Hair cut! Again… ! (Blog 247)

I’ll be getting my hair cut, soon! There sure will be a lot to cut off. It would certainly be surreal if my mowed down hair gradually filled the whole barber’s up, but schizophrenics have weirder worries. Back in the day, that could have been a legit concern of mine. I don’t mean to sound obnoxious, but at the time I would have just laughed it off. Maybe the barber would see the funny side, too. As in ‘I’m so sorry! I didn’t know I had quite so much hair! You’re not mad at me, are you? I bet this will look bad for business. You really need to clean your establishment more, you’ll get a one star rating. Also, you might want to sweep some hair out of the door, so we don’t suffocate.’ The eagle-eyed out there may have noticed a pattern - if I don’t know what to say, screw it, talk about going crazy. Fingers crossed, maybe it’ll work out. I don’t know what to say, do I? Just a hair cut. Imagine if your hair filled up a whole street. That would be awkward. If you live in a rough area, I can only imagine the stress you’d be going through.

Anyway, I don’t think anything like that will happen. If it did, I guess maybe I would be eating too much protein?? You’re supposed to eat lots of the stuff if you go to the gym, but those side effects really would be excessive. It could actually be fatal if you choke on your own hair when you’re asleep. I guess the protein bars you find in shops aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Oh yeah, they don’t cause extreme hair growth. I hope. You never know, maybe sports companies cover up the deaths of customers who look like extreme hippies. No! Ok, I’ve pulled myself together, now. On the subject of protein bars, some of the ones I’ve eaten taste pretty good. I was kind of expecting them to just taste of chemicals, but they can certainly compete with normal chocolates. Sounds too good to be true. Surely there ARE some side effects… Ok, I’m fine again. Thumbs up to protein bars. (Though fruit is better for you, so you might as well eat that).

You know what I really think will happen? I will leave the place with my hair shorter, pure and simple. None of that wacky stuff. Let's be 100% clear. Then again, didn’t the large hadron collider discover a new particle that changes how scientists look at the universe? This is a long shot, but maybe hair CAN come out of nothing. The LHC was obviously extremely expensive to build, so it better be discovering something impressive. It doesn’t have to be about me alone, that would be awkward too, but if it could discover an amazing truth about everyone’s hair, that could be cool. I wonder if Stephen Hawking ever pondered about his hair. If not, it was probably because his fellow scientists would laugh at him. If only he could PROVE something amazing, like I wish I could. Maybe there was hair before time itself?? Isaac Newton had long hair, didn’t he? I’d love to know how fast that grew. Maybe it was long because of mysterious particles he was working with in secret, or maybe he just wanted peace and love. Sadly we will never know.

I’m back and snipped! Thankfully the credit card machine didn’t swallow my card like last time, so I could actually pay the barber. Then again I used a different machine, this time. The damage has been done and my trust has gone. :( Sorry Sainsbury’s, maybe you should stick to groceries rather than handing out cash. The thieving incident was a while ago now, but I’m clearly still annoyed. It’s an interesting situation when the victim sounds like the asshole, isn’t it. Well tough. Speaking of being an asshole, I thought of a much better way to make my hair cutter look bad. Instead of filling his place of work with ridiculous amounts of hair, I could just walk out half way through, and look like I’ve fallen out of a building. I actually once climbed on my college roof and got stuck, so not such a ridiculous thought. (But it was only the first floor, so that was ok). Then again, I think I should just leave the hairdresser alone as he’s done nothing wrong. That’s all from me. Bye!