Great Weather! (Blog 325)

I know Summer isn’t over technically speaking, but the weather is much cooler now and that’s good enough for me. Furthermore, apparently trees ‘think it’s Autumn’, too. I’m not sure if that was meant literally. I know it’s theoretically possible to read a person’s thoughts at least, a possible explanation is that trees are simpler and thus are easier to read. Then again, some know the secret to living thousands of years, so maybe they’re not so simple. They could in fact be massive, knowledgeable health freaks like Mister Motivator, but times a thousand! Here’s a thought: If a tree had a son, would it be tree-son? (i.e. treason). Turns out, no. Child trees are called saplings, and I don't think you get boy and girl trees. But image if they were called tree sons. They’d be so hated by royalty they’d be none left and we all would die of carbon dioxide poisoning. The power of language. Again, maybe the plants are deeper than they’re letting on. After all, they do have lots of free time to think. Maybe they think about what it means to be a happy tree. Maybe they see being kind to others as a road to happiness, but when they witness such brutality from lumberjacks? Not so easy. And imagine how bad it would be if they were killed by royals for having male children. They’d be like ‘What? What did I do?’

You what I also love? The grey weather! In comparison, if you saw someone wearing grey, you’d probably think ‘Hm. A reasonable guy’. If you saw someone wearing more summery colours such as a mix of green, yellow and blue? You’d think ‘What an attention seeker’, right? ‘Hug your family more so you develop a more healthy personality.’ The breeze from my open window I feel as I type? So good. To be clear, was the late Spring and early Summer quite as good? No. I went to a zoo and that was pretty much it. Still though, nice zoo. I guess as things will get darker, I will find it harder to look to sunny skies and sneeze which is sad, but I won’t be bothered by suicidal flies flying right into my mouth as I cycle. I can finally show off the fact I like Nine Inch Nails through my hoodie (I have no NIN shirt), too. My Black Sabbath hoodie’s zip has broken, so I can’t show my dedication for THEM, but similarly, Alice In Chains, Nirvana, etc. will be honoured. Ironically they are fairly miserable bands, but there is a trick: Listen to grunge in an Autumnal breeze and you’ll feel great.

Here’s another plus: In colder climates, you don’t have to spray yourself with suncream making you smell like women’s hairspray. (I know the smell because I mistakenly sprayed it on my hair repeatedly as a child. I thought it was for everyone!) It may just be that I have a strange product, but when the hairspray smell is gone in a few seconds, you get a soapy smell. Again, women’s soap. I don’t seek out women’s soap, I’ve smelt it on others, that’s all. I’m not saying smelling like a girl is worse than skin cancer, but there are negatives to all situations. (Apart from Christmas which is wonderful - and something to look forward to, now!) Another negative of MY sunscreen is that it partly works by making you want to stay indoors, so you don’t get laughed at. Only joking, it’s not really like that, unless someone approaches you and gives you a big sniff. If not, you’ll go unnoticed. Also, computer typewriters don’t have to put up with sweaty fingers, eventually making them manky.

Ok, ok, I’m finding it hard to come up with more reasons Autumn is so much better than Summer/late Spring. Really it’s just the weather, I confess that my other reasons are borderline nonsensical. And that’s fine. (From an ex-schizophrenic it’s actually pretty impressive. Most schizos aren’t at all easy to comprehend, you know?) Even so, the weather alone is a pretty big deal, no? Well it is for me. Ah yes, is drinking more water a plus or a negative? I mean, surely it would be a plus if water actually tasted nice. In comparison, if someone said to you ‘I’ve been eating my favourite food all day! It was awesome!’ and you asked what the food tasted like, was it curry or fish and chips? Imagine your reaction if he explained the food didn’t really taste of anything. Are flavourless drinks ok, but not foods? Something to ponder. Ok! That’s it, bye!