New Music Site! (Blog 299)

As explained not so long ago, I’ve stopped writing music reviews for the-independent-voice.org as it’s closing down, so what site am I working for now? Well, it’s called metal-rules.com, and it has been ‘promoting REAL metal online since 1995’! Admittedly, it’s hard to know exactly what ‘real’ metal is, but what can’t be denied is it’s an old site. It’s the stuff of legends, just on a relatively small scale. I feel like King Arthur. Maybe fake metal is a combination of heavy metal and pop music? No, no, that’s called ‘pop metal’. Is pop metal real metal? Some would say yes, most would say no. Actually I think pop metal does get critiqued. :S The slogan of the site alone is pretty cryptic, so let’s move on. Tbh, I’m not sure it matters. I don’t mean to boast (I so do), but TIV had around 2,000 likes on Facebook, but MR has about a quarter of a million! Exciting stuff, but as far as I’m aware, I’m still not going to be paid. :( I guess not THAT exciting.

Sadly one of my MR reviews was censored in that both a smiley face and a sad face were removed. I guess they were too silly. I’m crossing my fingers hard, my other four reviews go unchecked, as they’re silly too. (Just without the emojis). However, it’s a serious site, so I’m not feeling particularly optimistic. I have a long time to wait, as all my work is scheduled to be published at the start of next month. The very second, in fact. (However, there do appear to be the occasional rogue reviews that are posted on other days, I’m assuming because of some kind of error - that’s a site I feel comfortable working for).

Here’s a thought: We know the slogan is hard to make sense of, but what about the site name?? Whether it means metal dominates, metal instructions, or metal rulers I don’t know, but the last one seems particularly unlikely, if not crazy. What’s it like working for the company so far? On the plus side, the new staff website is fairly similar to use as the old one, so posting my work is a piece of cake. Boring, but straightforward. That’s somewhat of a big pro, as I’m a bit of a technophobe. I don’t like learning new things because I can’t be bothered, every Mac warning I get that I don’t understand (pretty much all of them) ruins the whole of my day until I finally get a harmless explanation, and I even find unexplained beeps from my computer strangely chilling.

I’m not sure exactly what will happen to my hundreds of other music reviews that I previously wrote for free, but I’m praying they’ll all be transported to the page discussed. That would surely make me rule. Simon Rules Metal Rules. Or Simon Rules Metal Rules For No Financial Reason, Whatsoever. Does that make me sound self-centred? Even if I did pown the site, sadly the staff section of it on the home page doesn’t seem to show any staff members, so my fame will be limited. No staff in the staff section? Another enigma! All I want it is a straightforward and logical experience. Ahh, the staff page may not show the staff, but it DOES feature posts from the staff. I guess that’s not enigmatic. Then again, I just said I found two simple beeps enigmatic, suggesting it’s not too hard to confuse me.

On a completely different note, in the latest London Comedy Writers meeting, there was (a very odd) sketch about fish racists. (Or something like that - a very dangerous combination of short attention span and forgetfulness is going on). At no point was the word ‘fishism’ mentioned, which is a great shame. Sounds like fish AND fascism, perfect! Not to worry, I’ll have the neologism for myself, then. I don’t know what I’ll do with it, but when the right time comes, I will be ready. I think that’s it from me! Maybe I could end with a smiley face? Ahhh, the freedom to post what I want! :) Bye!