Extreme Double Birthday Presents! (Blog 327)

First up: Great news! You know how I complained about having brown bits of mank on the sides of some of my teeth? I’ve discovered a real game changer: Interdental brushes! Not only do they prevent mank from forming, they get rid of at least some of it. As I said - game changer. You know what this means? It means I can eat more sugary food! ‘But Simon, sugary foods aren’t good for you…’ Yeah? Well when you’re working out almost two hours a day, five to six days a week? Not such an issue, is it? (Is it?) If anything, I need the extra sugar. (Right?) I know what you’re thinking ‘You’re the biggest badass in the world! When football hooligans see your face they run away and cry! Why are YOU scared of dentist hygiene appointments?’ Maybe I’m not. Maybe I am. But why should I have to wait to get the mank cleaned up?

Because I was so excited by the brushes, my plan was to go to Staines and get myself a hot chocolate and cream, AND a muffin. Sadly the Starbucks had shut down, but that didn’t matter as there is a similar establishment about ten metres away from where SB used to be. (I guess Star lost the coffee shop battle). When I say similar, it was actually more or less identical, as they sold all the same stuff. As always, I checked if the hot chocolate had caffeine in it. The guy at the cashier said ‘no.’ Great! Exciting stuff. As I waited for my drink to be warmed up, I enjoyed bits of my muffin. Ahhh. I almost forgot how good they tasted. Yum yum. When I was told my drink was ready, I asked again if it had the ‘mild’ drug in it, as it is super flipping important. I was told to wait as the staff would find out. That was me being paranoid right? Nope. Not. At. All. THESE hot chocolates were drugged. Had I drunk the stuff, I’d have ended writing more of my podcasts, only this time they’d be based on genuine experiences. :S

So, lucky me right? Bullet dodged? Yep, and lucky coffee shop too, because had I drunk a single drop I would have fully-blown sued them. On the plus side, when I complained, I was offered a refund and I asked for a vanilla milkshake, instead. (Chocolate milkshakes have caffein in, too!!) Would you believe I was asked if I wanted cream on my shake? Sure! It wasn’t advertised, but it sounds like a damn good idea. As completely expected, it worked SO well. It was delicious. The main reason I went to the town however, was to buy a present for my one year old nephew and my sister in law. (They have the same birthdays!) I wonder what the odds of that are. It’s not a dumb question actually, as some birthdays are rarer than others. Apparently Christmas is the rarest birthday (apart from Feb 29th, I presume).

I read that Lemmy was born on Christmas, and I was thinking ‘Maybe that’s why he was such a party animal.’ I mean, if you grow up with two huge celebrations in one day, surely it has an effect on you. It’s like anything - if you binge eat something for example, you’ll likely get addicted to it. As my nephew will witness his mum partying just as much as him, I wonder if he will grow up rivalling/outdoing Lemmy. Anyway, turns out Lemmy was born on Christmas eve. So, what presents did I get in Staines? I thought a soap-bubble blowing toy was reasonable enough and it only cost £2! The first similar gadget I came across wasn’t clear. It could have had all the right equipment for the blowing, but as there was another product next to the thing that had a similar but different function, I wasn’t sure if I needed both. Also, there were no instructions on how to use them. Sure there were warnings such as ‘don’t eat’ which were obvious, but again, no instructions. So yeah, I got a product that I knew was completed. A bit cheap maybe, but endless fun.

I also got chocolates for my sister in law which was far less confusing. No warnings, or instructions! However, when I got home and after wrapping the gifts, I noticed I only had one present label stored in a cupboard. I had a dilemma - who do I give it to? The one year old birthday boy can’t read (at least I don’t think he can), and the birthday lady is older and is therefore more respectable. In the end I thought the label for the latter was more appropriate. And of course, if I gave the baby too much attention, it could end up growing up a narcissist. A narcissist and a super hardcore party animal? Wow. Intense. Ok, that’s Staines all typed up! When the extreme double birthday party will happen, I don’t know… :O