Hampton Court the Trilogy! (Blog 574)

Earlier on today, I went to Hampton Court with my dad, brother, sister in law, nephew and two mini nieces! Now I know this sounds unbelievable, I don’t really believe it myself but I didn’t shave, today. I know right? I just had to get that out of the way first as I can’t believe it myself. Something must be going on, but for the love of God, what? On the drive there, I spotted a UVH numberplate! So what? Well… Uncle Van Halen! I’ve seen Eddie, Alex, now his uncle, now I’m on the lookout of GVH, that being grandpa Van Halen. When we all entered the attraction, a member of staff asked how many adults were in the group and my sister in law said 3. It’s 4! I’m a man! What was she trying to say? I’m immature is that what it is? Oh never mind, she got it right in the end. To start the festivities, we visited the so-called Magic Garden. I wondered what was so magical about it… The astroturf? Grass that never needs to be mowed? Yeah, I get that! Maybe the fun houses were magical, again, I get it… There were many dozens of children there but one in particular stood out as I thought he was wearing a jumper with ‘War Patrol’ on it. Wow, that is one hardcore four year old. Then I realised it said ‘Paw Patrol’ I guess that was better.

Whilst in the same area, my dad showed everyone pictures of his newly painted bedroom on his mobile phone. I wasn’t alone in wondering why he chose the colour pink, is he ok? I mean he’s a man in his 70s. Most girls grow out of the colour when they reach 13 or 14 or so, then they grow up and choose maybe a light blue instead. Well, not my dad. Maybe he’s just colour blind, not me, I recognise subtle shades very well, I’m in the top 5% in that respect, Facebook told me. He should have asked for my advice, but it’s too late now. Still in the magic garden, I noticed some rather odd benches. You know those holes archers shoot out of that look like crosses? Well, the benches had some. Who shoots arrows out of benches?? After seeing those, me, my dad and brother visited a shop STILL in the same area selling a variety of foods. One food on offer was simply called ‘Ice cream tub’. A bit vague, no? It’s like a shop selling a product simply called ‘meat’. To be fair though, when I asked for the ice cream, I was offered a range of flavours, and we bought chocolate ice cream for everyone.

I soon found the spoon provided was a flimsy bit of cardboard, making eating a bit of a challenge and I ended up with the food all over my hands. It looked like dried blood and rather darkly it looked like I punched someone very hard. :S It wasn’t as bad as my nephew though, he looked like he very viciously bit someone! After eating, my brother, nephew and dad went to the toilet. I followed them even though I didn’t need to go as the alternative was staying with my sister in law and I didn’t know what to say to her. I guess I was still offended she clearly thought of me as a child. What do you want me to do? Wear a suit and shake someone’s hand? As stated before, doing so makes me feel peculiar. I could have talked to the children playing in the sand, but I didn’t know what to say to them either. Oh yes I forgot, sand was in the magic garden as well. Yeah, I get that, I do think sand is magical, actually. When everyone was out of the toilet, we all hung around the sand area just mentioned. It was there my brother showed me a child’s handheld game and he asked if I wanted to play it. Again, I AM a man…

After that, we all took part in an ‘Easter egg hunt’ where we searched for scattered statues of rabbits. Close enough, I guess. It wasn’t too much of a challenge though, as the eggs/rabbits were on maps that were handed out to everyone and the other visitors shouted when they found them. No, on second thoughts map reading IS hard, isn’t it? I still haven’t mastered the Kingston town centre area, though it is getting just a little bit better every time I visit. After all the egg-rabbits were found, we all did a tour of the actual palace! (A normal family would probably prioritise that over the play area). As we’ve all seen the area before, there isn’t too much else to say about it, although this time there was a medieval play playing on speakers that sounded like it was acted by John Cleese. To end the day out, we were offered two mini chocolate rabbits each by a member of staff. It was there I noticed some hand sanitiser which is just what I wanted, as earlier I told my sister in law I got pen in on my trousers and she recommended the sanitiser applied with cold water. I sneakily put some of the stuff on my hand and put in on my trousers, but it didn’t work. I guess I needed the water…

After that, my brother’s family went their separate way as me and me dad went back to a different car park. On the way there, we walked around a fair where we spotted a mental looking ride that took people very high in the sky and spun them around 360 degrees, up and down over and over again. It looked crazy but actually riding it was on another level! (My dad wasn’t interested, probably because it could kill him). Woah there! Best ride ever, better than anything Thorpe Park does which is slightly annoying as the next time I go there (hopefully soon) I will have to queue up literally over 1,000 times longer for a ride that isn’t as good. The ride wasn’t perfect though, as I did worry my glasses would fly off and be lost/smashed forever. When I got home, I dabbed an alcohol based product with cold water as recommended (I thought shaving foam would work just as well as sanitiser) and yeah, it did a pretty good job! The pen hasn’t completely gone, but I’m sure it will with another bit of shaving foam! So yeah, a pretty good day and good trousers! Bye!