Feelin’ Festive! (Blog 406)

The other day I checked the Papa John’s website as I often do, and the site said it didn’t deliver to me any more! A small wave of dread went through me for a good few seconds. Then I pulled myself together. Sounds like an exaggeration? Actually it was true. That’s not festive. Not being able to deal with the situation, through a lot of trial and error I tried to get the site to be the same reliable and efficient self it always had been, and in the end I did actually find a way for the page to deliver to me again. Phew! I practiced over and over again so I didn’t forget how to do so and I also made a note of the method. Turns out doing that could be perceived a waste of the time as I checked the site a few hours later and it was back to normal, but I personally don’t consider all the experimentation a waste, as when I found out how to use the site properly, (though with underhanded tactics), it did give me peace of mind I wouldn’t have got otherwise.

Last time I ordered a Papa John’s I got one whole pizza instead of a half and half of two different ones, but I wasn’t too annoyed with the mistake on their part, as it was all super tasty. But do that again, and I’ll assume you’ve done it on purpose and will have to phone and complain. Alternatively, if I don’t have the guts to do that, I’ll withhold the number on my phone and make a prank call where I have a list of phrases in front of me that I activate with a mouse. When I click on them, a different Arnold Schwarzenegger quote gets sounded and it will be very very funny. Then I hang up. Talking of messed up takeaways, I recently ordered a battered sausage and chips. I was asked if I wanted salt and vinegar and I said ‘yes’ and the meal was covered in the stuff. I thought THAT was done to ruin my meal and I got irritated and shouted ‘STOP!’ Not at psycho volume, but loud enough to show annoyance which is exactly what I wanted. Then the cook was just like ‘I’m sorry??’ and sounded kind of upset. Having eaten the food later on I actually found the levels of salt and vinegar was just right. So sorry, cook, please forgive me! :(

Now to discuss the weather. I’ve talked about how you technically get a white Christmas if ONE SINGLE bit of snow falls and how dumb that is, but this time I will do so in a different way. I guess I feel strongly about the subject, it’s just mental. Say you want to buy a black car and the dealer shows you a car that’s completely red. Then you’d be like ‘I’m sorry, I want a black car…’ Then the dealer would be like ’No come here…’ He gets out a magnifying glass and explains that actually there is tiny speck that is black. So it’s actually a black car, technically speaking. Well, my theory is the hypothetical person actually exists and somehow, he blagged his way into a high up position where he taught and practiced meteorology. On the plus side, I do like the weather now. Very refreshing.

There have been some adverts on TV about organisations trying to help stop homelessness. They describe homeless people as being ‘cold and frightened’. It’s the kind of language that describes a helpless kitten. I’d be really annoyed if someone described me in such a way. And it’s such an under-exaggeration, too. I was cold and frightened when I read that the local Papa John’s seemed to have closed. If I was on the streets, it would be so much worse, obviously. I haven’t really been watching Christmas films yet as it’s a bit early for THAT, a week before Christmas fine, but not four. I could watch soaps such as Eastenders now instead as they’re apparently more ‘grown up’ but they seem to have a warped view of what the holiday is all about. As a Christmas special, one of the cast will probably die or something like that. Right, blog over I guess! It’s neatly summed up how Christmassy I feel right now. Not TOO much, but the pizza today will be enjoyed, that’s for sure. Just a heads up, if Arnold Schwarzenegger calls you as you’re working for PJ, he speaks gibberish, says his catchphrases and you can’t work out why… it’s me. Bye!