The Cinema Museum! (Blog 177)

Yesterday, I went to the Cinema Museum in London to watch a comedy gig. What would it be like? Let’s find out… First up, I had to get to the place. There’s no avoiding it, that’s life and life is sometimes brutal. You can tell already the journey didn’t go so well, right? The train bit was perfectly fine, but the walk? Holy moly. The first few minutes were filled with optimism, but after about half an hour or so, I was getting desperate. A tramp approached me asking for money for ‘food’ and I spotted an opportunity: I give him what he wants, he gives me directions. How much dough was fair? I had a two pound coin and a five pound note. I know the homeless go through a hard time, but for the service he was giving me, £2 was perfectly reasonable, I thought. Considering the amount of time I spoke to him, it was well above the minimum wage.

All sorted when I showed him my hand drawn map, then? He just pointed on it where to go and that was that? Unfortunately he had no idea what I was going on about, and he gave me the wrong directions. At least I think he did. Things were so bad, there became a point I had NO idea where I was. Lots of pestering of pedestrians followed and I was running out of time. Fortunately, the adrenaline the tension gave me, made me run like some kind of super-human. I must have been sprinting at around 50 miles per hour, which I believe is 23 mph faster than Usain Bolt’s world record. Pretty cool. It seems all those years at the gym are paying off. Sadly though, my knees haven’t completely healed, so I can’t exactly run all the time. It’s annoying having the fitness to be the best, but having legs that ruin your dreams.

When I finally reached the Cinema Museum… well, what a relief it was! I was only about five minutes late, as well! Amazingly, I was earlier than a lot of the other visitors. You know what that means? They were either worse at reading maps than me (that’s such a terrible thought, it could mean they don't even know what maps are), or they were taking the mick. But why would anyone do such a thing? Were they getting in the mood and joking about? Well the joke’s on you, because the comedy wouldn’t start for another half an hour or so. Anyway, as I entered the venue I had to explain that I couldn’t pay the £7 entry fee as I gave some of it to a homeless gentleman. But I could pay by credit card, right? No, the card reader wasn’t working. Not to worry, I arranged to pay later on in the day. Somehow.

Once I entered the food area (the same area as the main event itself) I wanted to get some munchables. However, as I should only really have been using my credit card, the minimum spending allowed was £5, meaning I had to buy more than I wanted. Then I got told the credit card thing was back working for the tickets, meaning I could have used my £5 note for food, and not buy stuff that would end up being thrown away. Damn. Could I have given my unwanted cakes to the homeless? No. Screw them.

After a lot of sitting down and chilling, the show began. It was basically a series of short comedy videos shown on a big screen. Perhaps the most interesting sketch was about a gang war. But there was twist - the gangsters fought against each other because of chicken. If you don’t think those last two sentences made sense, I 100% get you. It’s really the kind of thing you need to watch to understand. It was actually very funny. You should check it out below, especially as I could never in my life explain why anyone would want to wear a chicken bone round their neck… I don’t mean to bring up insanity again, but even in the lowest points of my life, I never even considered wearing a dead animal. Basically, I’m better than these people. :P

https://thecomedycrowd.com/chorts/mark-bone-marrow-tinsdale/

At the start of the second half, the sound wasn’t working for a brief period. Ha! Now you know how it feels to mess up like I did on my travels! Yes… Yes. Sadly no one in the audience seemed to care. Yes, once again I’m going to write more about the journey than the gig itself, but it’s extremely difficult coming up with material about gazing forward for an hour an a half. Hmmm…. Nope, I’m stuck. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but yeah… a huge screen. I’m not saying the size of it wasn’t impressive, it’s just the novelty wore off after a while.

So, on the way back I followed a small group of people to the train station. It took them a mere five minutes to find their way, whereas it took me a good hour. These people were clearly geniuses. What’s even more impressive is the fact I was actually talking to someone as she walked. It was as if her finding her way was second nature. As the person I was chatting to was American and also because we were discussing food, I asked if the Yankee lady ate much curry where she's from. It was my understanding that the food was rare over the pond, but apparently not as much as I imagined. I was told English curry is legendary in America. Aw. How nice. What a way to end an evening.

Or was it? Unfortunately, the subway train was delayed because of a package on another train. What’s the big deal? It was probably a gift for the staff as the trains were finally running on time. Oh wait. You blew it. Yes of course it was a false alarm but it still spoilt things at least a little bit. Did the station announcer make everything better by saying something adorable? No. Still though, I got home safely and even easily from there, so who cares? Ok! That’s it from me, bye!