Staines Part 1,000,000,000 (Blog 359)

Today I decided to go shopping in Staines, simply out of boredom. I thought it would be good to spend my £20 or so of change I’ve been collecting over the months, that way it won’t show up on my bank statement and I can pretend that I’ve been very sensible and haven’t really spent anything. Clearly delusional thinking, but spending change simply feels better. I know it shouldn’t, and you know it shouldn’t but if you can manage to think in such a way, you can pretend anything. I like to think of myself as a really cool dude. Like Snoop Dogg. In the town’s carpark, I saw someone having difficulty operating the ticket machine. Eventually he gave up and said ‘you try then’. Then he got in his car. Maybe he was annoyed he couldn’t operate a simple device with instructions right in front of him, maybe he felt I was rushing him. Actually I was, just very subtly but at the time I didn’t think he noticed. The odd frustrated facial expression that lasts under a second, and that kind of thing. Whatever the case, as he gave up, that did mean I would spend less of my time standing around like a lemon. The other guy on the other hand sat in his car like a lemon. By that I mean very bitter. Anyway, I know I not long ago said the sign was confusing, but I THINK it’s been updated. £2 to use the car park all day on a Sunday, that’s all. If the sign hadn’t been updated… well God knows what confused me last time.

In the CD shop, I looked to see if Tool had finally released a version of their latest album without the ridiculous price tag. The shop had all of the band’s discography except their work I was interested in, which was annoying. It even had their more obscure debut EP! Having checked Amazon just now, their most recent work is still selling for 32 pounds and 71 p. That’s for the expanded book edition. The expanded book? I don’t even want a single book, why the hell do the band think I would want a bigger one? I don’t think anyone knows. At least the price has come down from about £80, though. I can’t remember why it was so expensive. Maybe the band forced the buyers to read a Lord of the Rings style epic novel for enjoying whilst listening to the music. Doesn’t singer Maynard James Keenan have his own wine brand? Maybe you get wine with the album too. It’s not amazing Tool, it’s random. Instead of Tool, I got a Sepultura album that I’m fairly unfamiliar with, but I know it’s a bit of a classic, so I had to have it. I also got a Papa Roach LP that turns out is their latest release. Sadly it’s usually the case bands start good and get worse and worse, but maybe PR are different. I’ll get back to you!

After the music buying, I went to a coffee shop. They don’t sell milkshakes anymore?? That was genuinely disappointing. The closest thing to a shake on offer was an iced chocolate drink. I was naively hoping that was a fancy and thrilling way of saying gourmet ice cream, no it was runny chocolate with ice in it. Partly because of the ice watering everything down and partly because it was so cold, it really didn’t taste of much at all. Not only did I waste my money, but I added to my sugar addiction at the same time! At least if I eat bars of choc I get something out of the experience. In comparison, it’s very cruel if you get someone addicted to gambling by forcing them to bet on really bland things, like who will fall asleep first. At least races are exciting. Therefore, you could say the iced drink I bought was the work of the devil. That alone gives me the right to request a refund, but I didn’t want to make a scene and of course, appear mental. I asked two or three times if the drink had caffeine in it and I was told no, two or three times. Imagine if it had caffeine in it, and I REALLY went mad. The scene of a lifetime, believe me. The cookie I bought, though? Just right.

Anyway, then I bought some hash browns from the local Subway for when I got home. There was only one person in the queue, yet I was told to go to the back of it. There was no point doing so, whatsoever. Power tripping much? Never mind, when I did eat the food I noticed it tasted of sweets just a little bit. Last time I bought the same snacks I noticed they had the same kind of taste, but I assumed it was because at some point the browns came into contact with a muffin or whatever it was. Nope, I guess Subway hash browns do in fact contain at least traces of sweets. But so I don’t get sued, they were still nice. Just for the sake of filling the sugary void, I also ate a chocolate biscuit. It was a good biscuit, just not as good as milkshake with cream. Dammit. Let’s play the Roach album. Some of it sounds like Blink 182 which is weird. On the whole though, not bad. A bit similar to some of their prior albums, and the rapping is a bit odd, too. The singer is in his mid 40s now, maybe he just drop the style, it sounds weird coming from people that age. Not exactly comical, a man in his 70s rapping would be let’s face it. So we have bits of pop punk aimed at teenagers and an old dude rapping. Sounds rubbish doesn’t it? Not to worry, the metal parts are better. That’s it, bye!