved right now.

James: Yep, that was a guess.

Simon: I’m amazed no one has really stopped you…

James: Well, it’s the crime spree we’re going through, isn’t it? The police are dealing with Gary the Sneaky Salmon and his gang. It’s so complicated, time consuming and expensive keeping him locked up. No one has time for me.

Simon: Of course. Next question: How many personality disorders do I have?

Dominant Egg: Two?

Simon: Try again…

Bossy Egg: None?

Simon: Dear God no. Go in the other direction…

James: All of them?

Simon: Yes! Bingo! One point goes to James!

Dominant Egg: Oh, so I’m losing, is that what it is???

Bossy Egg: Now now, Dominant, it’s just a game…

Simon: Yes and no. It IS a game, but a very special one.

Dominant Egg: Yes, and I’m going to win it!

(A pouring sound is heard)

Bossy Egg: Dominant, please!

Dominant Egg: I’ll drink us much as I like.

Bossy Egg: But it makes you get into arguments!

James: Yeah? Well I feel like that ALL the time.

Dan: If you hate it so much, stop!

James: Hahahaha. No.

Simon: Next question! Do you know what my main personality disorder is?

James: Borderline?

Simon: Yes, a point to James!

Overbearing Egg: Most people would be embarrassed saying that. You really have no shame?

Simon: Nope, well done for realising. One point to the Overbearing Egg.

Overbearing Egg: Ooh!

Dominant Egg: BPD is a disorder for girls.

Simon: Yes, that’s MOSTLY true, but not completely.

Dominant Egg: Yeah, mostly true. I’m a REAL egg, and therefore have a proper disorder, like paranoid personality disorder.

Simon: I have noticed you’re paranoid. An exceptionally paranoid egg…

Dominant Egg: Yeah, better than BPD.

Simon: Well I have all disorders, so…

Overbearing Egg: I’ve never really heard people or eggs competing in this way…

Dominant Egg: Anyway, as I know what condition I have, I get a point, too.

Simon: Nope, points only go to questions I give.

Dominant Egg: Oh this is ridiculous.

Burning Bee: Powned.

Dominant Egg: You’ve powned ME? You’re an asshole!

Burning Bee: Right, that’s it!

Overbearing Egg: He’s trying to sting him!

Dominant Egg: Ha! My shell is too tough to sting! You’re wasting your time!

Ben: Bees die when they sting anyway, I wouldn’t bother…

Burning Bee: They die? How?

Ben: Your stingers get stuck and when you try to fly away, you leave the stinger behind and that kills you.

Burning Bee: Really??

Ben: Yep.

Burning Bee: Why did no one tell me?

Ben: Maybe because it’s so strange no one is willing to believe it. You’d think bees would have died out long ago…

Burning Bee: What??

Ben: Have you lost contact with any of your friends?

Burning Bee: Yes, after the great people invasion last month…

Ben: And what was the great people invasion?

Burning Bee: Some guys got too close to the hive, we attacked them, and all of a sudden many bees were gone…

Ben: And what does that say?

Burning Bee: Oh my word. I thought my friends went on some kind of an adventure!

James: Yeah, not much of an adventure.

Burning Bee: Was that supposed to be funny? I should sting you right now!

James: You can try.

Burning Bee: I’d really die?

Ben: Yep.

Burning Bee: Fine. But I will get you…

James: Yes, that makes sense. And do you even know how silly you look? Black and yellow? Attention seeking much?

Burning Bee: My colours are a warning. They’re supposed to stand out.

James: Oh no, please don’t sting me and die.

Simon: Next question! How many bee jokes have I written?

Burning Bee: What happens in your bee jokes?

James: All the bees die.

Burning Bee: Is that true?

Simon: What? No! They’re very family friendly, check this one out: What’s the difference between a caution and a shoe for a bumblebee?

Burning Bee: What?

Simon: One means ‘beware’ the other is bee wear.

Burning Bee: Oh, that’s pretty good actually. Harmless.

Dominant Egg: I say you’ve written a thousand bee jokes.

Simon: Nope. Not quite that high.

Dominant Egg: DAMMIT!

Bossy Egg: Please! It’s just a game!

James: Why do you drink if it just makes you miserable?

Dominant Egg: I’m having a great time. I’m acing the quiz, I’m promoting my film, things are going great.

Simon: Apart from the arguing?

James: Don’t change, Egg. I like you just how you are.

Simon: HOW MANY BEE JOKES HAVE I WRITTEN??

Commanding Egg: 60?

