What are my Blood Tests Like? (Blog 257)

I often say I have monthly blood tests because the medication I’m on is so powerful, so potent, so strong, and so awesome, it has the potential to reduce my white blood cell count. But what is getting my blood test like?? The first thing I did when in the psychiatrist’s/nurse’s room today, was weigh myself. My meds do have a tendency to make other people put on weight, not because of their super strength in this case, but perhaps more disappointingly because they simply make you hungry. Again, not an issue for me, as I work out the gym more than I’m allowed to by fifteen minutes, five times a week. Yes. Interestingly, I was made to sit on a bigger chair than usual today, as I had my blood pressure checked. Whether that was to make me feel more respected and therefore more at as ease, and more willing to discuss symptoms of schizophrenia, I don’t know. I’m being truthful when I say similar techniques ARE used in prison interviews, and stuff like that. Hopefully I haven’t been accused of a crime (perhaps after someone took one of my blogs too seriously), but I think that’s paranoid.

I usually get asked if I’m constipated and I say ‘sometimes’, which is technically true, but really I mean most of the time. I could be more honest, but that could lead to my diet being changed and I quite like my diet. To be fair, it is sometimes. That’s fine I’m sure. I didn’t get asked today though, I simply said all symptoms/potential symptoms were the same as before. Had my psychiatrist pressured me more, maybe I’d have given fuller answers. After all I was in a bigger chair. I say I drink 4 units of alcohol a week which is mostly true, but sometimes I drink 4.5. But I don’t think that matters, unless I’m being intensely studied. Which to be fair I might be, as my personality is often described as ‘very odd’. I used to drink 14 units a week though. I mean if that’s apparently safe, why no go for it? Of course the less you drink the better, so I stopped doing that, but wine IS supposed to be good for you and bad at the same time. I don’t know what to make of that. Interestingly, if my temperature is just 0.1 degrees lower, I would be too cold. That’s right, I’m living on the edge. Very hardcore.

I also say I don’t smoke. I’ve never really understood the appeal of smoking. If someone says to a group people ‘I want to pump your lungs with tar, but you’ll have a great time. Who’s cool with that?’, I’m sure most people would refuse or run away. For whatever reason, I never get asked if I do drugs. I don’t, but what if I do? I mean the caffeine and tobacco intake I’m asked about, is nothing compared to heroin and crack cocaine. I guess I never look wasted. Maybe that’s what it is. A bit bored maybe, but I don’t think I zone out THAT much. And rightly so I don’t take anything illegal, as people on drugs make notoriously bad drivers. Especially if they hallucinate, that wouldn’t be good at all. The police feel so strongly about drug use they put drug addicts in jail. And jail sucks. On the plus side, people in jail really won’t have noticed the coronavirus change their lives that much. I’m not saying go out and do drugs before everyone gets vaccinated and it’s too late to appreciate an indifferent attitude when it comes to the virus, but if any prisoners are reading this blog illegally, you CAN be happy about not having to care about Covid 19 and lockdown.

What’s it like when I get injected? It’s pretty hit and miss. Sometimes it stings a bit, sometimes not at all. Most of the time, the psychiatrist wriggles the needle around inside me, in search of a vein. I’m sure it won’t surprise you when I say that kinda sucks. Even worse was the fact I was perilously close to a huge container filled with used needles. Very disconcerting. What if slipped off my chair and landed in the box? Very difficult to do, don’t get me wrong, but if you do have a fear of infected needles, that’s the kind of thing that could give you a panic attack. You may be so scared, you start shaking so much, you fall over, into the pointy things (somehow - again not easy to do), making your fear a reality. Nightmare, huh? But to be clear, that didn’t happen. So! That’s what getting my blood test is like! Now to move onto my next short story. It will be very dramatic. :O