Noooooo! (Blog 206)

I recently saw a very disturbing speech saying pubs and gyms may need to close next month as schools reopen. (To balance things out or whatever). But the prime minister said that fit and healthy people are less likely to suffer serious symptoms from the coronavirus! Gyms are saving the country! Sure the same argument can’t easily be made for pubs, only someone completely deluded would say getting drunk is good for you, as you stumble around like you’ve broken your legs and see like someone’s poked you in the eyes, but look on the bright side - they do sell healthy peanuts! And why are schools a priority, anyway? Do you learn any remarkable skills there? I’ll tell you what’s truly impressive - standing up when everything is spinning around you. THAT will make you concentrate better, far more so than learning boring times tables.

And you want to know what will make you more disciplined? Drinking games! Holding everything inside you isn’t easy, you know? Once you puke up all over the floor/angry staff, obviously you’ve immediately lost. Clear rules and objectives are what all children need. Of course children aren’t allowed to drink alcohol but I THINK I’ve made a good argument as to why they should. Sure excessive alcohol consumption often leads to alcoholism, but again, that would teach discipline. Maybe Boris Johnson would like to think about that. Yes, I know you’re thinking my ideas of what schools should be like are very strange, but don’t knock them until you’ve tried them.

Now I’ll move onto fruit machines that are often found in public houses: They teach you probability. Well not really, most children probably have no idea what they’re doing when they push the buttons, but it could be said that many children have no idea what teachers are going on about, too. Especially if that teacher is teaching French. I remember my foreign language lecturer putting all these grammatical rules on the board for about five years and no one had a clue what she was going on about. All she asked of me when I took my final exam was to say some very basic phrases. I got an E, but it was better than nothing to be fair. You could make an argument saying fruit machines subconsciously promote healthy living, too.

Making positive arguments for gyms is far easier. They teach you about discipline in a much safer and healthier way. I find they help with fractions, too. What I mean by that is to pass the time, I look at how many calories I’m burning out of the 200 I like to do on a single machine and once I get to say 25, I think to myself ‘I’ve done an eighth’. Sure doing so isn’t mandatory for the customers, but personally I find your brain is forced to find creative ways to deal with mild to moderate physical pain. You also are forced to be good with money, as many gyms try to rip you off. To conclude, get your stuff together! I’m not going into lockdown again, it’s too upsetting! Bye! :(