Internet Down! (Blog 213)

As I’m writing this, my internet has been down for a while, so I can’t really do much. I certainly can’t do any tune reviewing, as my music files are on Dropbox and unsurprisingly, to post reviews online, you kind of need to be online. A bit of a no-brainer, that one. The worst thing is, after more than 200 critiques, I’ve just yesterday given my first 5 star one! How exciting! But I can’t tell the winning band (Autocatalytica with their album ‘Powerclashing Maximalism’) the exciting news, so they won’t be feeling special for a few hours. (According to the internet helpline). Unfortunately, other reviewers of theindependentvoice.org give perfect scores much more frequently than I do, so to the casual, super-skimming observer, my score wouldn’t look TOO impressive. However, for extra clarity, I pointed out how many reviews I’d written in my review and how few 5s I’d given. (I’ll try not to keep saying ‘review’ but it is difficult). The more hardcore observer who actually reads musical summaries (which I’m assuming is everyone, unless they don’t understand/care what the site is about) will be impressed and may even celebrate somehow when they check out mine. Perhaps with some Coco Pops. (Was that confusing writing? I guess I've done worse).

‘Coco Pops??’ Yes, I know that sounded random, even a bit weird. Let me explain: To ease the pain, I’ve just eaten some Coco Pops Coco Rocks (perhaps nicer than typical Coco Pops, but they don’t turn the milk quite as chocolatey) instead of eating them before I go to the gym as a kind of boost. Needless to say, the cereal has been on my mind. Should I have brought it up? Perhaps not, but it’s out there now. Is there anything else on my mind? I mean, not really. I guess I’m listening to Az Yet and their album ‘Az Yet’ (or maybe the band Az Yet and their album ‘Az Yet’ - could be either). I do like the music, but my word some of the lyrics are graphic. If the musicians were a few years older they would most likely be perceived as pervs. How did I come across it? It’s not the kind of thing I usually seek out, especially in terms of subject matter, I spotted the thing brand new in a charity shop with the plastic covering still on it, so I thought I’d take a risk and buy it for 50p. Money well spent I think, but let’s not play it too loud.

Changing the subject quite drastically, many people are annoyed at the government because MPs or rich people in general don’t have to social distance whilst grouse shooting (forgive me if that’s not actually true, again, I don’t have the internet to check), but if I was rich and REALLY wanted to antagonise people, I’d make the working classes have no freedom, whilst making golf courses, 3 star Michelin restaurants, mansion parties and super-yacht sailing trips completely free in terms of how many people could turn up. Oh my God! Just this minute, the internet has come back, maybe before I said something really offensive! (And no I’m not going to check about the grouse, my blog my rules). I’m so happy! Ok, I’ve just posted the review and am waiting for thumbs up, heart symbols and all sorts. Maybe one of my quotes will be shared on the band’s Facebook page. Who knows? Well… I’m still waiting. Rather disappointingly, all that’s happened in the last half an hour or so is someone clicked on my review. Oh. That’s embarrassing. I think I’ll change the subject again.

Ohhh, I know. It’s a bit late now, but a few months ago I saw someone I hadn’t seen in many years. I thought to myself ‘I know that guy, he’s the one who kept making motorbike sounds for no reason whatsoever.’ Interestingly, one of the first things he did when I saw him again was make another motorbike sound. I don’t know WHY he did that, maybe he just likes the things. Then again, I do know a few bike enthusiasts and do they go ‘Brrrrmmmm!’ whilst walking down the streets with their children in buggies? Nope. In fact that’s a good way to get your Hells Angels membership cancelled. Last thing on my mind: I hate to bring up Black Sabbath AGAIN, but I will be talking about a different album, so it’s ok. I always really liked the song ‘Symptom of the Universe’ and I thought the lyrics were really cool. However, turns out they were written whilst high and actually have no meaning. Why admit that? It’s like you reading a really deep poem and thinking ‘Wow. That was amazing.’ Then you get told it’s gibberish. How’s that supposed to make you feel? Pretty damn stupid. Ok four paragraphs and the internet is back. Not too shabby. Bye!