Vaccine Part 2 - The Re-ache-ening (Blog 267)

Yesterday, I went back to Teddington to get my 2nd jab! When buying my train ticket, the seller asked me why I wasn’t getting a travel card, with a serious tone of voice. (In the way I usually do when going into London). My attitude was like, ‘I dunno. No dark reason or anything like that…’ She then explained ‘she was joking’. Ah, the classic travel card joke. I was a fool for not spotting it. Next time I buy the same kind of ticket, I’ll be on to her. I just need to think of a gag of my own. Maybe something like ‘Can I have a ticket to Waterloo, please?’ Absolutely hilarious. When in the town of teddy bears (I think, but I didn’t see any), I’m super pleased to say I found the vaccination centre with no real trouble. No lazy buses, just old fashioned, intellectual walking and first rate memory. (If you’ve never heard walking being called intellectual before, what I mean is you have to think more when you walk, because transportation does the thinking for you, doesn’t it? If you think like I do, you will often get mini self-esteem boosts). Ok, ok, ok, when I got to the centre, I had to ask my way around, but the truly hard part was already over.

When in the place I was supposed to be, I was given a bottle of water, as it’s better to be hydrated when poked with the medicine. Bottles of water cost about a pound, don’t they? I think that’s roughly an eighth the cost of the vaccine itself. I’m just saying if people drank free tap water, thousands more lives could have been saved. And don’t get me started on the people who’s job it was to simply tell people to go home, after getting jabbed. That’s not work. (Ok, to be fair, those ‘workers’ were volunteers, so they didn’t cost anything). Still though, lots of cash WAS wasted on the masks that were handed out, as really people should have turned up with them. There’s another few thousand lives, for you. You may remember me talking about needing to go pee soon after drinking water, but would I be able to go the whole trip without peeing? I’ll get back to you.

Soon after getting prodded, I was told to download an NHS app for my phone, (that I left at home), that proved I got vaccinated. Damn. I hate technology. Did my downloading go smoothly? Again, I’ll get back to you. (And you thought this blog was already tense. :S) The jabber explained that she wrote down the app name for me, and gave me an ‘essay’ on how to install it. Actually it was a couple of sentences. I know education is supposed to be getting worse in this country, but if that’s an essay for a trained medical professional, something has gone SERIOUSLY wrong. To show my confusion (I already had another similar app on my device), I said ‘errrrrrrrr’, for a short while. I read that saying ‘umm’ shows more confusion than saying ‘errr’ does, but I can’t for the life of me work out why that would be. You may know that 50% of what you learn in life will be false. Well, the ‘umming’ fact is one that’s surely wrong. Unless I actually see some proof. It’s a guess, isn’t it?

Soon enough, after a bit of hanging around, (just in case I had a bad reaction and fainted), I left the centre for the train station. I didn’t wait to get sent home by one of those experienced ‘now you can go’ volunteers, I decided that unless they have degrees in their profession, my judgement of time was roughly equal. Would you believe I got back even quicker than I arrived? THAT’S memory. After a bit of station-based note taking, I jumped on the train to Kingston in the last few seconds. Very dramatic. In THAT town, I decided to treat myself to chocolates and a CD. I planned on doing so a few days ago, but had I known how well the day would go, I’d probably have bought myself a new house. No. Too far. So, the chocolate shop: Mmm. Very nice. But should I eat the tasty items then, or give myself something to look forward to after coming home from the gym? Well, what if my dog steals them and eats them? They’d be poisoned. And what if my steals them? No poison, but still petty theft. I figured I’d have to eat them right then. I’ve been told I’m impulsive, but really I’m just thoughtful.

After not too long, I found the CD shop I was after, (Banquet Records) that ‘specialised’ in indie music. If they’re so specialist, why did they put The Rolling Stones in the indie section? I’ve never heard that group being called ‘indie’ in my life, and Wikipedia agrees with me. And now that I think of it, why did the company call themselves what they did? Banquet? What has that word got to with music? (Ok, to be fair, some CD cases did appear to be chewed on. Fine). Anyway, the purchasing!: So as I wouldn’t have to rearrange my whole alphabetised collection, I bought a band towards the end of the alphabet. (Unloved, and their album ‘Guilty of Love’). At least THAT nonsensical, or at least confusing, release turned out to be indie music. (Well alternative rock - close enough). Even better, I found out it is quite rare. It would be even better if I liked it, but it’s not bad. After even further pro navigation, I got the train home.

Again, I forgot to bring my toothpick with me so I could at least partly protect my teeth from a sugary attack, but maybe that was for the best. Have you ever seen a guy on public transport using a toothpick? If so, what did you think of him? I bet you it wasn’t good. After leaving the train and after more thoughtful strolling, I made it back to my house: I didn’t need to pee for the whole trip, and that was about 4 hours! Yes! That’s a REAL bladder. I didn’t need to pee all over the train (they don’t have toilets), or even worse the passengers. You try explaining that. That’s a phobia for you. Jeez. The phone app downloading, then! Go well? Well, at first I almost downloaded the wrong thing and got a message saying my thingamajig could be damaged opening it. The warning then asked me whether that would be ok. Do you think I’m mental? Is that what it is? No, I don’t want to download something harmful to my phone. All it takes is a wrong click on the 'yes' button and I’m screwed. Stupid phone. You doofus.

In the end however, I did install the right app. I was right to be scared back in teddy bear land, the techno-mission took about an hour. On the plus side, I felt great afterwards. It made me think ‘What else could I download and get running? The sky’s the limit!’ I mean, I had to take a picture of my driving license, I needed to take a video of me saying some numbers, I really did a bit of everything and used a massive range of my phone’s features. Not all of them, but features I’ve never even used before. :O My high lasted at least two hours, and it was only intensified when I was working out. Ok! That was the day out, then. Not bad, not bad at all. I stung my hand on some stinging nettles, but I handled the pain like a real trouper and went about my day. Yes! (Oh, and now my arm aches). Bye!