Simon: Yes, around 60. That’ll do. Right the quiz is over and there is no winner! Either that or there are three or four winners, I don’t know. Now for something a little different, let’s blog about another one of Matt’s videos, here’s the link for everyone!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CRzTbqnbrQ

Burning Bee: What’s the title of the video?

Simon: Good question. It’s ‘Anxiety Land Episode 5: Self Image’.

Dominant Egg: Stop trying to dominate the blog, Bee! I’M the Dominant Egg, not you!!

Ben: So much arguing. And over what?

Simon: I complete agree, here’s the blog for Matt!

…

.

Blog: Hello!

James: A bit of an uninspired intro, there. ‘Hello?’

Simon: Yep.

Blog: Matt says that if your primary care giver thinks you’re annoying, you become annoying later in life.

Dan: Did your primary caregiver think you are annoying?

Simon: Let me blog!

Dan: Did he/she?

Simon: Having looked at old family photos, yes.

Dan: What do you mean?

Simon: They just looked at me like I was annoying.

James: Yes, me too!

Simon: As I said, let me blog…

Blog continued: Matt also points out how later in his life and because of his parents, HE became annoying by doing door to door sales.

James: Oh no, no, no…

Simon: Agreed, he’s not annoying, he is damn insightful.

Blog continued: Whilst he does seem to make an interesting point when he says children often grow into how their parents see them, GG Allin’s father didn’t actually name his son ‘GG’ but Jesus Christ, because he genuinely believed he would become the next Jesus. Did he become the saviour of mankind? No, far from it. I mean watch an interview with him and then look me in the eyes and say ‘Actually I do think he acted like Jesus.’ No, he, didn’t. Jesus would NEVER sing (or scream) about how everyone hates him, how he hates everyone else, he would never get naked on stage, poo on audience members and scare everyone close to him to death with the threat of serious blood-borne diseases. Who in their right mind would follow him and why would anyone get crucified for not worshipping him? And can you imagine holy people of the past uniting whole countries with inspiring stories about him?

Commanding Egg: What about in the dark ages? Is that why the era was called what it was?

Simon: No.

Blog continued: And who would go in crusades fighting others because they felt GG Allin was right and all other religions were wrong? To be fair, some people followed GG around like he was Jesus a few decades ago, but such people were almost equally weird. The worldview that everyone should be out for themselves to the point they do anything isn’t holy, that’s mad, obviously. If you agree that it’s good to poo on others if you want to, that’s mad too. Similarly they’re not saints, what they really are confused people who probably argued with their parents a lot and didn’t do too well at school.

James: You didn’t do too well at school.

Simon: What are you saying?

James: You’d follow GG Allin.

Simon: No I wouldn’t, I’d follow the lovely Chino Moreno from Deftones…

James: Yeah, like he’d want someone like you to follow him.

Simon: Exactly what I was thinking for a very long time. One of my oldest fears. That was until I saw a few interviews with him when he was young and I decided actually he reminded me of me a bit. If saying that makes him feel awkward, fine, but if not and he’s listening to this, hello!

James: I’d watch what you’re saying. He’d probably sue you now that you’ve compared him to you.

Simon: He wouldn’t sue me, he’d shake my hand and tell me I’m a great guy.

James: Is that what happens in your dreams?

Simon: I’m not sure. I don’t remember many of them.

James: What do you want to happen in your dreams?

Simon: Chino would just be like ‘here, let me sign your CDs for you’. Then he’d be like, ‘please, take a listen to the album we’re working on, it’s a sneak peek only a few have heard!’ Then he’d be like ‘please, take my favourite microphone…’ I’d just be getting higher and higher.

Dominant Egg: What kind of blog is this? This is rubbish.

Burning Bee: I’m enjoying it.

Dominant Egg: You would.

(Zooming sounds are heard)

Bossy Egg: My hubby has just charged at the Burning Bee!

Burning Bee: I’m going to get you for that!

Simon: Quiet, I should be blogging!

Blog: Oh sorry, Matt. I’ve just watched his video again and he didn’t do door to door sales because his parents thought he was annoying (maybe they did but it’s not something I’d feel comfortable asking), he coincidentally did such sales, THAT made him feel annoying, and then he starting acting annoying more.

Dominant Egg: Wow. And you call yourself a blogger? Even calling you someone who pays attention to others is a stretch.

Simon: Yeah, well it doesn’t matter anyway, as people have probably stopped listening because of the pathetic way YOU’RE behaving.

James: And the way I’m behaving…

Dominant Egg: I charged at the bee because he’s an asshole.

Burning Bee: I… I don’t know what to say.

Simon: Blog!!!!

