Mini People Visit (Blog 361)

To start the day, I ate pizza leftovers. For whatever reason, whilst beef on pizzas is mostly fine, usually the chicken isn’t very good, but Papa John’s is an exception. It’s the other way round with Indian restaurants, the chicken curry is usually very nice, but the beef is often gristly. Here’s an idea: Pizza chains share their secrets on beef, curry houses share their secrets on chicken. That way everyone makes good food and everyone wins. My dad rushed me eating my pizza because he wanted to go to the shops with me and said ‘he was going to be late’. Late for what? The shops? That made no sense whatsoever. Unless he meant the shops would be closing? Well at the time, they would be doing so in about six hours. I don’t spend that long eating. I offered to drive him there, and he said that was nice of me. Yes! But let’s also drive to the petrol station so you can buy me petrol.

When I got home from the shops… more eating! Mangos from the petrol station are very hit and miss, but the fruit I’ve been eating recently is pretty good. I’m feeling so inspired I came up with this name, possibly for a jazz or fun pop band: ‘Good Mango.’ I like it, anyway. Bad Mango is a darker and more pessimistic name for a band, perhaps heavy metal. ‘I’ (as in my dad) also bought some more of those ginger shots I’ve been talking about. I could happily drink a lot more. As I said, I find the drink to be fairly strong. It says on the bottle ‘Once opened, consume within 24 hours’, and ‘KEEP REFRIGERATED’. THAT’S powerful. I wonder what happens if you don’t do that. Maybe it explodes. I’m just saying people use capital letters for a reason, something big will surely happen. I also ate a ginger bread woman who was sadly sold cut in two. It’s unacceptable she would have been in such pain for so long, but it’s all over now. Again as I said before a while ago, go for the head first, don’t make them suffer. The donut I ate was equally unhealthy, but as I know of no animal with chocolate centres, I could eat thing in any way I liked, without having to worry about any ethical issues.

Once the preceding was typed up, I washed my car! Usually I wash my car with a piece of cloth, this time I used a special glove designed for washing vehicles. It made no difference whatsoever. Sure I no longer had to carry an item in my hand, this time I wore it, but other than that, it really wasn’t anything special. It’s just the way my dad talked about it, I was expecting it would be. I was hoping it would get rid of the tiny black dots on my Toyota. I have no idea what they are. I’ve checked, my dad’s BMW has the same kind of dots just not as many. I’ve tried picking them off but it took ages and I just thought ‘screw it’. They’re only really noticeable if you examine my car closely, and I’ve never really seen anyone do that. If I did, I’d feel strangely violated. After all that business, my car got the hose. Take that, black specs! Well, the hose did nothing. Worth a try. After the hose, the specs were faced with round three - a special leather cloth that I use for drying the car. For the third time, I had been defeated.

Not long after that, my brother visited me and my dad with his daughter and son. His youngest daughter couldn’t come as she was busy sleeping. Annoyingly I still think of her as being called Darty rather than Darcy. Tragically, the other ginger bread man ‘I’ bought was eaten by the children much more slowly than me. Not a nice way to go, but at least the children seemed to be hungry. The suffering didn’t last that long. I know I keep going on about ginger bread men, but come on, they have hard lives, I think. My nephew kept playing with a toy Ferrari which is completely normal, but he also seemed fascinated by the washing machine. Buying birthday presents for him could be complicated. I’ve never heard of toy washing machines. I guess it’s best to know that you can’t always get want you want. Toy cars? Piece of cake. Washing machines? I’m sorry, but you’re just different, that’s all.

As the dog was so excited to see the children, he kept trying to bite them and everyone kept having to control the animal. If a person got excited when he saw children and kept trying to bite them, you’d think he was severely mentally ill, obviously. In that respect, saying dog’s are people too is somewhat misleading. You and I know it’s not meant to be taken literally (I hope), but very young people? I think it’s best to explain things so they don’t end up with a very distorted view of the world. ‘Oh dogs are people, too? As we’re the same, let’s chase cats and chew up everyone’s clothes!’ That’s pretty much the definition of a nutter. Fortunately the children had no interest in that kind of thing. Again, the washing machine thing was a little different, but if the boy really wants to wash his clothes, I guess that should be encouraged. As long as it doesn’t turn into an obsession! After an hour and a half maybe, the visitors went home, so… bye!