Contest 105 (Blog 583)

It’s time for another Matt and co. teacher themed podcast blog! Oh wow, they have 999 subscribers? Not only is that a palindrome AND the number for the emergency services in England, one more sub and they’ll get monetised! I also like the number because you can arrange it in any way you like and it will still end up being exactly the same, now let’s go! Oh wow, Matt compares another podcaster to God. Sounds like the ultimate compliment, but when the other teacher realises he isn’t God, it’s going to be a rather large comedown isn’t it? I’m speaking from experience, too. There wasn’t necessarily anything WRONG with my mum, she was just very religious, that’s all. Wow, Matt later compares children to dogs. So he ultra idealises one person and devalues a very large group of people. Cough, borderline personality disorder!! I find it inspiring that a mentally ill person can find work, but why not me?? Matt says that his back has been against the wall for two years. He’s clearly sitting down on a seat! Oh no, Matt is accusing people of being God, and now he doesn’t know what chairs are? I mean he keeps going on about how stressful teaching is, but it hasn’t affected him that much, has it? Oh thank God, Google says ‘back against the wall’ is an expression meaning he’s in a high pressure situation. He may be stressed, but at least he’s not delusional. Well, I guess I have some questions about his God comment… It’s ok, we’re all friends here.

Matt talks of a man (not a child, otherwise he’d be obliged to contact the mental health services) who hits his jaw with a hammer to ‘make it look better’. Not sure what that means, tbh. Unless the man with the hammer likes the look of blood, broken bones and missing teeth, that is. I guess there are some crazy people out there. Thankfully as the person with the hammer is apparently a reasonably famous influencer at very least, someone else can call a psychiatrist instead of Matt. It’s not that Matt doesn’t care, it’s just it’s a tough call to make, that’s all. Very upsetting and stressful, I wouldn’t really want to know to do, anyway. I could say ‘cheer up’ but the guy’s problems would be too severe for it to make any real difference. Wow, Matt later says that children want to be like the crazy person? Why?? I guess children are easy to influence. In my day, children wanted to be like Power Rangers, nowadays children want to smash their own faces up!! The trend is called ‘looks maxing’? I admit that does sound cool, but it isn’t really is it? It’s just clever marketing. Matt later suggests that people in Italy live so long because of the sense of community. I mean Italy doesn’t have a perfect community does it? With the mafia, I mean. I know the organisation takes money from people and claims it’s for ‘protection’, but it’s not really protection it’s theft and that’s clever marketing, too. Maybe Italians are gullible, I don’t know. That sounds offensive, but I read that such people are 1 IQ point smarter than English people on average! They can’t be that stupid then, their maths would be just that little bit better, so what’s going on??

Lol, Matt called ‘centenarians’ ‘centurions’ again, still referring to elderly Italians. A simple mistake, a very different meaning. Matt also says that lack of stress helps with a long life and again, I’d find dealing with the mafia stressful. Matt also says that stress will kill you faster than a cheeseburger. I don’t what cheeseburgers he’s been eating. Homicidal cheeseburgers?? Oh no! Although that is an interesting new character and it’s already been noted down. Maybe the homicidal cheeseburger can appear in my 600th blog special! Oh wow, as a break from the podcast, the stars of the production show a sketch they’ve starred in? It’s called ‘The Eighth Grader Who Looks 30’? Let’s see how it goes! Wow, the eighth grader does indeed look 30! I strongly suspect his is 30 in fact, but if not, think of all the wacky roles he could star in! If he is indeed 30, well he can star as a 30 year old, can’t he? No one loses. It was arguably more of a drama than a comedy, but I was more than intrigued about what a child-man would look like, partially because I’m the exact opposite. Later, the teachers talk about how hard it is getting children to work. The problem is they keep browsing their phones? Makes sense. However, if you were to put a child in an area with nothing else to do than work, surely they’d work then? Basically, I’m suggesting solitary confinement. Towards the end of the podcast, everyone complains of student behaviour, but two podcasters said they had ADHD in school as well, which I thought was funny. Now check out the show below!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cirwsrei_Ag