Blog: Rather inspiringly, Matt says people can change their self-image and consequently the way they behave, though! Oh if only everyone listened to his advice. If others told criminals they weren’t bad but angels, the offenders would apologise to their victims and then give all their possessions to charity. So why aren’t more people subscribed to Matt? I think it’s because those in power are suppressing him. How would businesses make any money if people didn’t value possessions anymore? I have to admit, I’m torn. I want everyone to love each other, but I also want Chino Moreno’s microphone.

Dan: That says it all.

Simon: What’s it say?

Dan: Wanting Chino’s microphone more than world peace. I bet you think Chino would want you to have his mic. First up, he wants it for himself because it’s his, second, your fantasies are bordering on stalker.

Simon: I disagree, Now more blog!

Blog: Oh no. Matt’s ideas were so good, then he said people should get the death penalty for pooing in urinals. A bit harsh obviously. GG Allin would HATE that law, but whilst I’m not sticking up for him, in theory he could have changed if more damn people said he was a nice guy. Very hard to make such an argument, don’t get me wrong, but if therapy doesn’t work, why would it even exist? (Ok, it could just be to make money from unhappy people, as I have tried therapy, and it didn’t work because I kind of hated the therapist. Very judgemental). What I’m trying to say is just try and people can change. Clear now?

Dominant Egg: Great stuff…

James: Inspired.

Blog: Matt also points out how an athlete a long time ago pictured himself running the apparently impossible four minute mile and he did it. (With the help of working out, I’m presuming). THAT’S inspiring.

Dan: So if I picture James shutting up forever, it will happen?

Simon: Maybe…

Dan: I’m picturing it now.

James: Dan’s annoying, Dan’s annoying…

Dan: Just what I thought.

Simon: I’m guessing you have to picture it a lot.

Dan: But I do imagine it a lot…

Simon: Even more…

Dan: Oh screw it, I’ll just shut him up now. Burning Bee, how would you like to do something noble and sting James. We can probably find some WD-40 to get your stinger out of James safely, so you won’t die.

Ben: That’s an interesting idea. Not only will it hurt James, the idea could save millions of bee’s lives!

Simon: Something to think about as I work on the rest of Matt’s blog…

Blog finale: Now let’s end the blog there. End on a thought provoking note.

Simon: Finished.

Dan: Now thoughts about WD-40 and bees!

James: Yeah, how are bees going to carry that stuff around with them?

Dan: People could follow bees around and use the product when the bees sting.

James: Doesn’t that sound a bit crazy to you?

Dan: A bit whacky maybe, but with enough funding the project could take off…

James: The special project that lets bees sting people safely?

Dan: Oh screw you!

Simon: Anyway, time to rate Matt’s video and rank him in my monthly competition!

Matt’s scores…

1st place!

Matt Jones

Comments: As this video isn’t really supposed to be TRULY funny, I felt it right to add a new criteria to my usual scoring system: Informativeness. And it is an informative video. The originality score isn’t too high as Matt admits to repeating the ideas of others, but he does deliver the ideas in a new way, I’m presuming. Unless the philosopher inspiring the video has a wacky sense of humour, too. Einstein did, so it can happen! Not too much thought went into the production as it’s just Matt in front of a beige (I think?? Beige-ish??) screen, but at least he got the beige screen. On the whole, a damn good video.

Originality: 3.75

Acting (or rather presenting): 4.25

Funniness: 3.75

Production: 3.5

Effort: 3.75

Informativeness: 5

Overall: 4/5!

4 out of 5? A nice round number, too. Wowee!

Ben: Ooh, 4 out of 5. Matt will like that…

Simon: Exactly. A perfectly reasonable score. Yeah, some of the things he said were debatable, for example the GG Allin-Jesus thing, but that’s not his fault, rather it’s the fault of the philosopher he was quoting.

Dan: Matt was a good presenter though…

Simon: Exactly.

(A phone rings)

Simon: Hello?

Caller: Hello, it’s Ryu from Street Fighter. I just wanted to say I have the strongest coffee known to man and I’m going to turn Gary the Sneaky Salmon from a fish and back to a human.

Overbearing Egg: What in God’s name does that mean?

Simon: Oh, rumours are going around that Ryu has turned evil and is about to help a notorious fish criminal…

Bossy Egg: Won’t Ryu’s boasting like… make it easier to catch him?

Ryu: Nope. Because I have a plan.

Bossy Egg: What’s the plan?

Ryu: I’m not telling you.

Bossy Egg: Ah. A smart move.

Simon: Ryu, you’re not a bad person. Do the right thing. Hand yourself into the police.

Ryu: No.

Simon: Please.

Ryu: No. I’m loving being free too much.

Simon: Why are you boasting, anyway?

