Scary Christmas?? (Blog 287)

To start this blog off, on Christmas eve, I saw a headline saying ‘AP McCoy Hailed After Saving Jockey’, however at first I read that as ‘Jailed After Saving Jockey’. Very funny. Why go to jail for saving someone? Unless he was the world’s biggest asshole. Sadly thoughts of ME getting arrested would trouble me later on. :O On the same day, I watched Santa travelling the world on the internet and it looked like he was sicking presents down chimneys rather than handling them. Not hilarious but again, it’s a warmup. It’s a funny image. Maybe he had an ultra mutated form of coronavirus? I’m no doctor, so I don’t know if it’s possible to sick up gifts. I guess if you ate them? Maybe Father Christmas has developed an eating disorder because of the stress? It IS a tough job, no? Shortly after that, I slept in my clothes just in case. I wanted to be extra warm and snug to fight off the risk of being sick on the most magical day of the year.

Great! I woke up feeling healthy, if sweaty! After a bit of chilling, I put on my extra snug jacket and left for a ramble in Chobham Common. As I walked, I was thinking to myself ‘this stroll is going to be boring and not worth writing about.’ My God did my wish for drama come true and come back to bite me. Did I get lost? I wish! Unfortunately, I had the option of walking back to my car the long way (roughly 30 extra minutes) OR I could shave off a good 29 by taking a shortcut. What was the problem? Well sadly the shortcut was for ‘authorised personnel only’ as there were some road works going on. At first I thought I could walk around the works through some thick shrub land, but after about 5 minutes of doing so, I thought it was too difficult and I had the risk of being bitten by ticks.

What’s the harm in walking on the construction site and doing some mild trespassing? Chillingly, I set an alarm off immediately which scared me quite frankly. Time to jog away! It turned off after a few seconds, but after that it was back with avengeance. Time to keep jogging, especially as guard dogs are used nearby. Probably not where I was, unless the bulldozers and such were considered extremely important, but you never know. Best case scenario is I look silly on CCTV and I get laughed at. So now I’m waiting to be contacted by the police. Happy Christmas. Only joking, I’ve been assured that I should be fine. Jeez!

On a lighter note, good turkey and chocolates followed! Other than eat and listen to new music, I didn’t really do anything particularly interesting until leaving for my brother’s house. Crucially, despite my Wintery walking, I wasn’t sick everywhere, as I had been fearing for a long time. Even better, I didn’t die as a very small part of me feared. Dying on any day would be very bad, but on the 25th?? It may be fun killing off characters in computer games in funny ways, but never in real life. Is life a game? It is a valid theory, not just amongst crazy people, that’s the problem. On the way, I saw an ambulance with OMG on its numberplate, the last thing any patient wants to see. Soon after, I saw another plated saying OHG (as in ‘Oh hi, God’), but thank God that wasn’t on an ambulance. Then again, OHG isn’t really a phrase, so…

When in my sibling’s house, I told my alarm anecdote to my sister in law, and I didn’t cause too much alarm which was very comforting. When you hear a siren go off and you know you’re responsible, it does cause anxiety. After that, everyone including my nieces and nephew opened their presents. I got three small bottles of spices, ominously called ‘Psycho Juice’. I tried a very small drop of the hottest sauce and it wasn’t TOO bad, so I assumed about a teaspoon of the second hottest would be ok. Big mistake. THAT hurt, it almost made me feel sick. Who knew I’d become ill for THAT dumb reason? Not me. My eyes were certainly very watery, but you know what? Rather that than go to a dentist hygiene appointment. :S

My other presents were far more sensible, and some were even aesthetically pleasing. I got a very nice looking noughts and crosses game, but with heavy metal artwork. I would later lose at a game, but in the grand scheme of things, that didn’t cause me too much stress. I also got a Slipknot cup. At first I was puzzled by the fact it came with instructions. Slipknot fans aren’t perceived as being so dumb they need to be told how to drink? Actually, it’s a special cup, in that it heats water. Thank God, because otherwise, screw you, cup maker. I showed everyone that Youtube video where a drummer at a children’s concert went absolutely mental, and played blast beats and such. I laughed about it, whilst hiding my pain deep down. As explained in an interview, it bought back painful memories.

Children out of the room, I played a very rude card game with the older family members, and I won it without even trying. It wasn’t exactly based on skill, it was just everyone being random in a funny and of course crude way. The dumbest person was the victor, it wasn’t chess. Then again, as I won, I didn’t point that out. By that time, I ate SO much chocolate and drank so much Baileys. You know what that means? I won a game slightly debilitated. Maybe the alcohol helped me to be super random, but again, let’s not point that out to the other players. As I’m typing this up, I have lots of chocolates left over. I hate to sound repetitive, but ignoring them will be a struggle. Just not enough so to SCARE me. Wow. That’s it! Byeeee!