Contest 34! (Blog 205)

This stand-up contest has been a bit of a weird one, in that no contestants threatened to kill anyone (at all, but then again, there were only four). However, there was an even bigger reason it was so strange. I got sick of asking people to use their videos and being ignored/getting my messages sent to their spam folder, so I took just one without asking, like I did a while ago. (Apparently that’s allowed in the site I ‘borrowed’ from). Not to worry, this month’s thieved video only had a one in four chance of winning, so it was unlikely(ish) I would secret-blog about it and make the performer feel awkward, if he found out. But it wasn’t really that unlikely, as one routine was half the length of the rest, hurting its score. So it had a one in 3 chance of winning. Well not really as one routine rehashed a lot of old material, hurting THAT score. So he had a one in two chance of winning. Things were getting more and more tense as I marked. Turns out I judged the stolen video to be equally as good as the remainder. So what do I do?

I’ll tell you what I do: Keep that a dark Wiedemann Comedy secret and say there WAS only one victor - the one I actually spoke to. Wee Stu Campbell better be grateful for winning my world-renowned special thumbs up, because his set was SO anti-English. Really I shouldn’t have put up with it, so here is an anti-Scottish joke in retaliation. See how the winner likes that. Anyway, here goes ‘An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. Ow. Then the Scotsman takes the bar and beats the Englishman with it for no reason whatsoever.’ How’d you like that, huh? On a lighter note, check out the racist’s video, below!

https://www.facebook.com/998360970206478/videos/2521448214836645

Hang on, I’ve just noticed something: Remember how I said no one threatened to kill anyone this time? Mr. Campbell is wearing a shirt with the murderous Joker on, isn’t he? Oh God, here we go again. Then again, maybe he’s wearing the clothes because he relates to the villain’s justified fear of being a poor standup comedian. No, I’m not still (seriously) angry with Wee, it was he who said he shares the same dark thoughts. However, if he goes out in public with the same top on, he’s going to need to constantly explain himself to everyone who sees him. How tiring would that be? Clearly not worth it. Then again, I do think his top is aesthetically pleasing. Blacks mixed with greens has always been a personal fave. But still, who wants to come across as a stylish murderer? Really there is no such thing, despite what many killers think.

Now to change the subject! I frequently read the news (or at least news headlines) and the following one really stood out to me: ‘A new zodiac sign has not just been discovered, NASA confirms’. NASA must be a pretty dull company to work for if that’s the best they can come up with. What do they do all day, exactly? Try and find other things that have stayed the same? Remember how the space program used to be cool? What happened to the moon landings? I would understand if there were huge budget cuts with NASA but there aren’t. (Probably. Well there might be in lockdown, I guess). A huge waste of money. Similarly, how would you feel if you subscribe to a magazine and get told the new one’s exactly the same as last month’s? And… Bye!