Heat! (Blog 321)

As I’m sure many of you are thinking, what’s with all the crazy hot temperatures? I’ve seen lots of people saying it’s like being in oven which I agree with, but what I don’t agree with is the way many imply that’s good. How’s this for an advert? ‘Go to Spain, it’s like being in an oven!’ I wonder if people are suggesting being in a literal oven would be better. By that I mean if someone were to say ‘It was like Heaven’ and later described something as ‘literal Heaven’, you’d rightly presume the latter was better, wouldn’t you? Therefore, (unless I’m mistaken) you could argue the following advert is more effective: ‘Go to Spain, it’s an oven!’ ‘Oh if only it were true’ many will be thinking. There are some real nut jobs out there. People are fainting, forests are getting burned and people are getting addicted to ice cream and that’s good?? What are the pros on the other hand? Less people are entering burning forests, climbing trees and falling out of them? You try saying that to people. You and I may have liked climbing trees as a child, you and I may even want to climb another deep down but you’re too embarrassed or maybe even ashamed to, the point I’m trying to make is that the weather is actually mostly rubbish.

One of the only benefits of the weather I can think of is that I always wanted to know what 40 degrees centigrade felt like. Now I know, hopefully the weather will respectfully back off and become more sensible. Drinking lots of water and hardly peeing is another plus, not so much because I like the taste of the drink and want as much of it as possible, but rather because it makes me feel like my body is destroying water and as we all know, that’s impossible. My body seems to be defying physics, that’s what I’m saying. Maybe my sense of pride is a sign of low self-esteem, I don’t know. Maybe I should get a sense of achievement from helping others, but helping people who want to be in an oven? (Which appears to be most people). How would I reach out to them? Of course I’d never let anyone get serious burns, but if a brief burst of heat makes someone see reason, maybe it’s not such a bad thing.

Some cinemas have been allowing people with pale skin to enter the establishments for free and shelter themselves from the sun. Whether or not they get to watch films, I don’t know. If not, not much of a day out, is it? Basically, it’s just a load of worried pale people hanging around in a room munching popcorn. And remember many trains have been cancelled, so many people would be stuck in the room if they got there by rail. Again, not much of a day out. Of course people should be praised for trying to do the right thing, but personally if I was in the situation cinemas have been offering others, it would genuinely be one of the worst days of the year for me. If films were shown, I wonder what they were. Maybe a snowy Christmas film would ease the pain?? A fine line between doing the right thing and being patronising.

The weather is clearly driving people crazy, just today I saw three children steal a bottle of Jack Daniels, and the shop staff were just like whatever and let them get away. Sure there was a sense of disapproval, but that’s it. Well I thought it was crazy, it’s the third blatant small scale robbery I’ve seen now in the last few years, and all have got away with it. Let’s face facts, robbing shops seems like a sensible thing to do if you really hate the thought of paying. I’m not suggesting people rob shops, of course not, but you will get away with it based on my experiences at least. I’ll tell you what I could never get away with: Underage drinking. I don’t know how that would work, anyway. And who wants to drink Jack Daniels in this weather? I mean you’ll dehydrate simply by not drinking enough water. Forcing water out of you through alcohol is particularly bad, as you lie in pain on the floor and get arrested by the police who (hopefully) do care. Ok, that’s all from me! Moral of the story - rubbish weather. Bye!