Contest blog 69 (Blog 379)

It’s another Matt Jones promo day, and this time I’ll be sharing his video called ‘Content Masterclass’. At first I thought the guy on Matt’s left was Brendan Fraser, but of course for that to be true, he’d have to have reversed aged a good few years. Maybe he’s invented a new beauty product? If so, a very smart man. Maybe my confusion could be because of undiagnosed face blindness? Whilst it’s true I sometimes have a hard time recognising people I haven’t met in a while, I never used to be like that, I used to be completely fine. Maybe I’ve picked up the condition from being around autistic people? To be fair, I have been around such people when working as a ‘care’ worker for about 6 months. Maybe that’s what it is. Whatever the case, I’m sure a case study about me will be published online, but I’d simply be called my first name alone, so it’s not obvious who I am. But of course it would be obvious as I’ve just described my symptoms now. Would that bother the psychologist writing about me? Probably not.

Matt says that in order to stay relevant, you have to post content at least 875 times a day. That sounds bad, but it is doable if you split your posts up into two words. For example ‘screw this!’ ‘hurry up!’ ‘come on!’ Whilst that is somewhat angry and predictable, those words do some up most of my thoughts pretty neatly. Especially when I’m driving and I come across cyclists hogging the road. I read that cyclists wearing helmets are more likely to get run over because their head gear makes them look inhuman, enraging drivers (I kid you not. What gets to me is I got knocked off my bike and I wasn’t even wearing a helmet). It’s not because they look subhuman, it’s because they’re really really annoying. Maybe wearing helmets gives them a false sense of security, and it makes them feel like they can cycle however they want. Not when I’m around. I’m guessing if the people in metal band Gwar were cyclists, they’d be dead in seconds. And remember Lordi from the Eurovision song contest? Where are they now? Apparently they were cyclists, too. Immediately after singing ‘Hard rock hal…’ a driver shouted ‘Let’s get ‘em!’ and now they’re dead.

Matt’s video was made during social distancing. Did you know that during the plague, many people refused to social distance as well? Do you know what that means? It means that technically speaking, boredom is worse than the plague. And if THAT’S true, if you bore someone you’re worse than killing them, and if THAT’S true as well, if you live in a America, you can get the death sentence simply for not being entertaining enough. A frightening country obviously, but on the plus side it could explain why their cartoons are so enjoyable. Although I’m wondering why their sitcoms are all the same. There’s Friends, where a group of friends hang around together, The Big Bang theory, where a group of friends hang around together, there’s Frasier where a group of friends hang around together, etc. I guess I don’t understand as I have no friends. Now check out his video below!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LF80h8XTK-0

Now to change the subject! If you have a telegraph on you, because you’re an eccentric and have weird passions (in comparison, I know a reasonable amount about grapes), you may be tempted to say ‘dot dot dot, dash dash dash, dot dot dot’, when you’re lost in the mountains, which translates into ’S.O.S.’ or ‘Save Our Souls’. No! Did you know S.O.S. also means ‘Smash On Sight’ at least in the prison population? I guess it gets said when someone steals from another prisoner. The convict would be like ‘what you rob houses, but I can’t steal from you? Hypocrite.’ Then of course, he gets punched again which is very sad because it’s a reasonable thing to say. An intelligent thing to say. The kind of thing I’d say. Then you realise they are in jail because they’re not reasonable, then the world makes sense again and you feel at least a bit better. Imagine if you’re lost and instead of getting rescued someone hits you, just as you were thinking your situation couldn’t get any worse. Why someone would ask to be smashed when asking for help is another question, but it’s certainly an interesting and eccentric story to tell people. And now there’s nothing more to say… Bye!