Staines! (Blog 248)

To start the day off, I had my monthly blood test. Not a great start, especially as the nurse/psychiatrist has a tendency to inject my arm and wriggle the damn needle around inside me in search of a vein. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s not exactly natural, is it? On the plus side, I’m proud to say absolutely NONE of my socks had holes in them at the time, which was great as I took my shoes off and weighed myself. Sadly however, my socks were odd. But you know what? I think the style works. One red one, one black. This may sound like I’m desperately trying to big myself up, but Iron Maiden has a song called ‘The Red and The Black’ and everyone loves Maiden. If only I was wearing my Iron Maiden hoodie. As you’ll soon find out, the day would get a lot better, though. Well at least partially. My bloodletter asked me what I would be doing later, and annoyingly I didn’t think things through, and I said I would be going to Staines. I was actually already in Staines, at the time. I looked mental. What I should have said was “I’ll be shopping, here in Staines’. Whoops.

I didn’t go straight to shopping in the town after my blood donation, however. I did a bit of driving around, as I waited for the businesses to open. Luckily my socks couldn’t possibly be noticed in my car. In fact if you ever get noticed whilst driving, it will likely mean you’re in trouble. Actually my drive went pretty well. Great stuff. So I wasn’t in extreme pain earlier, and I didn’t get pulled over for erratic driving. (In fact I never have been! :O) Was that a sign that the rest of the day would be completely fantastic? Unfortunately I forgot to buy some special grapes. Damn. Never mind, I bought some funky new shoes, instead. Worn out trainers mixed with hobo-like socks is a particularly bad combination, and that’s the kind of thing that gets noticed by psychiatrists. Now I don’t have to worry any more.

After my purchase I went to HMV where I bought a Black Sabbath and Alice in Chains album. Great! But now I have to rearrange my whole collection as the band’s names are at the start of the alphabet. I should have bought some Venom, but Venom suck. Only joking, they have a bit of a reputation, but they’re alright. Remember when I said my day would get a lot better, after mentioning my clothes? I was keeping this as a surprise for you: I was wearing a Black Sabbath hoodie! It had the same logo as the album! If the cashier didn’t notice that at first, I had to clarify things by looking at the release and then my clothes, somewhat dramatically. I think he got the message in the end, but he didn’t seem to care about the consistency. He certainly wasn’t amazed. Fine.

After the lack of appreciation, I got a Starbucks. When I ordered my muffin and waited for my drink, I sat at a table inside the building. The sign said ‘Table not in use’, so I was quickly told to sit outside, which I did. But how about using clearer English? ‘Table not in use’ could just mean no one was sitting there, which is what I assumed. I looked like an idiot. I should have complained but I rose above it. When my hot chocolate and cream was ready in the sunlight, I said my well known catchphrase ‘Does it have caffeine in it?’ Classic Simon. In contrast to many earlier occasions, the cream flowed into my mouth with the choc nicely, creating a good balance. That cheered me up. If it didn’t I could have easily lost my patience with the staff. How was I supposed to feel all alone in the establishment with countless signs EVERYWHERE apparently telling me to leave??

To end my stay in the town, I ordered a Subway, which I ate at home. I know when I’m not wanted in shops. If only people saw how I bought my own mouthwash in Boots, using a special self-service checkout, they would have seen how intelligent I really am. I also tied my own shoelaces up. Never mind, I’m over it now. I think. After the food, I did some of this blog (duh, it didn’t write itself THAT would creep me out), then I started the long task of making my CD collection all nice and logical. I didn’t hear any CD cases cracking, so let’s pray there are no casualties. To celebrate a successful day, I will treat myself to a Pina Colada. AFTER I drive. Super laidback driving is just as bad as crazy driving. People have crashed into me twice, I’ve only crashed once (at a very slow speed :S) so I’m ahead. Bye!