Pizza Diary (Blog 278, Super Blog 14)

Hello! We all know I love pizza, in fact I probably think of the food around one hundred times a day. Quite a lot, right? In comparison it’s implied that I’m ‘a clown’ about twenty times a day, and I think that’s a lot, too. Far too much, even. I just get lots of unimpressed looks. That pizzary fact is only more intense when you take into consideration such thoughts often last well over a minute. And when I’m ordering on the Papa John’s website? Make that ten. BUT… I’ve never made a PJ diary. Could be good. Could be extremely repetitive and samey, but I’m all about taking risks. In fact I took a risk just now when I said I get called a clown. Most normal people wouldn’t admit that with such confidence. Hm. I wouldn’t say I was proud, though. Anyway, let’s go!

Friday (Day before epic experience)

14:05: I’ve finished posting my interview and I’ve done my work for the music website I’m doing voluntary stuff for. What are my pizzary thoughts right now? Well, I’m not exactly feeling excited just yet, but I’m certainly feeling positive. I’m also feeling introspective. I don’t really look like a clown, do I? I’ve just Googled some images and they look mental. Why would anyone look in two directions at once and smile as broadly as possible? To be friendly and fun?? Judging by the pictures I’ve just seen, it would be perfectly legal to punch such people in self-defence. If you can punch the stupid red noses off, that would be perfect. Can you punch makeup off? That would take some doing, but I wouldn’t mind.

14:50: You’d think I’d be feeling more positive now that it’s closer to pizza time, but my mood has dropped a little. Maybe it’s because of over stimulation, maybe it’s because I keep talking about all the clown business. How am I a clown?? I mean they just smile and pretend to be in invisible glass boxes. Stay in the box. (Or is that just mimes that pretend to be in boxes? If so, all clowns do is smile and it’s not a good smile, either. It’s more of a ‘come get me, I’ll be waiting’ smile).

15:20: Let’s check out the PJ site. God those pizzas look good. However, the vegan pizzas don’t look quite so appetising. And who’s idea was it to put chillies on such pizzas? If chillies are so hot you can’t stand eating them, doesn’t that show that chillies don’t want to be eaten, either? It’s called evolution. Really vegans need to learn how to photosynthesise if eating once living things is so troubling for them.

15:35: I’m still on the site, you know?

15:40: Let’s check out those sides! Potato tots and chicken poppers? Woooah. I wonder why they’re called chicken poppers, though. They don’t pop, and I wouldn’t want them to either. Not in my mouth, and certainly not in my stomach. Even if they popped in my hand, that could be pretty bad. Chicken shrapnel. :S And why would anyone in their right mind fill the food with explosives? Even if they taste good (I assume they have a bitter taste, but I may be wrong) it’s still very weird. Use pepper.

15:45: Out of morbid curiosity, I’m now checking out the company’s drinks. Pepsi Max? Loaded with caffeine? I know you’re not trying to make me angry, but you are. Back off. Ohhh, I can’t stay mad at you. But if you get the drink anywhere near me, I won’t be so understanding. Then again, if you get the drug in my mouth I won’t be understanding at all. (Because I will be hallucinating and talking gibberish).

15:50: Now let’s check out the desserts. In contrast to the drinks, I’d never threaten anyone who came at me with ice cream, but I would reject them/jab them. I’m not in that game anymore. The disturbing world of sugar is long gone. I hope.

16:20: Just finished watching a Youtube video. No real pizzary thoughts, tbh. I think that’s good, though. I don’t want to be more ADD.

17:00: Just played some sick guitar. Again, no pizza! Good news for my mental health at least in a small way. Of course there are bigger challenges out there. Anyway, I was concentrating on playing in keys I’m unfamiliar with. F# minor? Three sharps? Not too shabby.

17:15: Nothing to do with pizza, but check out this banging new joke: ‘Why did the quickly written T cause such alarm? It was a casual T.’ I got the idea when I saw an advert on TV for the show ‘Casualty’ and when I noticed the casual acting. Medics eating on the job? Personally, it would annoy me if someone ate when I was in extreme pain or dying. It’s not cool to eat in such situations actually, in contrast to what you may think. How would you feel if I ran someone over then ordered a pizza? Ah. Turns out I’ve already written a similar joke. Damn.

20:00: Back from the gym! Did I think of pizza at the venue? Nope. And I’m not now, as I’ve just eaten a Peperami.

20:30: I had a shepperd’s pie that was so lacking in flavour, I genuinely wondered if I had covid. The thing was, it was loaded with fat and salt and that sill didn’t help. Still though, not very sugary. Ok, I can taste my peanuts. Good.

21:00: Not really thinking of pizza, because I’m full.

22:00: Thinkin’ about pizza a little bit.

Pizza Day!

9:45: Still feeling kinda full, so pizza fantasies have been limited lately. Well I’m thinking a lot about the food NOW; I don’t have the ability to write about something I’m not thinking about. I mean I could try, but I don’t think it would turn out well.

10:40: Ok, NOW I’m hungry. It hasn’t taken me 55 minutes to come up with that comment, I’ve been doing some proofreading.

11:00: I’ve just eaten some peanuts! Thank God I could taste them, the pie was scary for a while. Not to worry, pay just two more pounds for a proper meal, and you’ll never have to worry about infection. You can’t put a price on peace of mind… Hang on, it was 99p and £1 last time. Why is the price increasing so dramatically? In a few years time peace of mind could cost millions!

11:40: I’ve just sorted out the emails for the music site I’m working for. Again, not very pizzary. Not to worry, the thoughts will come back, believe me. Especially when I’m eating the thing. I think it’s called ‘mindfulness’.

12:25: Wow, tough blog.

