March Tidbits (Blog 241)

Right! I’m sure THESE will be the last tidbits I do, as Coronavirus is getting absolutely mullered. As per usual, let’s get right to it. (Do you really want me to write more about lockdown? I’m basically doing nothing. Told you (well I implied) it wasn’t worth mentioning, just as I wouldn’t write about how times I blinked in a day. Who cares? Apart from me, that is - I just found out people blink 15 to 20 times a minute. Cool!) Tidbit 1: I watched a Youtube video saying another star was slightly bigger than our sun. (It was more interesting than that sounded, you had to watch more of it!!) What do they mean by ‘slightly?’ Because I’m thinking another few meters, but the narrator probably meant a few thousand miles, which doesn’t sound like slightly to me. Why do there have to multiple meanings for something so basic? In comparison, imagine if 1+1 could also equal 3. Algebra would be Hell on Earth. Slightly should always mean slightly. It’s like seeing two road signs and and arrow on the road telling you to go. Is that overkill? No, it’s clarity.

Next! Because I didn’t know my dad’s new phone had a mute feature that was enabled, at first it must have seemed like I spammed my local curry house, as I talked with no reply and got hung up on three times. ‘Why is this loyal customer turning against us?’ I bet they thought. Then I unmuted and everything went ok. Or so it would seem. I got given the wrong order partially, probably as a weird and mild form of revenge. Next! When I was in the priory many years ago now, one of the staff would often say ‘There are children in Africa’, when people threw their food away. Wow. There are children in Africa, how deep. Naturally as many patients there were deluded, I’m sure they took his incomplete and apparently random phrase literally. The same worker shouted German phrases (probably made up, but they sounded pretty good) when walking in the street, like it was nothing, so maybe he did simply mean there are children in Africa. I guess that would be factually accurate, but it seemed he was missing the point. I don’t know. What I do know, is he too should have been on some potent medication.

Next! Here’s a one word palindrome: Solos! Here’s another!: Otto. The second one sadly isn’t mine, I heard the name being called a you-know-what on The Simpsons. Still, that’s a neat fact for you. A tidbit. It may have actually been where my love of the words started. Flog golf is another good’n. Next! I like researching people’s surnames to find out what they mean. I’m sure other people would be interested in knowing what their names meant in ancient times too, but would it be creepy if I told them? I guess it would be a bit stalkerish, especially if I don’t know them. But what if someone’s name is really cool? Like ‘Armstrong’? Ok, that example is pretty easy to decipher, but ‘Wiedemann’ isn’t. (That name is apparently Dutch for ‘Who the man’? if you’re curious. I’m serious, type ‘wiede’ into an online translator. ‘Wiede’ means ‘who the’ and ‘mann’ is self-explanatory).

Next: You often hear instrumental heavy metal music in serious documentaries, but never death metal or grind core, with the frontman screaming his head off. I recently watched a Viking documentary, and maybe such music would have fitted. It would certainly make more sense than orchestral music. The latter style suggests intellect, and what’s intellectual about bashing your enemies on the head and stealing their possessions? On the subject of music, am I the only one who thinks there is literally no difference in 99% of remastered albums whatsoever? The only such album I can think of that was changed in any way was Megadeth’s ‘Rust in Peace’ and the band made it worse! My God are the updated lyrics cheesily delivered. If you sing about shooting people whilst sounding even a little bit silly, there will be huge problems. There are no silly soldiers. A thin line between clever and stupid, and all that.

Next!: Most of us a familiar with online forums, but what name do you give yourself? Personally, I like to look sophisticated, which is why I plan on calling myself ‘Simon La Voiture’, the next time I set up an account. French is a sophisticated language, I think. More so than cockney, anyway. The cockney language, I mean. Sure ‘Simon La Voiture’ means ‘Simon the Car’ and that sounds dumb, but only to people who speak French. Or maybe if I want a more Germanic vibe, I could call myself ‘Simon das Frettchen’. (Simon the Ferret). No. Maybe ‘Simon der Aktenvernichter’. (Simon the Shredder - Yes, that’s better). One of my old hobbies was annoying people online, so here’s a name for you if you’re likeminded: Chess Asshole. ‘Chess Asshole? I don’t understand…’ Well the idea is to be as irritating as possible, by playing the game like an idiot who doesn’t know the rules. (And I don’t, really). It’s hard to explain why I act the way I do sometimes, so I’ll leave that for you to ponder over. Bye!