MOT! (Blog 374)

Yesterday, I took my car for its MOT! I had no idea if there was anything seriously wrong with it, but a bird did poo on it and the poo turned out to be mostly impossible to remove. God knows what it ate, maybe tar or black superglue! Why would it eat such things? Well, there bird brains, aren’t they! Either that, or they’re mentally ill or just made a mistake. On the drive to the place, I was stopped at a red traffic light and still a driver overtook me and completely ignored the signal! It genuinely had me questioning the rules of the road. I looked at the guy by the lights and he didn’t look at me funny for stopping at them, so I assumed the other motorist was the one with the problem. Idiot. Even though there was a fair amount of traffic I got to the place a few minutes early. That was also despite my obsessive checking the house doors were locked. To be clear, I’m impressive, the other person wasn’t.

I asked the receptionist ‘How long should I wait? About 45 minutes?’ and she said ‘Yes’. Not only did I turn up on time, my understanding of car checkups was bang on. To pass the time, I walked to the town centre to check out the charity shops. One shopped seemed to be closed for good, another was closed until the 6th of June which needless is to say way too far away, and the one shop that was open had barely any CDs. In fact, one still had its security label on suggesting it was stolen. Whether it was stolen and donated as a misjudged act of kindness or the person stealing it changed his mind and gave it away, fearing he’d get into trouble, I don’t know. Whatever the case, I didn’t want it because it was girly pop. Yes, that’s the only thing that bothered me. A short while after the browsing, a small group of boys put their bikes lazily on the pavement and left them. An old lady wasn’t having it and told them off. Sadly that annoyed the group slighlty. I think the problem was they were being treated like naughty children, but that’s exactly what they were so they had little to defend themselves. They were stuck.

After that small scale drama that surely wasn’t TV worthy (although I have seen more badly written and less exciting Neighbours storylines, certainly less believable) I bought a Subway sandwich! It was very messy to eat and making things worse, windows were by my side and the traffic outside was heavy. Lots of witnesses, none impressed. How embarrassing. I had a napkin at very least though, imagine the horror an MOT receptionist or indeed anyone would feel when seeing a grown man with sauce all over his face. Especially if he acted like everything was normal. In the restaurant, I couldn’t resit buying an Oreo muffin! If cocaine addiction is a disease and sugar is addictive as cocaine, sadly that means I have a disease, too. When everything was eaten and in the 2nd floor MOT waiting room, I waited to hear if my car had any problems. What I do know is I often put my handbrake on an off over and over again in a weird ritual to see if it’s truly on, just before I leave my vehicle. I’ve worn the brake out in the past doing that. :(

Slightly less worryingly, I also wore my last car’s door opener out in a similar way, but fortunately worn out door handles don’t fail an MOT. Unless you REALLY go OTT, maybe? I’m sure ripping the door off would fail a test, but that’s next level stuff even for me. Perhaps worse than the brake issue, I often drive over potholes at a reasonable speed, maybe damaging my suspension? But that’s not really my fault. I let the potholes know that my shouting at them. Well not really, but I do feel like it. Teach them a lesson. After I wrote up the prior draft notes, I spent the rest of the time spying on people out of the window. I was too high up and hidden to be noticed! (I hope). So yeah, no one seemed to notice and it felt amazing. Soon enough, I was told my car was completely fine! Woohoo! Fittingly I saw a numberplate saying ‘YAY’ on the way home and that was the day out! Bye!