12:34:32: What I like to cal and ‘eternal number’ in that it repeats beautifully, over and over again.

12:34:56: The best time of day by far. A one in 86,400 experience. (That’s how many seconds are in a day, I mean). Cherish the moment.

12:35: On a bit of a comedown, right now. :( Two excellent numbers so quickly? Amazing. 10:00:00 and 10:00:01 are good, too. The former’s a nice round number, the latter’s a palindrome. I guess it’s eternal number too, as are all palindromes. 12:34:32 is definitely king of such numbers, though. A very varied and satisfying number.

13:20: I’ve just finished watching a video that proved 1+1=2. I did understand bits of it (e.g. 0+0=0 and 2+2=4), but I won’t be watching it again. I know 1+1=2 and that’s enough for me. I don’t need to waste my life scratching my head over WHY it’s 2, and how many people do really? That was some complicated stuff. Awful video.

13:25: You know what? I also understood how 1 is more than 0 and how 2 is more than 1 and I think a boost to my self esteem is justified. That may sound really dumb, but not so much when you take into consideration the kind of language that was used. ‘Reflexive property’, ’symmetric property’, and ‘transitive property’? Speak English! Wait, are symmetric numbers like palindromes? Never have I heard such numbers talked about with such confusing and detailed language. Stop thinking about them and leave the mystery! Everyone needs mystery in their lives. Basically, you’ve just ruined palindromes for me, or at least tried by trying to explain them. It’s like when you learn how to play guitar and suddenly epic guitar solos don’t sound so impressive any more. Damn my sick skills!

If you want to ruin your life, too, here’s the video….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkM321DsZAg

13:50: Wow, that annoying video generated a fair bit of material. Let’s watch another… Ok, I’ve just seen someone say ‘onion’ in a funny way. THAT’S the kind of stuff I’m into.

13:51: Here’s a thought: Should I get a small Pina Colada later that’s really delicious or a larger alcoholic drink that doesn’t taste as nice? Tough times. In theory they should be equally good. I mean the pros and cons should balance out. Imagine complaining over and over about how you can’t decide what kind of drink to get, like it’s really traumatic for you. That would annoy a lot of people. I once heard someone complain that their parents had too much money, which wasn’t so different. Still though, it made me feel really hardcore. I could EASILY handle my parents having too much money. If anything, I’d prefer it. Well, I guess I wouldn’t prefer them having TOO much money, as too much of anything is bad. Maybe the person was right to complain… Hm. Just not as much as someone who’s dying. But the person didn’t say that to someone who’s dying, so I guess it doesn’t matter. Ramble over!

14:11:41: Another palindrome is enjoyed and I’m back in business! I’ll never tire of them!

14:18: Wow, I know that 3+3=6 and 3+3+1=8. I’m so insightful! I’m not going to make a ten minute long video about it, though.

14:21: I’ve just come across a video called ‘How school made you worse at math’. No, YOUTUBE made me worse at maths! Before that, I was perfectly happy doing simple additions! Not now!

14:55: I’m listening to ‘Deja vu’ by Yngwie Malmsteen. Thanks to lyrics sites, I now know the words of the song go ‘remove the spirit behind your eyes’, but for a while I honestly thought the singer said ‘remove the spit behind your eyes.’ Was the singer being metaphorical? If so, what exactly IS the metaphor? Maybe the guy meant something like ‘wear glasses’?? Maybe spit refers to cloudy vision. I’ve never heard that metaphor, but it makes sense to me at least, in a way. Or did the singer literally mean some person had actual spit behind his eyes? Why?? How did it get there?? The guy must have massaged some into his face, you can see why he was sung about, I’d talk about him, too.

15:20: I’ve just finished listening to the whole album and despite what an Allmusic.com review says, it’s NOT well polished. The guitar tone is about as pleasing to listen to as a rusty chainsaw. It’s a good album, but yeah, very rusty. Or it’s the musical equivalent of a crusty scab.

18:30: Back from the gym and about to order you know what online. Boy am I happy! Woohoo! But let’s chill out with a Youtube video, first. In contrast to the earlier vids, this time I’ll watch one I enjoy.

18:45: Ordered, now let’s get a Pina Colada! Woooooohooohooohooohoo!

19:10: Done! As I wait to get my pizza delivered, let’s drink to a Youtube video about drinking! Woo!

19:15: No that was stupid, I’ll watch a video I like again. Call me crazy.

19:17: Finding one’s easier said than done…

19:20: Here we go, I’ve found a vid of someone eating things.

20:00: Pizza’s here!! Let’s get nomming whilst watching a DVD!

21:10: All eaten! The highlight for me was the stuffed crust. You get a free dip with the pizza that IS good, but personally I think it detracts from the taste of the meal, so I threw the dip away. ‘You threw food away?? Some people are starving!’ Yeah, well you try eating nothing but dip on its own, it would make you sick. Making anyone sick is demented, but making starving people sick is a new low. And of course, it could definitely seem like some kind of insult if I sent someone a single pack of sauce. It’s like tipping someone a penny that’s been sneezed on. (Causing vomiting). Even if I sent loads of dips that I’d been collecting, the receiver would have to ask themselves ‘why?’ Personally it would cause me to feel paranoia if someone sent me such items.

Pizza day 2!

9:15 (?): I’m not sure exactly when I started eating my pizza leftovers whilst watching more of the TV. Sometimes you have to live in the moment. And I really did.

9:45 (?): Were things fully eaten in half an hour? Sounds about right. Live in the moment.

11:10: Time to get proofing. Might take a while. Byeeee.

13:45: Still proofing! Some of what I said was a little on the stupid side.

14:53: Done!