Contest Blog 87! (Blog 488)

In this festive Matt Jones promo day, we have him goofing around with some bloopers. It’s not one of his best videos, but in this arguably silly time of year his video is very fitting. If you don’t think it’s silly, try explaining all the bobble hats, even the name of them is silly. I mean say someone wearing such a hat knocked on your door, you asked who it was and he said ‘I’m Mr. Bobble!!’ You’d laugh, wouldn’t you? Flying reindeer with big red noses are funny too. Or are they? It makes you wonder why they got their noses. Delivering presents to everyone in the world within 24 hours is extremely stressful obviously, so maybe the noses are the result of a huge fight, maybe even Santa got involved. I of course, immediately take those comments back. I don’t want to ruin Christmas for everyone. I may be a grown 36 year old, but I’ve even ruined Christmas for me. Deep down I want Father Christmas to be kind, especially as I look up to him and his amazing work for charity. Presents probably aren’t the best things to get for people living in extreme poverty, but he sure as hell tries.

A perhaps even better choice of video to share would have been Matt’s ‘Grinch Theme Song Auditions’ which was very funny, but it wasn’t exactly family friendly and it would be out of place on this warmhearted and innocent site. Actually, I watched a good few of Matt’s equally funny but offensive videos and in the end I thought to myself ‘screw it, let’s just post some bloopers’. Oh no, I just gave two different reasons why I chose the video, it doesn’t make sense, does it? Ok, ok, it was a bit of both of those reasons. Again, check out the Grinch just be warned, that’s all. As this is a Christmas special blog, maybe I could feature the Dominant Egg’s comments to spice things up. But when I show Matt this blog, he’d just be like ‘…. what’s the Dominant Egg?…’ No, I can simply explain it to him, can’t I? The Dominant Egg and his beautiful fiancé we all now know as Wendy Roland. Wendy ‘Wowee’ Roland.

DE: Hello, Simon! You called?

Simon: Yes, I was talking about you so I could spice this blog up…

DE: Oh, ok. I think an egg simply appearing in a blog is enough to make anything more interesting…

Simon: Yep, fair enough. You could call that arrogance, but no, I do think you were right, there. I accused Santa of being a violent maniac. Is there anything I can do to put things right?

DE: Wow. Tough one. Simply take back your comments?

Simon: No, I tried, I don’t think it worked. I mean the thought is out there, now…

DE: That’s Christmas ruined for everyone…

Simon: You really think so?? I thought the same thing!

DE: Not looking good, is it?

Simon: You don’t think I’ve ruined Christmas for Matt as well, do you?

DE: Well, I don’t know. He may be a grown man, but I mean… no one wants the best day of the year to be spoiled…

Simon: It’s not as bad as the idea I had where one of the people in The Big Bang Theory shoots his friend for no reason whatsoever…

DE: THAT’S a sitcom that is spoiled…

Simon: I know. A tip for any writer’s room out there: Don’t get me involved.

DE: You could detract attention from yourself by sharing a link to Matt’s video…

Simon: Great idea! Follow the link below!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnHDFQ8LDRE

Now to change the subject! You know that drooling medication I’m on? It’s actually the very same medicine that treats stomach cramps! The last drooling meds I got treated travel sickness! Boy was I confused. I was so confused, I phoned the doctor and she explained that sometimes meds have more than one use. Even so, things are all over the place aren’t they? For that reason alone, I’m glad I never became a doctor, I could have very easily treated cancer with cough sweets. I mean it’s worth a try, right? And what is the difference at the end of the day. Sadly, I’d be immediately sacked AND imprisoned. Not very festive, is it? The instructions my meds come with explain that one of its potential side effects is a dry mouth. It has to be one of the only cases in history where someone actually wants side effects. An exception would be probably be that Bob Flanagan guy. He’d just be like ‘ah, side effects, great.’ To finish this uplifting blog, here’s a story about me trying to tap on my mobile phone the precise moment it fully loads after turning on. I’ve only managed to do that the one time, and it flashed white as I did so. Was that a way of congratulating me? I’m reminded of secret codes in video games where you can get special powers. In my case, my gift was a flash. Not bad! Sadly of course, that made me paranoid at the same time. I was worried it could have been the infamous white screen of death. Was my phone mad at me? I was just playing a game, that’s all! And on that clearly mentally ill note… bye!