Ryu: It’s just that since Street Fighter came out on the Super Nintendo about 30 years ago, it seems people have forgotten about me…

Simon: But you’ve appeared in other fighting games…

Ryu: They’re’ not me.

Simon: They sure look like you…

Ryu: Nope, they’re in 3D. I’m in 2D.

Simon: You’re in 2D??

Ryu: Yes. I stand out like a sore thumb.

Simon: Why is that the first time I’ve heard about that?

Ryu: I don’t know. Maybe people don’t really believe what they’re seeing, so they convince themselves I’m like everyone else.

Simon: Fascinating. Talking of caffeine, I very nearly drunk some myself and as we all know that would drive me mental…

Commanding Egg: What happened?

Simon: To try something different, I thought I’d buy an alcoholic drink with a mysterious ingredient in it called ‘clxxt’. Wow, I wonder what that would be. An ingredient pronounced I guess ‘clkkt’? Interesting. Is that African or something? It could be also alien or a mix of the two. However, there were no other ingredients listed, so I was suspicious. Praise the lord I checked out the ingredients of the drink online and it said it did in fact have caffeine in! I can’t ever have a sip, so if I drunk a whole can? Flipping hell.

Dominant Egg: Yeah? Well I’m wasted all the time, so…

Simon: Yeah, I was going to talk to you about that. You really should talk to someone. Not MY old therapist, dear God no, but someone.

Dominant Egg: Nope.

Burning Bee: Quitter.

Dominant Egg: Yeah, well you can’t sting without dying.

Burning Bee: Right, that does it.

Bossy Egg: Please, stop!

Simon: We’ve been through this, you can’t sting eggs!

Bruning Bee: Fine.

Simon: Well done, you’ve stopped.

Ryu: Anyway, I just wanted to say I’m committing crimes right now and it’s great. Bye.

Simon: Bye. One more thing about caffeine, did you know coffee lovers are called javaphiles? If I ever play an online game or whatever, I’ve decided - I’m calling myself Javaphobe. Only the special few will know what it means.

(Knocking on the door is heard).

Simon: Who is it?

Door knocker: It’s Chino Moreno!

Simon: No way…

Chino: Yes!

Simon: Please, come in!

(A door opens and closes)

Simon: Why do you have a microphone in your hand? You’re not going to perform a gig are you?

Chino: No, it’s for you!

Simon: This can’t be real!

Chino: Yes!

Simon: Can I hear the new music you’re working on?

Chino: No, it’s a secret…

Simon: Oh. Thanks for the mic, though!

(More knocking on the door is heard)

Simon: Hello?

(Knocker 2): Hello. It’s the Dominant Egg’s long lost brother, the Powerful Egg.

Simon: Oh God, not another one. Come in…

(A door opens and shuts, again)

Dominant Egg: Powerful Egg? Is it really you?

Powerful Egg: It sure is, brother.

Dominant Egg: I have to admit I’m a bit drunk right now.

Powerful Egg: Me too. It’s very stressful being such a powerful egg.

Dominant Egg: And similarly, it’s stressful being such a dominant egg.

Chino: What’s going on here?

Simon: Oh never mind. Let’s just all chill out as I give you all some humorous observations…

James: Oh, I like these…

Simon: Right, Jack Black sang about other genres of music trying to ‘kill the metal’ in his song ‘The Metal’. Does he have paranoid schizophrenia or something? Here are some of the lyrics if you don’t believe me, it could sound silly: ‘You can’t kill the metal, the metal will live on. Punk rock tried to kill the metal, but they failed as there were smite to the ground’.

Chino: I think maybe he means you can’t destroy the heavy metal genre, rather than other styles of music genuinely trying to kill it…

Simon: Ahhh. Just for fun, can you guess how many Hs I can put after the one A before spellchecker says it’s not a real word anymore?

Chino: Two?

Simon: Nope. Ahh is a word as you rightly suggested, so is ahhh, so is ahhhh, so is ahhhhh, but no ahhhhhh.

Chino: Too ridiculous?

Simon: Apparently.

Powerful Egg: Anyway, how about we have a huge party after this show, Dominant?

Dominant Egg: Sounds great, bro!

Simon: Quiet, this is my time! Next observation: The Youtube subtitles should have said ‘I listened to the soundtrack when washing the car, gardening and weeding’, but they said ‘weed eating’!

Chino: Are you sure the guy/gal didn’t actually say ‘weed eating’?

Simon: Sure am.

Chino: I’m just saying that because weeds might be good for you…

Simon: You know what? Google says they are indeed good for you. Google also says and I quote ‘Lamb suggests nettles are the best (kind of weeds).’

