Contest 59! (Blog 326)

Should people eat bugs as some people are suggesting? Nooooooooooooooooooooooo. Thankfully winner Matt Jones agrees with me. They look disgusting and from what I’ve heard, they taste disgusting too. The thought of eating flies feels as wrong as driving on the right side of the road (I don’t mean in America - I’m not mental), or even kicking someone. You can’t do that, obviously. (Though I once heard a story of someone in my mental home who was so annoying, he got punched in the face, and as far as I’m aware, the aggressor didn’t get into too much trouble! I actually liked the poor victim which perhaps says a lot about me). You can kick karate champions of course, just to test them. If they block the move or hit you back, fair enough. They are who they say they are. But not anyone else. Not even fully grown men, even though they’re more mature and could probably take it better. By that I mean, if someone kicked me in the face as a child, I’d have cried. But now? A funny story straight to Facebook. Maybe I’d post a picture. Again, just karate champions. But don’t attack all those trained in hand to hand combat, such as the police. Never do that.

Apparently tarantulas don’t taste too bad, but they still taste bland. That’s the best you can do when it comes to bugs. It would be like ‘Hey kids, first up, here is a plate of flies. They may taste horrible, but you have tarantulas to look forward to later! They don’t really taste of anything!’ That cannot happen. Food is very important to everyone obviously, but for me the thought of eating insects is particularly crushing. The main things I look forward to in life right now at least, are Papa Johns pizzas. If I ever look forward to eating tarantulas, something has gone spectacularly wrong. Even in a nuclear holocaust, you can eat tinned foods. What events do pro-insect eaters have in their minds that are so bad, they’re worse than one of the worst things imaginable? May I recommend a holiday? Just chill out for a while, you’re clearly very stressed and paranoid. Sometimes when I’m down, I become preoccupied with bees of all things. They’re sensible insects, and I’ve written I think 51 jokes about them. Will they sting me? I’ve been stung once, and I’ve also experienced a prolonged amount of time where a bee tried to sting me through my jumper! Noob. Whoops, I’ve belittled them again!

Anyway, Matt’s video. He has a very goofy smile which makes me ask a question: Is he being funny because it’s a comedy video, or, rather darkly, has he gone mad? I’m just saying, if I lived in world where only insects were available to eat or even if I kept thinking about the scenario, I could end up the same way, just to mask my pain. If someone stubbed his toe and smiled, would he mean it? Probably not. Matt says that he hopes people don’t end up saying ‘Save the planet, eat bugs!’ and again, I couldn’t agree more. Sure bugs eat plants which are part of the planet, but why not save the planet by eating cows? Cows eat far more plants than bugs do right? (Right?) And this will make me sound very selfish and even ignorant, but the planet isn’t even alive! How can you save something that’s not alive? It’s no better than saying ‘I was really upset today. I saw someone drop a brick and it broke.’ You have to move on. I’m sorry, on reflection I’ve decided that the Earth is indeed more important than a brick. That was really dumb.

Anyway, check out Matt’s video, below!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXO-U8B7lwE

Now to change the subject! The other day, I was in the petrol station and I heard two Indian members of staff talking. Naturally I didn’t understand a word they said APART from the words ‘ali baba’ which mean ‘thief’. Well, that’s what I thought it meant. Having Googled the phrase, it seems it could mean a generic ‘bad guy’ which I guess is close to thief. Were they talking about me? Who knows? If I had to bet? Yes. You think you can trust someone and they call you that. Perhaps strangely, I’d prefer to be called a bad guy over a robber as at least being ‘bad’ is legal. If I’m accused of being a smalltime burglar? Just another thing to worry about. However, if I’m being an optimist, I could say they were talking about Ali’s barber, which is perfectly fine. Sometimes Ali needs a barber, no?? Fingers crossed, but yeah. I was called a bad guy. That’s it! Bye!