Contest Blog 80! (Blog 441)

In one of Matt’s most recent sketches, a man on a date tries to pay for a meal, but his credit card gets declined. Not a problem, the woman says she’ll pay. Oh no, she can’t pay either. The two decide to run away without paying, but the chefs shoot at the two and the two then shoot at the chefs. It’s carnage. Sounds a bit extreme? Maybe not. If the two escaped by hijacking a space rocket, flew to Mars then started a new life, it could well have been a modern Simpsons episode! To make the cartoon perfect, the two could have brought their child along to the meal, and the child is the one who finds the space ship, even though she is only 1 year old. To be fair, I have heard crazier reasons why Americans have got into gun fights, but you wouldn’t expect such criminals to be as nice as Matt’s main characters. Or would you? (Slightly) changing the subject even earlier than I usually do, the other day in a shop I saw a perfectly normal looking woman, standing in a queue. However, someone bumped into her by accident, and then she shouted ‘P***K!!!’ Then mere seconds later, she cheerfully said ‘Hello!’ to the cashier… So maybe Matt’s characters are deeper than I previously assumed. I’m glad that person didn’t have a gun.

Anyway, about Matt. He is a very good actor, he dies very convincingly! I was going to say he must have died before, but that would be really dumb. Has he seen people dying? I guess lots of people have seen others ACT-dying anyway. Changing the subject again (slightly) and speaking of the Simpsons and dying, I recently heard the show killed off a character. And that was that? You could make a whole show mourning the death of someone, perhaps you should do. However, as The Simpsons were being The Simpsons, in the show there were precious gems in the jar of the dead guy’s ashes, the mob then got involved, a car was about to drive off a cliff, but the vase amazingly got jammed in the car’s wheels, so the car DIDN’T fall off the cliff, I mean yeah. Just keep it simple! I think Matt Jones is better than that, I’m glad diamonds didn’t fall out of his mouth or whatever as he died, it would be silly obviously. You could try to find a way to make it make sense and I do admire Matt Groening for his similar efforts, but I’d just drop the idea. Having said that, if an evil rabbit came out the guy’s mouth, Monty Python style, that would work. Hahaha, hilarious! Why? I honestly have no idea. Now check out his video below!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr6WnbV-y3Q

Now what to say? Oh yes, this was a question on a gameshow: ‘What does ‘SWAT’ stand for?’ Here was the answer: ‘Special Weapons and Terrorism!’ Special weapons and terrorism?? The guy does know SWAT teams are friendly forces that fight criminals, right? It’s the same as calling the police terrorists! Who’s ever heard someone say ‘Oh no, there’s a gunfight breaking out because two people ran away from a restaurant without paying!’ (That’s another Matt Jones reference for you!!) ‘Let’s call the special weapons and terrorism team!’ To be as clear as possible, if you see acts of terrorism, you’d really hope they were stopped, what you don’t want is MORE terrorism. Sorry for being harsh, gameshow contestant, but you need to understand how the world works before you see a crime and you decide to take matters into your own hands, because you can’t find the special weapons and terrorism team. NEVER carry any weapons, especially special weapons such as grenade launchers, (although you were right about that meaning which is something) and never cause terrorism even if you do misunderstand the acronym! It’s better than thinking SWAT simply means ‘swat’ though. If you have an annoying fly buzzing around in your room and you call for a SWAT team, then you may see the team committing acts of terrorism. (Against you. Because you’re an idiot). And… bye!