England vs France! >:( (Blog 345)

Today, (now yesterday) I will be viewing the England vs France football match, the main difference being I will be eating a takeaway curry as I watch! I won’t be wanting to talk about too many things as it will get in the way of my meal, but let’s see what happens. Maybe everything will be ok. Ah, I’ve just found out the restaurant opens at least a bit earlier than advertised for pre-orders… … Super duper, I just gave them a call. I’m probably the first person of the day to phone up in fact. You know those annoying people you get on Youtube saying ‘first comment!!’ I feel like one of those. And I don’t care. I will be leaving home in 25 minutes to pick my order up and it will be great. Now I can watch some of the pre-match talk! I wonder if I’ll say anything about it. Let’s find out! Ah more Air Qatar Airways adverts, I see. Am I misunderstanding things here? Can people in countries other than Qatar use Qatar airways? That just sounds weird and confusing to me. If not, they are seriously wasting their money. Ever heard of target audiences? Just advertise to the people in your country! The Coca Cola adverts can go away, too. More so, in fact.

Ah, I’ve just noticed a player called Mbappe, pronounced ‘Mm, bap, eh?’ A cool name to have. I love food, too. Bacon baps, chicken baps, anything goes. Mmm, yum yum. Unfortunately my name isn’t quite so cool, I believe it means ‘Wide man’, i.e. someone who is fat. Or it could mean woodman. I have to be honest, I have no idea. I haven’t noticed any fat people in historic family photos, or people made of wood. Angry looking people maybe, but I’m fairly sure Wiedemann doesn’t mean angry. Wow, Mbappe’s first name is Kylian? Is that pronounced Kill Ian? That’s a weird name. Kill Ian, then get some baps. Ok, I’m going to leave now… Ah I’m back! A few minutes to go, so let’s get nomming!

The football match has started! (Still the food is more important).

10:36: France tried to score but didn’t. Sorry about my lack of activity but again, the curry is too damn good. I haven’t really missed much. Just a lot of kicking the ball. I’m sorry if this is bad blogging, but I am eating fast so I should be back in business soon. I feel like a speed eater. I always thought speed eating was stupid as you don’t appreciate food as much when doing so, but football speed eating? If that’s a thing, it has my full support.

16:24: France score??? Curry really is better than football. Football is a rubbish sport. Full of idiots and annoying people.

18:00: Look at the crowd smiling. If anything I hate them more. Do people REALLY take football seriously? My word.

18:56: A Frenchman has literally just attacked a Englishman! Get him off now.

19:34: Good Eng get a free kick.

20:08: Eng try to score but don’t. It was on target though. Those brave souls, keep the dream alive!

24:36: Well I don’t know much about football, but it looks like England should get a penalty?? That’s what other people are saying, too… I’m clearly quite the expert, I just don’t understand what offside means. Google tries to explain, but I just don’t get it. On another plus, my curry is fully eaten, so expect more 1st rate content.

26:04. No penalty. Dear God. Maybe a chocolate biscuit could lighten the mood? Sadly I have none, but I think I have digestives though. Not amazing, but they’ll have to do. Actually I’ll have them later.

28:31: Kane made an admirable attempt at scoring. Not a sneaky attempt like the French.

30:36: Wow there’s a ball speed display? It travelled about 100 kmh? A nice fact to lighten the mood. Digestives are still for later, really they’re a pre toothbrushing thing. If you know the pain of dental hygiene appointments, you’ll know exactly what I mean. I know I keep going on about them, but I mean… ow. My brother said they don’t hurt too much, so maybe the dentists aren’t really cleaning me up, but attacking me for some reason? I don’t know. Maybe I forgot to say ‘hello’. I do that sometimes.

33:32: The referee has just allowed another foul against England! I bet he’s French.

38:48: Mbappe tries to score. Stick to eating baps like your ancestors did. You can’t win.

40:02: English player Declan Rice gets mentioned. I really admire him, his name suggest he should be eating or making rice, but he goes against his ancestors wishes and plays fair football instead.

42:00: Did the referee just allow a tackle against a Frenchman? Maybe his isn’t French, he just likes violence.

442:40: Scratch that, he just gave a yellow card to someone.

49:52: Half time. Screw it, let’s get the biscuits now. Apparently they probably don’t help with digestion, so really they should just be called ‘biscuits’.

I’ve missed some of the half time chat, as I watched a Youtube video about where Dave Mustaine got his name from. It was recommended to me, and I did find it interesting. He’s Finnish! However, why do videos about animals looking in the mirror get recommended to me? (Actually they are quite interesting). Now I want a glass of water and a banana. Sadly somewhat of a highlight of the last few minutes.

46:36: Eng nearly scored! But now my biggest concern is that I’m feeling very full. Yep, who cares about football? Again.

51:31: Eng get a penalty? Woooooah, here goes…

53:27: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!! YES!!!! YES!!!!! I’m sorry, that sounded somewhat inappropriate. Eng score I mean.

55:55: Wow, France should have scored then, but didn’t. Pown!

58:31: Funniest header I’ve seen in my life. The header dived forward and almost landed on his face.

Not much to say really. Eng nearly score a few times, but they’ll score eventually, I’m sure. I apologise for earlier. It’s not a stupid sport it’s great.

72:35: I don’t know who that mysterious person is, but for some reason, he just looks French. French mannerisms. I’m not saying that’s bad or anything because that would be racist, I’m just saying he looks French. If France win the game, looking French could even be thought of as a compliment. :)

76:24: Great English save!

77:12: ARGH!!!! FRANCE SCORE!!! Dear God this game sucks. I mean really. This is really dumb. The only good thing about the situation is that I missed the goal because I was typing.

81:23: Because of France’s fondness of attacking people in the penalty box, Eng get another penalty!!!!

83:35: Well that penalty went a bit wrong…

96:38: After 13 minutes and 3 seconds, the commentator finally said ‘you’d put your house on Harry scoring that (penalty)’. Well I wouldn’t. I mean my house? That’s mad. Thus the commentator is mad. Get someone else.

100:28: Right that’s it then, game over. Stupid sport. Let’s get a banana. Oh screw it, no banana. God football sucks.