Haircut Part 2 (Blog 276)

Today I had my hair cut! Pretty mundane, right? Yep, BUT there was one time I felt uneasy, one time I felt worried, and one time where I thought to myself ‘Ha… How about that?’ Not TOO boring. (Right?) I may regret the decision of writing this article, but I’ve started so I’ll finish. Let’s get to the drama right away: Even though technically speaking, I could get away with not paying the hairdresser and legging it as he always asks for money after doing his work, I still had to get money to pay the man. It’s the right thing to do. I get a little boost whenever I get noticed for doing something normal as most people think I’m a freak. Anyway, the first credit card machine wasn’t working, but I hate that one anyway. I still haven’t forgiven it for stealing my credit card a while ago and not giving it back. I don’t like the supermarket the machine is connected to for the same reason. They’re both thieves! The second machine didn’t give me money, and it didn’t even have an explanation. It just said ‘it wasn’t working’ or whatever. In comparison, a worker would never ask for a day off and say ‘Why?… Doesn’t matter’. Time was running out! I went home and asked my dad for the money and he had some. Drama over!

Once nice and snug inside the haircutter’s, I was met with the questions I always get: ‘Do you still play guitar, and are you still writing comedy?’ It’s as if those question’s positive answers are unbelievable to him. I’m assuming he thinks stuff like ‘all this gormless weirdo does is sit in silence the whole time without doing anything… I bet he can’t even tie his shoelaces.’ Actually the reason I don’t say anything if not spoken to is because there’s little point. I’ll just have to say it again. Ok, maybe I was a weirdo before the in depth questioning started making me hard to feel empathy for, but no, I’m not making up my guitar playing or my writings. I’m probably not going to recommend my site’s new material to the guy now that I’ve written THIS, but just flippin’ listen. Actually I think he may follow me already, and was just making conversation. I guess it will be awkward if he reads this post. Would it make him feel better if I said he cut my hair well? And I don’t find him annoying, really. :) Just slightly annoying.

I don’t know if it was intentional or not, but the barber sang a tune to himself that was the first four notes of ’96 Quite Bitter Beings’ main riff! Not only did he sing the same rhythm, I think it was in the same key. Coincidence? Who knows? If it was, the guy has a real talent for writing catchy melodies. It’s a killer riff. I didn’t point that out, as doing so could lead to follow up questions such as ‘Do you write your own riffs?’ which is basically the same question as before. But maybe I should have brought up the subject of the song to make me seem more friendly. Actually I’m sure I should have. After my hair was cut I went to another cash machine, that time by a petrol station, to see if the machines from earlier were at fault, or if my bank account had gone to hell. Luckily I COULD withdraw money from the new place. I had to pay 99p to do so, but you can’t put a price on peace of mind. Actually you can - 99p.

That was the trip out, basically. I thought I’d have to hop in front of puzzled witnesses to add some drama, but clearly no. I kind of wanted to hop in front of the petrol station keeper to freak him out or at least confuse him because of the injustice I experienced when having to pay for something that was already mine, but these things can eat you up inside, so I left it. I’m not sure what else to say, really. Maybe I could hop in front of my dad, but that could be perceived as very ungrateful behaviour. He’s twenty pounds down, and then he gets THAT. It may surprise you when I say these hops are very calculated. The art of surprise is a deep topic. No, only joking, there are no deep thoughts. It’s random. And on that honest and even vulnerable note, byeeeee.