Comedy Contest 45! (Blog 259)

Kaylyne Grant has won this month’s comedy contest, not Hidden Histories! Sure there were no other competitors again and technically speaking, a video of someone’s pinkie (arguably the funniest finger) could win a no-competitor contest, but if I did go slightly mad and make Mrs. Grant contend with a finger, she would EASILY win. I’m talking about a thrashing. :) Anyway, this person has a particularly interesting act. She starts by building pathos, by sadly explaining that she’s a senior citizen, the next thing you know, she throws her grandparent’s ashes over the audience. I’ve never heard of that happening, before. It’s like someone saying ‘I’ve been really ill lately. Haven’t been able to get out of bed’, and the other guy going ‘Oh, how terrible’, then the poor person going ‘Yes. Oh, and you know this coffee I’ve been drinking? Here you go, right in your face!’ Very strange behaviour, and if you act like that, don’t expect your doctor to help you. They’re flawed people like you and me and they hold grudges. (Either that or they accuse you faking things which does happen). Luckily for Kaylyne however, it’s not assault if it’s on a comedy stage, that’s just how it works. Murder on stage is still illegal, thank God, so if you’re reading this and you want to be a standup comic, don’t think you can push the boundaries TOO much. (I know I say ‘push the boundaries’ quite a lot. I think that says a lot about me).

Interestingly, the granny spraying got a very good reaction from the crowd. Personally, if I got the remains of a dead person on me, I’d be annoyed. Sure, flung ashes aren’t as bad as flung rotting flesh (I’d like to see Kaylyne pull THAT off), but if you get ashes in your mouth or even up your nose, that’s still cannibalism. Most people would end up pretty messed up in the head, if they accidentally ate someone. Anyway, later on in the routine, the comic explains how she used to be a dancer. I was wondering where she was going with that anecdote. I was assuming it would be like ‘Yeah, I used to dance all the time. Anyway, here’s a skull I dug up, when I was in a graveyard. Got you, again!!’ Fortunately, no bones were thrown. You have to think of the victim’s family. Most people want their loved ones to die with dignity. Even more interesting was when Kaylyne explained that she often heard the phrase ‘Get her off!’ when dancing. Her dancing must be have been exceptionally bad if that got a worse reaction than forced dead body eating. On a lighter note, check out her video, below!

https://www.facebook.com/998360970206478/videos/939920040102519

I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to the stand up performer. I made her sound weird, to put it mildly. All cleared up? Good. Now to change the subject! Here’s a thought: If Ozzy Osbourne is the Prince of Darkness (personally I find Jeffrey Dahmer to be somewhat darker and that’s certainly not something to boast about) does that make Jack Osbourne the grandchild of darkness? If so, what does that involve? What are his activities? I’m assuming they’d be ‘watered down.’ Maybe he just looks at people funny (i.e. giving them evils). Say in a thousand years time where almost everyone is at least distantly related to the frontman, wouldn’t that make his newer relatives the ’descendants of darkness’? In the not so distant future (in the grand scheme of things), everyone will have a bit of evil in them. You can see why many people disapprove of Ozzy. I don’t know how a super diluted darkness would manifest. Maybe everyday rudeness. Not saying ‘thank you’ and that kind of stuff. On a lighter note, do you know what my newest favourite fruit is? No? It’s mango! How about that? Most people say apples or strawberries. Bye!