Fair Misery part 2! (Blog 376)

Last year I wrote about how miserable I was because I missed out on a super fun fair. Why didn’t I go? Because my brother went on holiday. I could have gone with my dad alone, but that would be worse then death. I’m just saying death is at least sometimes quick. My brother has gone abroad AGAIN and I’m miserable again!! In 2021 my brother simply didn’t want to go (as far as I remember, it’s all one sad blur) and the year before that, I couldn’t go because of the coronavirus! I JUST WANT TO GO TO THE FAIR! So what do I do? I make the most of things and blog about not going a second time! There is light at the end of the tunnel, I will be ordering a Chinese takeaway later (like last year), but that’s basically it. Though having said that, very nice. Notice how I said ‘nice’. I didn’t say ‘big tasty’ because that’s what some of the burgers from McDonald’s are called. It’s like calling a burger ‘huge yum yums’. That’s weird and childish enough, but didn’t McDonald’s do the ‘McGangbang burger’? Obviously I’m very confused as to the market the franchise is selling to. Primary school gangsters? I can’t imagine a child saying ‘Let’s get a tasty yum yum and kill our rival’ because when I was that age, I liked climbing trees! Killing rivals never even sprung to mind and I’m hoping it wouldn’t even if a burger encouraged it. It’s not the kind of thing CEOs should promote. Maybe I’ve misunderstood things and gang bang has it’s other meaning, but that would also be hugely strange. Adult stuff obviously, so why did you get Beanie Babies with your meal?

You know how I recently repeated myself in my last optician blog by accusing the staff of trying to blind me by shining really bright lights in my eyes? What I didn’t repeat was the accusation the optician was like Ted Bundy. So let’s do it now. Simply because there is little else I can think of to write at the moment, and because I thought the idea was so funny, I was really kicking myself I didn’t bring it up again. Professional staff, even courteous, but so was Ted Bundy. Here’s a thought, why not combine evil opticians with cheap restaurants? That way people can be healthy and unhealthy at the same time creating a zen-like balance. Is that was zen is? Probably not. The spectacle wearing serial killer foodie audience? I’m sure that hasn’t been explored in the world of burgers at least, it’s the perfect gap in the market. The place could sell burgers called ‘The McBundy’. And it could give away small teddy bears, also called Teddy (or Ted) Bears! It’s the perfect pun! There are other serial killers of course. You could have the Rodney Alcala (not Rodney Alpaca as I previously thought!) burger (or the McLongHairedGameShowContestant), the Jeffrey Dahmer burger (the McDrunkenCannibal), or the Peter Sutcliffe burger (the McBeardedLorryDriver). Is that inappropriate? Well at least it’s not promoting GANG violence or group se… ahem. Well you know.

For whatever reason my mood is quite a lot better than last late Spring/Summer. Usually I feel pretty rubbish this time of year, as the time was approaching I was thinking to myself ‘Oh here we go’, but yeah, not so bad, it would seem. Maybe that’s more important than going to an event largely aimed at children. I’m not saying I approve of violence obviously, but a few years ago there was a small scale fight at the event I heard about, which does make it more macho let’s face it. I’m just saying my enthusiasm for the place now seems just a little less embarrassing. The trade off is now it seems like I’m a criminal. But I’m not. Well it would be macho unless it was children who were fighting. In that case no one wins, which is another reason to be depressed. Changing the subject a little, I’ve experimented with sleeping on my back, and I seem to have needed a little less sleep recently. Better mood, less sleep and an honest upcoming meal that doesn’t glorify violence with fluffy toys? You’d think some Indian meals would promote violence (ultra spicy vindaloos, I mean), but again, not true. You’d at least expect those eating the meals to scream at people, maybe even punch someone out of frustration, instead they just go numb in the face. It seems India are doing something right.

To pass the time as I wait to go to the gym, I’ve been picking small objects up with my toes then bending over and transferring them to my hands. It seems my situation isn’t quite as good as I’ve been letting on. That also suggests severe writer’s blog. Oh I know what to say, I’ve been expecting to get a text message telling me to get a Covid booster jab, but I haven’t had one yet. I have mixed feelings about that. The journey to the centre could be perceived as a waste of time, but chronically bored people such as myself could call it a small scale adventure. I actually remember the first trip out to get my shot was actually a fairly good day. There was the exploration of a new town, (another!) Chinese meal, and general mystery. The only real downsides were the getting lost and sore arm. It seems the local vaccine centre for Staines is gone, the easiest one to get to now is one in Hounslow. I’m kind of intrigued about the place because it was named as England’s second most miserable place to live. I’ll tell you what misery is - wanting to go to a fair for what is it, four years now? But getting told no over and over again. The thing is all it is a load of stalls and I wouldn’t really want to buy anything. At very best I like the thought of buying things, but really all I want to do is walk around. Maybe Hounslow are miserable because THEY have no fair? Having done some Googling, there are 27(!) theme parks and funfairs to pick from, there. You could say the residents should be more than happy, or maybe 27 just isn’t enough. Seems reasonable to me. :(

Ok, the gym session and takeaway didn’t generate nearly as much material as I was hoping, but on the plus side, I saw no happy fair enjoyers on my travels who could make me depressed. Even if people made me depressed on purpose I could at least claim a moral victory, instead I got a grey middle ground. You may be wondering why I suddenly decided to change my sleeping habits. Well, I’ll tell you. Because of the medication I’m on, I dribble in my sleep, and if I sleep on my side, I end up with my face lying in a puddle of my own spit and I wake up red faced. In the end I thought enough was enough. What do I do? Organise an appointment with my doctor and get me some tablets to stop the drooling? I could do that, but I have a fear the doctor would be like ‘Sure. I’ll get you your medication… But you look mad so I’ll section you.’ That’s not exactly likely as you’d think psychiatrists would section me instead, but even so the fear is there. Not to worry, sleeping on my back has improved things. I don’t particularly like sleeping on my back, but as mentioned it does seem to make me need less sleep. Only about 10 minutes but you can certainly squeeze a few songs in that time. Maybe I snooze less because I don’t enjoy sleeping as much. Still though, when I’m asleep no problems! Bye!