England vs Wales (Blog 341)

Yesterday, Eng played Wales! How did it go? Read on. But first, here’s a funny story. On Monday, I turned the TV on randomly again, and someone scored a minute later! Portugal scored to be precise, and they wore green and red. The colours of peace and passion? That made no sense, how can you have both traits?? Not only that, aesthetically it looked weird, the footballers looked like Christmas elves. Here’s a thought: Is it a foul if you kick a ball hard in someones face? Surely it is if it’s on purpose. Or MAYBE it’s not. If not, why not do it more often? You could legally and very effectively eliminate your enemies, there are only so many substitutes to disable.

Now for the Eng vs Wales pre match talk: Someone just said ‘Every single man on that pitch wants to win’? It would be a very interesting game if a player tried to lose. Fair enough if you act that way in school, a child (i.e. the smaller version of me) would find that kind of thing absolutely hilarious, but I’d like to think the footballers in both teams are more mature. If not, why pay them such huge amounts of money? It would be ridiculous. Moving on, I’ve just had another ginger bread milkshake, but I didn’t like it as much as the first time I had one. Even so, I will miss them when they’re gone. I can’t really picture myself getting truly bored of something loaded with sugar as it’s never happened in my life. Quite the opposite, famously I can barely control myself around such foods.

Back to the chat, did a commentator just say something like ‘he wants to get out his man a bit more’? That just sounded a bit weird to me. A bit inappropriate. A bit blue. Maybe that was a misunderstanding or me mishearing, if so, I’m very embarrassed. Still, far more interesting to hear than ‘the players want to win’. I’m going to get a glass of water and a banana. Hopefully I won’t miss anything too controversial. Let’s face it, it’s entertaining. (A few minutes pass). You know what? I want another banana. Not another glass of water though, that could suggest something is wrong. Ooh, there’s a Welsh footballer called ‘Shaw’. Sounds like Sure! In another match, I noticed a footballer called ‘Sane’. Me and him probably wouldn’t get along. Anyway, Sure and Sane. That could be a hilarious football double act. If only Sane played for England or Wales. Then I could see the act right now. ‘Rice’ is a funny name too and definitely one to look out for in tonight's match.

Whoops, I missed nearly 2 minutes of football. I guess I got too into imagining Sure and Sane and their wild football adventures together.

2:50 - ish: The commentator said ‘sure’! I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before the name/word gets used in a funny way.

6 ish: The commentator just said ‘rice’! I’d sure like some rice. I’m hoping the commentator will soon say something similar.

7:56: I missed a fair amount of playing, because I was getting something out of my sock. It was a satisfying feeling when I got the thing, though. I’m paying with it right now. That’s a trait of OCD I believe, showing the condition isn’t all bad. I’m having a great time.

9:11: England nearly scored! What was better, that or getting that bit of plastic out? Probably the latter. BUT I would rather if England DID score.

11:09: I missed more football because I got some Actimel out of the fridge. It’s the second one of the day, and according to the internet, that’s fine. But no more than two.

12:09: Someone got told of for hand-balling, but it looked like the other player kicked the ball right at his paws. That sounds unfair. An interesting tactic, though.

14:54: I wonder if I’ll see that angry guy at the edge of the pitch again. Watching the match should help.

15:41: ‘Good rice’! THAT’S the kind of stuff I want to hear from the commentator. I like rice too. However, as I’m proofing this blog, I can’t remember if that was said, or simply that I wanted that to be said. :(

16:21: A free kick for England!

17:55: England finally kick it.

19:27: The commentator simply said ‘rice!’ Even that was slightly amusing to me. Yum yum.

23:04: Someone got a football right in the face. No foul. That’s that question answered.

23:50: The crowd start singing shortly after the injury. That seems inappropriate. It was a mild injury, but still I’d be annoyed.

25:38: Someone in the crowd honked his his horn in the classic ‘crotchet crotched quaver quaver crotchet quaver quaver quaver crotchet quaver quaver’ rhythm we all know and love but didn’t finish the phrase! Very annoying.

30:06: The commentator said ‘rice!’ with enthusiasm, making me hungry again.

30:20 ish: ‘Sure!’ Yes, I’d sure like some rice. :D

32:56: ‘Henderson to rice’. He must like rice too.

38 - ish: ‘Bale helped out McGuire’? Wouldn’t it be funny if Rice helped out McGuire? Rice certainly helps me out.

41:44: NOW someone completed the rhythm. Well done.

45:50: Someone messed up the rhythm again! Stop it! Either do it properly or don’t do it at all!

47:46: He’s literally messed up the rhythm again! It’s not exactly prog metal difficulty, practice at home and come back!

The half time talk isn’t as interesting as I hoped it would be. No funny puns on the name Shaw? At least try. Now I think it’s perfectly ok to get another glass of water. Ok, a commentator did just say ‘weeee!’ and it was genuinely very funny.

48:55: The guy tooting the horn gave up all hope and played a completely wrong rhythm.

49:20 - ish: I missed the Eng goal because I was typing!!!!! >:(

50:53: I did see that Eng goal though. Super cool!

55:08: Wow, Wales nearly scored? Still didn’t tho.

62:30: FOR THE LAST TIME FINISH THE PHRASE!!!!

63:45: I still haven’t seen the mysterious angry guy. No doubt he’s being angry somewhere else.

65:00: Shaw has been replaced by a guy called Trippier, coincidentally a trippier name. I wonder if he will do anything trippy. His ancestors must have done, otherwise why call them that?

67:40: Eng score again! Holy moly. Very trippy, but trippier didn’t score. But surely he helped right??? I wonder if Rice will start throwing rice now. I mean his ancestors must have done. Or maybe they ate it. Or made it.

75:28: Look, it’s a very simple rhythm, a child could play it…

76:40: Eng nearly score again! Why do second halves have more goals scored? I’m not making that up, and I’m assuming the guy saying that on TV didn’t make it up, otherwise he’d be sacked. Unless everyone who works in football is immature. A weird sport.

80:30: The Welsh crowd look unhappy which is understandable.

81:40: I balanced my remote control upright for a good few seconds on my very uneven bed. It shouldn’t be physically possible.

83:27: Oh there’s a player called Moore? I’m waiting for the commentator to say ‘More Rice’. So good.

86:35: More shots of upset Welsh people.

90:53: Eng nearly score again! Shortly after, someone seems to have got hold of a two pitch horn. Musically speaking, it’s even more of a mess than before. Please shut him up.

93:59: It’s over! woo England!

Ok, the post match commentary was very dull, so let’s post this blog right now!