The Happiest Month of the Year! (Blog 483)

Woohoo, It’s December! The time of year when everyone stops committing crimes and victims of crimes settle their differences and learn to forgive, even if only for a month or so. After that, things go back to normal and people seek coldhearted vengeance. Still though, an amazing 25 days. So I can focus on Christmassy things, I want to get my Metal Rules reviews out of the way sooner than usual, so if you don’t hear from me in a while, that’s why. (Either that or my computer is broken as I’ll explain). I will not be changing my identity and leaving the country! Why would I do that? I don’t know. It’s not at all likely, but the most likely explanation I can think of is extreme boredom. We all need a little adventure in life and I’m stuck here fantasising about getting a Five Guys burger and shake in a few weeks, on my own. Yes, that is something to look forward to, it’s just not an adventure. Unless I get lost maybe. Would that be an adventure? If so, it would be a poor one. Yes, yes, a predictable one. A stupid one. There is sadly something tainting the joy of the festive period however, that being - surprise, surprise - my computer. Why is it often starting with a plain yellow background, instead of a relaxing picture of fish swimming? What gets to me is sometimes my computer is fine, sometimes it goes weird of me, it’s the randomness I really hate. Quite frankly, I’m scared. And yellow is such a horrible colour too, only making things worse.

Still though, these times are so much better than August and the super boring (to put it mildly) steam fair where I was stuck with my dad for hours. What’s weird is even though I know for a fact that day really sucked, for whatever reason I now have fairly positive memories of the event, not only that positive emotions too! That IS something to be grateful for in a way, although it does mean I am living a lie. Having said that, at least I have no happy memories of getting my computer repaired and going through all the trouble of getting a new mobile phone number. That really sucked. It’s actually left me with a persistent phobia. So my mobile doesn’t get cancelled again, I obsess over it constantly. You only need to make a call every 6 months to stop your number being recycled, but I call my own house and talk to myself every couple of weeks or so, just in case. What kind of an adventure is that? A psychological adventure maybe, but it can’t be compared to the tales of James Bond. On the plus side, the thought of me being a spy and risking my life sounds like complete overstimulation to me and I wouldn’t enjoy it. I like going 50 mph or so in go karts (that’s apparently how fast hey travel but I have my doubts) but if someone told me to go 700 mph I’d tell them to (expletive) off.

I probably will be visiting my brother’s family on Christmas day as I usually do, but if he has other plans, ultimately making me celebrate with him on a different day than everyone else in the world, I will be alone in my room on the 25th, crying. How is that the most magical day of the year? As I explained a while ago, it is technically a white Christmas if just ONE snow flake drops. Again, far from magical. Try explaining to a child that Jesus’s birthday is filled with wonder in such a situation. All the joyful Christmas songs, all the decorations, all the fun family films, and all simply celebrate a bit of snow that’s basically impossible to spot, even if you try to do so for 24 hours as you travel up and down the country. I sometimes wonder what leads people to satanism, as such a ‘religion’ is famous for leading to an eternity in Hell, and I think such an awful Christmas just described wouldn’t help things at very least. Imagine a child having no sleep as his crazy father drives up and down England in a rage. The child would just be like ‘(expletive) this…’ Is that what happened to Anton Lavey? If so, he should have moved to Norway, there’s all the snow there you could ever want. Oh no. He’s blown it hasn’t he? Try celebrating Christmases again after writing a whole book rejecting the holidays. His choice. And on that powerful note… Bye!