Not a Good Start (Blog 183)

March has not started well. I planned a walk in Chobham Common, but the ticket machine wouldn’t accept my credit card. Fortunately, I had the right amount of change for an epic two hour walk. But where do I put the coins? I spent about 10 minutes trying to find the slot (no, really), then asked a passer by what to do. She explained it was a credit card only machine. Ah. That makes sense. Unfortunately however, my embarrassing escapades were apparently all caught on CCTV. Well that’s what the sign said. Hopefully no one will suspect me of trying to rob from the thing, because from an outsider’s perspective, it could have looked that way at times. I was being very thorough. I eventually decided to go home, and ask my dad for his credit card. So when I got back to Common I was more than upset when I found that card wasn’t acceptable, either. Is this some kind of joke?

What’s really annoying is the fact I could have went to the gym during that time, but as I’m typing this up, it’s now too late. The establishment closes early on a Sunday. However, is that a blessing in disguise? I do work out pretty hard and sometimes I worry I overdo do it. Such warning signs include me feeling like absolute death when I wake up. But sometimes I feel like that for no reason whatsoever, so knowing what to make of my moods isn’t so simple. Of course moods should never cause joint pain so I can safely assume injuries are always a sign of bad gym practice. My knees seem to have been gradually getting better over time, but maybe they do need a day off.

As it’s not been long since my last blog, I haven’t really got much else to talk about. So don’t be surprised when I change the subject a little more than usual and start talking about the news, in an effort to come up with more material. So… I was browsing the news online (duh) and came across a story about a bullied book lover. I noticed a picture of the boy in question and had a closer look, in case he was holding a copy of The Danger of Proverbs. Yes, that would be unlikely as I’ve only sold two copies and I know the people who bought them, but you never know. Turns out he was holding other books. Other less adventurous books no doubt, that follow those most boring of things - rules. >:( Anyway, as I scrolled down, I noticed the phrase ‘sad weirdo’. ‘Wooooah there’, I thought. How inappropriate is that for a journalist to say?? Then on closer examination, I noticed that was what the bullies called him. Phew! Journalism hasn’t gone psycho. I think that’s something we should all be happy about.

Other news stories that got my attention include that of the dreaded coronavirus. Sure protect yourself, but why dress up in paintball gear? At least that’s what the headgear on the concerned citizens looks like. I guess play the game to keep up people’s spirits? Or if they don’t like the sport, maybe to make them think the virus is less of a problem, if you see where I’m going. Again, things are getting complex. Ok, ok, the anti-contagion equipment doesn’t really look like that. Maybe from a distance, though? No? You can see how desperate I’m getting, right? Next story, I suppose… This one is especially surreal and I assure you, I’m not making this up: ‘Second-half try blitz leads Wasps to 36-26 victory over London Irish’. Wasps playing rugby AND winning! And I thought rugby players are supposed to be tough. If you can’t handle the pain of a sting, what makes you think you can take a massive man running into to you, like a train? No, only joking yet again. Apparently ‘Wasps’ is nickname. A bit of a strange one as wasps are extremely unsuited to the sport, but I guess they CAN chase people. But hold a ball many times their size and weight? No.

Ok, that’s the satire over. In the future, I guess I can talk about the news more if nothing of note happens to me, but it’s kind of cheating, isn’t it? Who out there keeps a diary of things that happen to people they’ve never met, never will and don’t even know who they are? (Apart from crazy people). So let’s make this entry a one-off. Now to go back to things that suck: Wasps! (Or bees, but they’re basically the same thing). It’s that time of year, ins’t it? I had a bee in my room for ages and it was driving me insane. Most bees don’t realise that most people want to HELP them. They want them to leave their house ASAP, right? So why do the insects treat humans so badly and sting them for no reason? It’s like an old lady crossing the road slowly, a nice young man helping her, and the OAP mugging the do-gooder. Sure there are some who try to completely wipe out the pests, but if they didn’t go around attacking people, would they be so hated? Ok, that’s it from me, but expect a funny review tomorrow!