Opticians and Optimism? (Blog 219)

Today I went to the opticians! I was a bit nervous as I waited in the waiting area as I hadn’t been in 5 years and my eyes don’t exactly get the best exercise in the world, as I spend most of my waking life in front of a computer. More than 8 hours a day, and judging by the optician’s tone of voice (and of course common sense), that’s not good. I’m not sure what the alternative is, though. Long distance blogging? What’s that? One of the first things he did when he called me into his room was shine a VERY bright white light in my eyes. As it was explained even the glare from computers can be damaging, I was a little distrustful of the man. I was really hoping he wasn’t thinking ‘Let’s blind him. Treating severe sight loss could earn me some SERIOUS money’. If he was, I would be angry quite frankly. He seemed so respectable though, that’s the thing. Then again, so did Ted Bundy. (Would it make you feel better, if I said I was joking??)

Anyway, after the super bright lights, I was made to read those rows of letters that get smaller and smaller. With my current prescription, I could read most of them which wasn’t bad, as the very last row is designed only for eagles and other birds of prey. Interesting fact. As in ‘You can read the last row? Back to the zoo, you go. Imposter.’ If you can’t read the top row, you’re basically blind, and unfortunately, without my glasses, that’s me. So my spectacle enhanced eyes started out pretty good, and with some experimentation with new lenses, the staff member only made things better. (Slightly). Turns out I’m almost an eagle now, but not quite. There was just a little uncertainty with the more fuzzy letters, which as explained is a good thing. You think I want to spend my life in captivity? Nope.

Interestingly, there wasn’t any comparing black circles on red backgrounds with black circles on green backgrounds. Last time I went to the place, there was and if your eyes were faulty (or maybe good, I can’t remember) the shapes would appear differently on the two colours. Why was the idea scrapped? Who knows, maybe it’s because comparing circles on various colours is completely pointless in 99.99999999% of situations. It’s like teaching Latin (maybe) and Latin is notoriously dumb. Latin numbers in particular kind of suck when compared to Arabic ones, (e.g. why say MMMCMXCIX instead of 3,999) but I’m digressing. Sure there were some circles on the screen as I waited to get checked, but I never got asked my opinions on them. For the record, I thought they looked pretty good, but if the staff don’t truly understand their purpose, how can I? Or maybe I’m paranoid…

When the examination was over, I tried on three glasses frames. However, doing so was futile as I couldn’t exactly see what they looked like without lenses in them. I assumed the smaller ones were best, and as they were paradoxically the most expensive, that was another incentive for me to get them. Unless I wanted to appear like a middle aged English teacher, which I don’t. And an English teacher wearing a Rammstein jumper? Pretty weird, but there are stories out there about school lecturers going crazy and tripping up students/pushing them off chairs, so maybe I wouldn’t be as out of place as I first thought.

That was the appointment, then. Dunno what else to say, really. Hopefully my frames won’t break as I wait for my special glasses that apparently protect against the glare of computers, and hopefully protect against torches, too. I doubt very much my screen is as bad as one of THOSE things. Actually, I’m assuming a torch right in the face for a minute or so, is roughly 1,000 times worse than a minute of PC, but I’ll let it go. I really don’t want to drive my car with mangled frames, and therefore blind, as that will be good for no one. Let’s be legal. You can’t put a price on peace of mind. A person driving a car effectively with their eyes closed and on medication for schizophrenia would look particularly bad. (Oh, I’ve mention schizophrenia again! :O ) Let’s not go THERE. Bye!