Contest 66! (Blog 365)

Today, I’ll be sharing Matt Jones’s first experimentations with comedy! As a child, he used to dance around a shop whilst singing in a funny voice? Let’s hope he wasn’t working there, I got fired for doing that kind of thing in a care home. It’s not the kind of thing other social workers want to see or hear. I know that now. I was trying to lighten the mood, but instead I darkened it. As I explained a while ago, what hurt the most was the fact I wasn’t even getting paid. :( Matt is wise though, he quite rightly says you don’t get respect in insane asylums. I don’t THINK he’s ever been to one, but he was bang on. I guess it’s hard to get respect when staff read my fairly out there and in depth psychological profile that I was ‘allowed’ to read. Yeah, I requested to browse it around 10 times and kept getting excuses after excuses. Let that be a lesson for you - you’re NOT allowed to read your notes. Did I dance around my mental home? Basically, yes. But you can’t get fired for that. Instead, it’ll probably give you a longer stay if you keep that kind of behaviour up.

Maybe I’ll stop talking about the mental home one day, but there are just so many stories to tell. Like the time I went onto a staff computer, opened up the special psych forum and posted a load of gibberish under the guise of another psychologist. (To be precise I wrote ‘is it true deaf people can’t hear?’, whilst the friend I was with was even more immature and said ‘your mum’ or whatever). I thought it was funny, but I got into serious trouble. But just imagine a well educated and serious middle aged man saying THAT kind of stuff and the horrified reactions to him! Oh no he’s gone mental. I still chuckle to this day. Wow, this is one selfish blog. I said I was going to talk about Matt, but it’s just been me, me, me. So, he’s had a part time job at a fast food restaurant? Whilst singing and dancing? Who knows? If so, no need to play music in the background and to pay royalties! Promote that man!

I have to say Matt’s first cracks at comedy are arguably much better than mine, unless of course, you like confusing sensible people, too. If you do, you’re immature as well, but if you can resist the urge to spam people, that’s half the battle. But saying ‘Your mum’ is abusive so you should never do that. I’m not fully sure why it’s abusive as it barely qualifies as a sentence and it’s certainly ambiguous, but don’t say it anyway. Oh no. Me, me, me. Matt put a shoe in his bath tub? Now THAT’S funny. I actually did the same kind of stuff, again in a mental home. The difference is, Matt played a prank on himself which is interesting. Well he kind of did. Not really. If your curious, check out his video below! Hm. Still need to beef this paragraph up. So let’s talk about me. What star sign am I? Cancer. That means if I die from the condition, it won’t be ironic but a coincidence. You don’t want to die in an ironic way, it suggests it would be humorous. A bit random, but that’s what was on my mind at the time of typing. (As I wrote this whole blog several days ago now, I can’t remember why that was! :D)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2f9p3DvADI

Now to change the subject! Google says the average person speaks 7,000 words a day! Well, I’m below average. All I’ve said today is ‘can I have some hash browns please?’ When asked if I was paying by credit card, I said ‘Yes’. That’s basically it, so that’s roughly 10 words. I probably won’t say anything at the gym other than maybe ‘woooo’ and ‘boooo’ (two non-words that just make me feel better when exhausted) and after the gym I will say something like ‘can I have a buffalo chicken wrap, please?’ (Another food that's hard to get sick of). How am I supposed to get 7,000 words out of that? How would you feel if I insisted on rambling at you about food and exercising simply for the sake of appearing normal? You’d be annoyed, wouldn’t you? So stop making me look like I’m ‘strange’ somehow. Stupid fact. Bye!