I’ve Gone Insane :( (Blog 235)

Ok, I haven’t really gone insane through boredom, but if I DID, what might that look like? Let’s find out… In this hypothetical situation, I no longer fear caffeine, so I drink as many energy drinks as I like, obviously making the situation a whole lot worse. Consequently, I hear lots of whacky stuff that’s not there. Most of it’s completely random, so it gets ignored. Making things even more terrible, I stop taking my meds, as I believe they resemble the horrifying ‘cake’ drugs in Brass Eye. (Actually they do, they’re just smaller. As the saying goes ‘only a fool would enter the nightmare of cake’). Oh no. My symptoms have got even worse. I don’t think the voices are random anymore. Instead, they’re some of the deepest words I’ve EVER heard. ‘Chocolate, basil and East?’ How inspiring. Very excited, I tell everyone, but rather than them being inspired, they’re simply confused.

Why could that be? Maybe I just need to explain myself better. Or MAYBE the people I just spoke to were knowledge-hating aliens. But why would aliens hate knowledge? Surely they’re even more advanced than humans? It doesn’t make sense! Or DOES it? Maybe the aliens do the biscuit walls of spam. Hang on… That was gibberish. Or… was it? ‘Spam, biscuit, bricks, eggnog, toes… Of course!’ Yep, in mere minutes, I’ve gone COMPLETELY mad and have lost all ability to reason. Sad really. On the plus side, mental institution food isn’t that bad, and there are a wide range of desserts and biscuits on offer. But my God are the places boring. (Unless you’re trusted enough to walk to the local newsagents. Back when I was 15, I REALLY was. Great times).

Oh no. I’ve put on 2 kilograms in just a week. (Again). I guess I was trusted too much. Nothing much else to do than eat, really. The free biscuits keep taunting me, as does the coffee machine. And we all know what’s in coffee. If you thought things couldn’t get ANY worse… Nope. They Do. The TV keeps talking to me, even though I never even wanted it to. Like the most annoying person on the planet. Seriously, what kind of person refuses to stop talking to you? It’s beyond rude. I can’t keep up with the channel as the profound thoughts keep bothering me. It’s just ridiculous. There’s only so much I can take. I snap. I have an argument with the TV. Does that make me look good to the staff? Again, no. I get forced to enter the nightmare of cake even more than I did before.

Ohhhh, turns out the meds are actually good for me. I fully understand that now, yet I get told never to watch Brass Eye, again. In the end I get sent home. Everything is fine, now! But oh no. Lockdown is still going on. I’m on a stronger dose, but will I be able to cope? Maybe a can of Coke will ease the boredom. You know what happens next. Yep, back to hospital. Ok! Just to be clear, that was an imagined scenario, but that kind of stuff basically happened and I’m doing all I can so it never happens again. :S If I have to pester Starbucks about the content of their drinks, so be it. I need to be sure for obvious reasons. If they make a mistake with my order they can (expletive) off, quite frankly.

Changing the subject, I know this sounds unbelievable, but I’ve counted my Vitamin D supplements, and I will be starting a new pack on the 8th of March. That should be the end of lockdown, in England! For the 3rd time now (or is it 4th? Definitely not 6th), I’ve proved the tablets are psychic. Even more amazing, is the fact I’ve only tested them out 3 (or 4/5) times. Do you know what I suggest? Stock up on as many of the things as possible as soon as possible. Literally EVERYONE will want them. But don’t tell anyone I said that, as psychiatrists are notoriously close-minded. It will back to the priory I go. And on that troubling note… Byeeeee!!!