Contest 72! (Blog 393)

Helloooooo, it’s a new contest blog! So, hello. In Matt’s latest sketch, he plays a standup comic who goes mental on stage and tells his audience to die. Wow, something must really be bothering him… On the other hand, maybe he’s just crazy and gets upset super easily. Maybe he drove his car over a kerb and punctured his tire. If he can’t deal with things like that, me and the comedian are the same, let’s be friends. It’s a frustrating feeling. Feelings of stupidity combined with disrupted plans AND my dad’s voice playing in my head saying ‘you’ve done it again, haven’t you.’ Yes. I have. On the plus side, not for a good few years now. I get him back, though. He forgets to bring a reusable bag when shopping? He gets a disapproving noise from me. He sneezes and he gets a disapproving noise from me, etc, etc. I’m not joking. Maybe Matt would like to get tips from me about how to annoy someone in more socially acceptable ways to calm him down a little. Remember, you shouldn’t forget reusable bags, they’re good for the environment. Sneezing isn’t morally wrong, but you could make an argument saying he needs to wear a mask. Just think these things through and grow as a person. An annoying person sure, but 100% fine and dandy in the eyes of the law.

It’s quite possible the standup behaves the way he does in the sketch all the time. In that case, that’s too far. In his defence, you never really know what kind of audience he has, though. It could be that his crowd are a large group of deaf OAPs. Whilst it would be wrong if he shouted at such innocent people, you do have to look at things from his perspective. He could get away with it very easily. You can’t deny that in a weird way it does make sense. Then you remember other people have feelings, you feel bad and apologise. His audience could also be a group of hardened criminals. Yes it’s understandable if the comic is angry at them, but telling them to die? Needless to say, it’s a bad idea that could backfire. Later on in the sketch it appears that the funny man is in fact a felon too, as someone asked how his day was and he tried to stab the well wisher! Imagine him performing in a prison to his shady spectators AND performing to himself simultaneously because he got confused and didn’t know what to do when he realised HE was shady! An unforgettable routine, but kind of sad, really. Mental, too. Even more tragic, the same comic died performing on stage in the end. He didn’t wonder who to stab to death - an immoral prison audience or maybe himself, he died from stress. Had he known of my therapeutic micro aggression techniques mentioned earlier, maybe he would have been fine.

Now check out his video below!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZO6hqyzLvLE

Now to change the subject! Just yesterday, my mouse clicker stopped working. Techno terror! What was going on??? (Again, it’s very easy to stress me out). Maybe my computer had a weird virus, where I could wave the device around fine, type, view the internet, view the whole computer screen perfectly, but just not click for whatever reason. There’s always a sicko out the who gets off on that kind of stuff. I clicked my mouse repeatedly over and over again and finally, I could consequently at least partially use the thing and do some internet research. Turns out Google doesn’t seem to know of any ‘click viruses’ I just described. Phew! So what could be the problem? Maybe I needed a new mouse?? Then I had an idea, maybe just maybe, the thing wasn’t working because of a buildup of dirt inside of it. When I cleaned out some of the gunk in my mouse’s clicky thing with a very small dental brush used for flossing teeth I did indeed make things ok. The feeling? An indescribable high. Not only did I fix something for myself, I also came up with a new purpose for a teeth cleaner. In a way I felt like an inventor and I still do. Not only that, there’s another tip for YOU! And on that fantastic note, bye!