Chino: Who’s Lamb?

Simon: I guess a baby sheep.

Chino: A baby sheep that can talk?

Simon: That seems to be the case, yes…

Chino: And is an expert in nutrition?

Simon: Well, we’re in strange times. Fish masterminds? A whole family of talking eggs, a bee nemesis?

Chino: How long has this insanity been going on for?

Simon: I’m really not sure. Maybe since the year 2017… That was the time a duck tried to stab someone with a knife in its beak. I’ve written about it in my book The Danger of Proverbs. Since then, things have only gone downhill. There have been some victories in the eyes of the law, but they were short lived. :(

Chino: Huh.

Simon: How old are you, Dominant Egg? Were you around before things got crazy?

Dominant Egg: I’m four.

Simon: What was your father like? Was he a weirdo?

Dominant Egg: Just a regular chicken…

Simon: The Dominant Chicken?

Dominant Egg: You knew him?

Simon: No…

Dominant Egg: Oh.

Powerful Egg: He was amazing. He was both dominant and powerful.

Simon: What is it with you eggs and dominance and power? People don’t look up to you, you know? They find you territorial and annoying.

Powerful Egg: Lies.

Dominant Egg: Exactly. Others find us respectable and amazing.

Simon: Anywho, check these erroneous subtitles out: ‘Latter Alice’.

Chino: What’s that from?

Simon: Can you guess? I’ll give you a point if you’re right.

Chino: …

Simon: Ok, too hard a question, I get that. The titles SHOULD have said ‘Lateralus’ which is a Tool album.

Chino: Oh. Haha.

Simon: I’m just saying ‘Latter Alice’ is a weird name for an album… Especially for a metal album.

Bossy Egg: Those writing the subtitles tried to kill the metal…

Simon: Yes, maybe Jack Black wrote them in his spare time.

Bossy Egg: Google?

Simon: There are no answers on whether he writes such words when he has nothing to do…

Bossy Egg: Dammit, I was hoping for a point.

Simon: Here’s an expression I hope everyone will be saying in the near future: ‘As common as a three digit palindrome on a digital clock with seconds.’ Obviously that means ‘very common.’

Burning Bee: It’s a very longwinded way of saying ‘very common’…

Simon: Yes, but it’s descriptive. Now I’ll talk about death metal album covers. I don’t really mind such covers that are gory, but covers that have poo everywhere are a bit much for me. Luckily such albums are relatively rare.

Chino: So true.

Simon: Changing the subject just a little, I got chatting to someone called Elaine in a mental health waiting room and had an interesting conversation about chairs. I was thinking ‘I’m going to remember that name just in case we talk about chairs again.’ Never saw her again. She seemed so normal, that’s the power of clozapine! (The strongest schiz drug :O).

(Knocking on the door is heard)

Simon: Hello?

Knocker 3: It’s Elaine!

Simon: No way, I guess I didn’t waste my brain power for no reason after all! Come in!

(A door opens and closes)

Simon: Sadly this podcast is very nearly over, but you will certainly be meeting a very wide range of people, eggs, and a bee!

Elaine: Oh, nice to meet you…

Simon: See? Normal.

Elaine: Other than the voices.

Simon: And delusions?

Elaine: Yes!

Dominant Egg: Boiojpnkogfkk.

Elaine: Is that egg drunk?

Simon: Yeah, but other than that, he’s doing very well.

Dominant Egg: I’m feeling awful.

Simon: Oh. Would a joke cheer you up?

Dominant Egg: Maybe…

Simon: Check this one out: What political party fakes legs?

Dominant Egg: Labour?

Simon: No, Shin Feign.

Dominant Egg: Oh. Ha.

Simon: Good, isn’t it? Right, we’re all running out of time. To wrap things up, I’ve lost count of the scores, but I’ve just decided Chino wins the competition with an impressive 100 points, as he very kindly gave me his microphone. A special thumbs up to him, great guy.

Chino: Thank youuuu.

Dominant Egg: That’s cheating!

Simon: Yeah, well you’re not in Deftones are you?

Powerful Egg: The important thing is that we’ve finally met.

Dominant Egg: I guess.

Simon: Aw. A poignant way to end. Touching. No points, though.

Burning Bee: This show has also been very important for my fellow bees. Don’t sting people, it’s not worth it.

Simon: And of course, respect goes out to Matt for his only partially flawed information, the flaws not being because of him.

Whole Egg Family together: Byeeee!

Dan: Byebye.

Ben: Byesy bye.

James: Bibly bibly bye bye.

Burning Bee: Stay safe.

Chino: Laterz.

Elaine: Cheers!

Simon: Bye!