Contest 56! (Blog 313)

In Matt’s latest sketch, a patient sees a psychiatrist who is also a magician. Crazy, right? I’m saying that because medications are the real ‘magicians’. Clozaril and Clozapine (I don’t understand the difference after all these years, actually for whatever reason, I think they are the same) really are life-savers. So yeah, I wouldn’t call psychiatrists magicians. Judgemental maybe, sometimes even a little freaked out, but not enough so that I’ve ever been sectioned. Phew. Then again, that could because few mental health professionals like the idea of seeing me quite so much. Hm. So yeah, whatever the case, good meds. And what would I do if I DID ever see a shrink-magician, who said I was beyond help and that I needed a lobotomy, like in Matt’s sketch? First up, I’d explain that I was very hurt, secondly I’d simply suggest a higher dose. Let’s not go crazy. However, if someone wanted $200 from me for their clearly rubbish services, I could at least claim the moral high ground. (I hope). I guess I couldn’t say THEY needed a lobotomy as ripping off people who are defenceless does sound like a fairly smart move. Extremely wrong OBVIOUSLY, but clever.

The patient in the sketch wants to get help with his OCD. I’m not speaking for everyone, lots of people hate the condition, but for people like me it is beneficial. I may have to check the doors are locked for about 3 to 5 minutes every time I leave the house, but I think it’s good to be sure. OAPs used to say stuff like in the old days people were nicer, and if a house door was left open, a passerby would enter your home, tidy up and leave a home baked cake for you to eat later, but times have changed. Having said that, I don’t have a problem with intrusive thoughts (actually it’s the other way round) so I guess I don’t really know how bad the condition can be. So I apologise for being ignorant. :( I hate to be ignorant again, but who cares about intrusive thoughts, anyway? Can people read your thoughts? No? So think what you like. Maybe I should stop typing what I like, but that’s another matter. Anywho! Check out Matt’s sketch, below!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_TuDUrX77I

Now to change the subject! I read an advert saying ‘Just for you, £3’ as ‘Just £3 for you’, which clearly isn’t quite so impressive sounding. However, both make sense and rarely, the misunderstood version is more logical. I mean, yeah. £3 wahoo. Moving on again, here’s a Yngwie Malmsteen lyric: ‘You’ve got a head full of lead, that’s what I said. You’ve got a head full of lead and now you’re dead’. Not very nice, is it? Here’s my improved version: ‘You’ve got a head full of bread, that’s what I said. You’ve got a head full of bread and now you’re fed!’ As that song isn’t particularly well known, maybe I can keep the altered version for myself without ever being accused of plagiarism. But what should my band be called? Maybe Battle Cake? Simon Wiedemann and the Pro-tatoes? Or how about simply Excellent Stuff? Or Smell My Face. Hm. And on that curious note… Bye!!

Nope, not bye. Wow. Short blog, so more beefing I guess. I’m sorry Matt for going completely off-track, but hey, two paragraphs that at least kind of relate to you? Not bad, eh? So, how about a more positive mental health story? I always hated Summer and hot weather in general after leaving school and not being able to enjoy the lengthy holidays, but with a simple change in attitude, my outlook is already better. There are plenty of things to look forward to in these times. (Well, I’m not looking forward to the local fair like I have been for the last three years because my brother’s going on holiday as explained a while ago). Sure I feel at least a bit groggy, but I’m sure barbecues, lovely walks and happy faces await. Yip, changing attitudes was THAT easy, now I just need to work out how to cure the biggie - schiz!!!! So yeah, maybe I should be a psychiatrist. Hard to trust maybe, but definitely wise. Now bye!