Pizza Dilemma (Blog 506)

As I’m typing on a Saturday, I’m very excited to say Papa John’s have two new pizzas available! However… which one should I eat today? The cheeseburger pizza, or the grilled ham and cheese pizza?? It’s a tough choice isn’t it? Hard times, no? And they say 36 is supposed to be the happiest year of your life. I’m not allowed to do a combined half and half pizza of the two newbies, again, how is that the happiest time of all time? Sounds more annoying to me. However, the company have also improved the recipe of the chicken wings! The situation is KINDA the happiest experience of my whole life in that respect, at least in a way, I’m just saying things could be better, that’s all. Maybe I should get therapy to help me deal with situation, maybe I’d be accused of wasting other people’s time. Most people’s idea of a crisis is something like ‘the voices keep tormenting me, for the love of God please help!’ But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? If I were to hear voices again, I’d probably calmly just tell them to go away. Again, now my idea of a crisis is my computer crashing so I can’t order takeaways. I can phone up Papa John’s, instead? I could do, though that would mean I couldn’t have a good hard look at the pizzas I was ordering. A little disappointing as I really could stare at them forever.

This is a nitpick, but why can’t the pizzas have more fancy names? The Cheeseburger pizza? How about the truly epic sounding ‘il fantastico formaggio incontra l’hamburger’? In other words ‘fantastic cheese meets burger’. Indian restaurants don’t simply say ‘Chicken plus spice’, why can’t PJs be the same? Here’s an even more epic name for you (basically I’ve just made it longer): ‘Prosciutto grigliato supremo e pizza folle al massimo formaggio’, i.e. ‘Supreme grilled ham and crazy pizza with maximum cheese.’ I guess everything in Italian sounds epic and impressive to me as I can’t speak the language, I just then relied on an online translator. Even the ‘pizza veramente scadente che fa schifo’ sounds epic to me, but as all Italians will know it ACTUALLY means ‘Really rubbish pizza that totally sucks’. Hang on, what was that about schizos? Have I just been compared to the worst pizza of all time? Oh my mistake, the Italian word was SCHIFO. That’s a relief, isn’t it? I don’t want to put the mentally ill community off first rate pizzas, such people really do need all the comfort they can get. May I recommend the various deals the company does? If you’re clever, you can basically get twice as much food for almost the same amount of money. Some say businesses are only out to get other people’s money, but that sounds like genuine altruism to me.

On another note, why have I been neglecting Matt Jones by not posting another of his podcasts? He just hasn’t got around to replying to my request yet, that’s all. I think. If he’s got tired of dealing with someone who boasts about all the mental health problems he’s had and still has, I get that, it makes people feel uncomfortable. The sad truth is that anyone boasting about being a schizophrenic would find it hard getting anywhere in life, even such a person asking for directions would have his problems. Tip of the day: Never boast about having any mental illness. If even criminals withhold that kind of stuff, how bad is going to make YOU look? Imagine an insane criminal being interviewed. The interviewer would be like ‘Do you still have any mental health problems?’ The criminal would be like ‘Oh SO many, SO many…’ Would the interviewer say ‘I admire your honesty, you’re free to go?’ Probably not. Taking things further, the criminal could then say, ‘You misunderstand me, I’m proud of my mental illness, I think it’s neat.’ Would the interviewer say ‘And it’s important to have self-esteem!’? If so, he’s a fool. Many people say it’s important to trust others, but surely that has to be way too far.

Now what to say? Oh yes, to pass the time as I wait to order my pizza, I’ve been watching a Youtube video called ‘Evolution of Command & Conquer Games.’ I was thinking to myself ‘God those helicopters and tanks look cool’. Why is it that things that kill people look aesthetically pleasing? Ever heard someone say a bandage or ambulance looks cool? Because I haven’t. Even if I saw a rescue helicopter I wouldn’t be impressed. But put a machine gun and rocket launcher on it? Amazing. It’s a very funny thought, as I’d MUCH rather see an ambulance follow me than an attack helicopter. Sure I’d be in at least a bit of a bad way if I needed an ambulance, but being in trouble with the military and in particular an armed aircraft that can fly at over 100 mph and has human heat sensing abilities? I would be SCREWED. If I ever get rescued by such an aircraft for whatever reason though, I would actually find the weapons to be comforting. I’d just be like ‘… can I have a go, please?’ I’d be unlikely to be able to do so, especially after boasting about mental illness, but come on, please let me fire at the ghosts in the fields, what’s the harm in that?’ Actually in the hypothetical situation the ghosts were SHEEP. That wouldn’t be cool, would it? Blow up inanimate object fine, but nothing else, that’s the rule!

Right! I’m now typing on a Sunday and I’ve had my cheeseburger pizza and the improved chicken! I can’t say I noticed anything different with the latter new recipe, but then again, I was never good at food technology in school. I once made a teacher angry by saying you can test if spaghetti is cooked by throwing it against a wall. BUT THAT’S WHAT MY MUM DID! Oh never mind. My first impressions with the burger pizza were pretty good. It wasn’t my favourite pizza, but with the special sauce? Yeah, not bad! It only grew on me from there. Again, altruism. It shows the company care. After the eating I did some pondering. I THINK that I said being in band Karate High School was twice as bad as being in the Vietnam war because I was in a band as a teenager and I did indeed consider the experience to be twice as bad as war. Because of my war fixation, I also watched a Command and Conquer battle on Youtube. Towards the end of the epic skirmish, the human player was absolutely obliterating the enemy. However, even though the player had an absolutely massive army and the computer had just a handful of soldiers, the enemy soldiers were STILL getting promoted for doing well in battle. (Or as well as they could). Say the Romans devastated all but two soldiers of the English army. Would the English superior soldier really bother promoting his friend for his hard work? I guess C&C is just a game. And bye!