Hopping Day! (Blog 256)

Today, I will be hopping all day. I will quite literally be hopping mad. Why? Because I don’t think I’ll be doing anything particularly interesting in the near future, and I need to get my minimum four blogs a month done. (Just for the sake of professionalism. A special thumbs up to me). Ok, ok, I won’t be jumping up and down ALL day. It would be very hard to explain why I would be doing so to my dad in a way that isn’t at least mildly embarrassing, so I’ll leave that. Could you get someone sectioned for hopping? What I do know is my dad is the sort of person who would try. Similarly, I won’t be hopping in public, (or will I??); I won’t be hopping whilst seated as that would be impossible for me at least; and most importantly I won’t be hopping up and down stairs, as that would be incredibly dangerous. (However as dogs are famously EXTREMELY understanding, I will hop in front of them. They may be confused, but they won’t think ‘freak’). What do I hope to achieve or learn with this blog? Tbh, nothing. :D

Ok, so I’ve just woken up, sorted through my emails, had breakfast, shaved and that stuff, and the time is 9:15! Yep all that stuff took an hour. A bit excessive, but that’s OCD for you. (The preceding paragraph was actually written yesterday. Sorry for tricking you). I just did a single hop in the bathroom, and it didn’t really do anything for me. Then again, why would just one make me feel any different? Later on in the day, I plan on doing a full-blown hopping wigout. (Or will I?) THAT will boost my mood. (Or will it??) When I go out to get some food, maybe, just maybe, I could do a single hop when no one is looking. Comedy gold. It’s the kind of thing you have to plan very well, as I could definitely get a reputation if I get caught. Not so much for being a rebel without a cause, but for being a prick. I should be fine if I get caught on CCTV alone, but what if the snooper has the power to section people? (I don’t fully know the job description of camera operators). It would be like ‘Simon has one leg delusion! Go, go, go!’

9:37: Ok, it took a good 22 minutes to write that last, let’s face it, stupid paragraph. In my opinion, that’s worse than the OCD. Nevertheless, I will soldier on. I think now is a good chance to do some major hopping. Let’s go to the bathroom again. People could see me through my bedroom window if I stay there. I doubt psychiatrists will be spying on me right now, but that’s not the point… … I just did about 40 hops! This is a tough blog. I have no idea what to say about THAT. Even though I did roughly 40 times more than before, I still feel the same. To be fair though, I AM used to hardcore one hour and fifteen minute workouts out at the gym. (Yep, I’m still gong there fifteen minutes longer than I’m supposed to. Yes!)

10:00: This blog is boring. Maybe I should raise the stakes. I’ll do a hop in my bedroom, despite the risks discussed earlier. I’ll also do some psyching up to prepare myself for a public hop. I’m genuinely nervous... ... I’ve done the bedroom hop! Am I getting the exercise buzz, yet? In a word, no. Do I feel more mentally focused? Again, no. Luckily however, I don’t really need to be when I sort out my boss’s emails. I think I’ll do that now. Who knows? Maybe I could do the odd hop after every 10 messages or so.

10:27: Finished. I didn’t do any hopping, because I forgot quite frankly. Sorry. I’ll hop now to make up for things. That’s roughly 42, now. :O

10:53: You know what? I think I’ll go out and buy my food now. Really not looking forward to my special mission, I have to say. I’m sure I’ll do a lot of looking around to see if people are looking at me, and I’ll look as shifty as hell. I’m really building up the tension, aren’t I? I hope you’re not thinking I’m making a huge fuss about nothing, and that this is my worst blog yet. I’m fully aware that lots of people are getting killed in wars, right now, but my pain is just as valid as everyone else’s. Right?? Anyway, I’m going. Bye! :S

11:25: I’m back! I went right to the back of the shop car park so no one could see me. I checked around me as casually as I could. One little hop. That was all I needed to do. I went for it. Success! Only it wasn’t a success, as after the mini action, I spotted someone in their van staring at me. He had an expression on his face that said ‘What the hell was that?’ Again, I casually walked away, but deep down I knew things would be bad, if the van man told anyone about me. Rumours would spread. Nasty rumours. I hoped that everything would be forgotten about in a few minutes, but when coming back from the shops, I found the van guy was still staring at me. Let’s pray the worst of the day is now over. It’s time to eat some fruit and a Peperami in shame. :(

11:45: Back to writing! I just did another hop! Boy it feels good to do so in private. At least good, relatively speaking. Fingers crossed that isn’t the start of a life-consuming addiction. Imagine if things get so bad, I move onto hopping in public when I think no one is gawping at me. Just for the thrill of it. THAT would get me a reputation, at least in the end. It’s like when people say ‘So what if I smoke some weed? It’s harmless!’ Before they know it, they progress onto harder stuff like heroin. I have to be honest, here, I’m not sure how this blog is going to end. I might stop writing relatively early, as I want to get this article posted today. (Rapid Fire Simon is a better nickname than whatever the van driver is pondering, now). Furthermore, proof reading takes a while. I guess I’ll eat some pasta, now. Yum. In the evening, I’ll eat some spaghetti. I AM grateful for the Italians, I’m not just saying that.

12:31: Food eaten! Let’s just do one last hop. There we go.

12:54: Nope, the hopping still hasn’t generated material. I hate to moan, so I’ll boast instead. Over a thousand words of tension, drama and healthy living. That’s better. After posting this blog, I can move onto something else. See? Not being lazy. I guess… Bye!