England Vs Iran! (Blog 339)

England just played Iran at football! How did it go? Read on! But first, in the pre-match show, one footfall fan said he won’t be not going home without the world cup. A very stressful time for his family, I’m sure. Will they ever see him again? Maybe not. I also noticed that Qatar Airways were advertised. I’m not sure what the point of that was, as the world cup is in Qatar. What, do you think people would choose French Airways in Qatar? If so, idiots. I thought the Coca Cola ads made more sense, but the drinks aren’t for me personally. I thought I heard one commentator say a player was just 90 years old, though I’m assuming he really said 19. Even though the TV show lasted an hour, that’s all I really could think of to say. I’m not a football pro, but whatever it was the home and foreign experts talked about, it did sound sensible. Sadly both England AND Iran seemed reasonable to me, oh if only England are wise and Iran are more tongue in cheek. I think that would give England the edge.

At the very start of the match I noticed Iran were clothed in red and England in white. What’s my point? Red is the colour of passion and white is the colour of peace. Maybe that would give Iran the edge.

7:17: England almost kind of scored! Even though they were wearing white? Wow. Good players.

As I was typing that up, someone from Iran got injured somehow. He could have a concussion? Wow, I missed something pretty big. Oh the replay showed he head butted his own team. Too passionate?? I’m sure he’s fine though. I had concussion once and I just felt dizzy.

10:52: Stop showing me Coca Cola adverts! It’s not going to happen!

13:45: Wow Iran are letting a concussed goalie keep playing? I wouldn’t want a dizzy goalie…

16:25: Wow, the goalie is lying on the floor in pain. Please for the love of God replace him. They ARE going to replace him, right?

18:03: Oh good, they are. What a weird start to the game. Iran attack themselves and they nearly let a disabled goalie keep playing. Wow.

24:29: A red player has been giving a yellow (cheerful looking) card. Not the time for cheerfulness! Maybe that will give England the edge.

29:09: England almost nearly scored again! They do have the edge!

30:22: Judging by the commentator’s voice, something really exciting happened but I missed it. It’s still nil nil, though.

31:49: Closest thing to a score yet! England hit the top of the goal! Technically it wouldn’t have mattered how fit the goalie was to keep playing, but you know what? I’m glad he was replaced. Otherwise the game would be somewhat comical. I mean he may as well be drunk and as no drinks are allowed, that makes things so much worse! The GOALIE of all people being the most intoxicated guy in the stadium? Utter madness.

34:09: Wow England score despite the red opponents??? Yes!

36:36: The commentator said something like the scorer made his football debut at the age of 60 and a few days. Or 16. If he is over 60, he’s very fit for his age. Very youthful, too. And England still have the edge? I think I’ll stop saying that now.

42:47: Oh England score again! Even though the goalie was able to function!

45:19: Ok, Iran are getting creamed, now. 3 nil? To celebrate, I’m going to get myself a banana.

55:04: Iran make a sucky attempt at scoring.

56:54: Why has the player’s appetite been commented on? I shouldn’t complain though, as I’ve just said I’ve eaten a banana, haven’t I? Whoops.

59:09: Half time! Now to listen to the commentators saying how cool England are. And you know what? I’m going to enjoy it. On the other hand, I bet Iran are saying the replacement goalie isn’t very good and they’ve been unlucky. He must be pretty bad, if at first the team wanted a concussed person to carry on playing instead.

47:54: The reds get another yellow card! Now is not to time to be cheerful, Iran! Try harder! Oh for flip’s sake, Harry Kane has been injured? Oh good he’s fine.

50:30-ish. Another England player has been attacked! Are Iran saying ‘If we’re going down, you are too!’ Maybe that’s what all the Cola advertising is about. Harmless to most people, but fingers crossed, it can really screw up your enemies. If Iran hand loads and loads of bottles of the drink to England after the match? I’m onto them.

61:26: 4 nil to England! Is it too late to bet on who will win? I bet it’s England.

64:38: Well done, Iran score.

67:30 - ish: Someone has left the pitch, but I’m not sure why as I busy contemplating getting another banana.

70:52: It’s great Kane was fine because he just scored. NOW let’s get a banana to celebrate.

80:50 - ish: Now someone in Iraq has been injured, but I don’t know how as I wasn’t paying attention. Which I think is fair enough. I mean if you think Iran have a chance of winning at this point, you’re an idiot. Certainly don’t bet on it, because there will be lots of people who are more than happy to accept your offer.

89:01: Englaaaaaaaaaand!!!! Scoooore!!!!

100:00: Oh there’s a possible penalty for Iran! I’m sure that will make a ton of difference. And of course… nice number!

101:07: Wow, Iran do have a penalty! In case you ARE a madman who has bet on Iran winning, at least you won’t get laughed at MASSIVELY hard if they score. Well I don’t know. At very least it could be slightly worse for you. But don’t bet ever again. I’m serious, you don’t know what you’re doing.

102:30: Iran score!!!!! Wooohooo!

103:12: Ennnnnnglaaaaaand! Game over!

Ok, blog over, let’s proof! p.s. Englaaaaaaaand!!!!!